Am I spoiling my kids??

FBaby

I think I understand what your friends are saying. Could they happen to have older children? The thing is, it is easy to spend more to give our kids better opportunities and do without ourselves as parents because the reality is that seeing our children happy is what makes us happiest, so it seems like a win/win position.

However, those children become older, more selfish as they get into teenagehood and suddenly, they tend to take all those 'treats' for granted. There also comes a point when unwillingly, there might be some level of expectation from the parent that it would be nice if they could show some form of recognition for the sacrifices made, which doesn't always happen. This can in some cases lead to parents of spoilt children (in the sense of having a sense of entitlement), who have given up on opportunities that could have enriched their lives and in even worse cases, grow resentful for it.

A friend of mine spent all her spare money on her daughter who she was convinced had a good chance of becoming a professional tennis player. She was a single mum and counting every penny, but she paid for hours and hours of private tuition, membership to clubs (so she could play indoor in the winter), competitions abroad, tickets to tennis games, to of the range rackets, shoes etc... Her daughter was dedicated and initially did seem to show a special talent, but then didn't progress as expected, still her mum continue to pay. When she was 16, after losing competitions after competitions, she decided to give it up to her mum's great disappointment. She is now 25, has a good job, and only rarely plays tennis. My friend still goes about how she thinks her daughter had a great chance and blew it all away and unfortunately doesn't hide her disappointment and resentment towards her daughter. I think it is sad that she put herself aside for many years, but I guess at the time, believing that her daughter could become a tennis star was all the happiness she needed.

System

if you can afford it then spend it as long as the kids are appreciative that is.

Soundgirlrocks

Spoiling kids would be cloths they don't need, expensive tech for entertainment, sweets, cinema trips, etc this isn't spoiling kids it helping them to grow into active healthy adults. If you can afford it then there isn't an issue.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

She was a single mum and counting every penny, but she paid for hours and hours of private tuition, membership to clubs (so she could play indoor in the winter), competitions abroad, tickets to tennis games, to of the range rackets, shoes etc...

That's quite a different league to weekly swimming, brownies and horse riding clubs - plus your friend was going short herself while Mimi can afford these subscriptions.

ERICS_MUM

They're all good, wholesome & healthy hobbies. Better than sitting watcbng telly and playing X-Box etc every evening. Also good socially, for them to mingle with youngsters who share interests.

If you can afford it and they enjoy it, take no notice of people's comments

warby68

Paying for a range of activities according to your budget isn't spoiling in my view. Its actually a responsibility to some extent to encourage fitness, hobbies and social skills.

Spoiling, for me, is buying too many 'things' and indulging bad behaviours.

Marvel1

Horse riding, swimming and brownies is getting them out of the house, socializing, doing other activities.

Swimming to me is a life saver.

No not spoiling them.

Sounds like the others are jealous.
adults.

P.S. I'm the first to say if kids/young adults are spoiled, e.g. I disagree with parents giving their children deposits for homes/flats.

pinkshoes

I cannot see anything that would classify as spoiling, as all those are activities that would benefit them in the future in terms of fitness, life experiences, their CVs etc...

Spoiling is when you let your kids do what they want all the time, giving them what they want, spending on frivilous junk, rather than giving them boundaries and learning about compromises.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

As you can afford them, they are all perfectly reasonable activities for the children. So ignore what sounds to me more like jealousy or feeling threatened that you spend your money on the children when they spend it on themselves.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

A friend of mine spent all her spare money on her daughter who she was convinced had a good chance of becoming a professional tennis player. She was a single mum and counting every penny, but she paid for hours and hours of private tuition, membership to clubs (so she could play indoor in the winter), competitions abroad, tickets to tennis games, to of the range rackets, shoes etc... Her daughter was dedicated and initially did seem to show a special talent, but then didn't progress as expected, still her mum continue to pay. When she was 16, after losing competitions after competitions, she decided to give it up to her mum's great disappointment. She is now 25, has a good job, and only rarely plays tennis. My friend still goes about how she thinks her daughter had a great chance and blew it all away and unfortunately doesn't hide her disappointment and resentment towards her daughter. I think it is sad that she put herself aside for many years, but I guess at the time, believing that her daughter could become a tennis star was all the happiness she needed.

That's not spoiling, that's a failed attempt at hothousing!