Sashybo - Back Again

DancingInTheRain

Hope you manage to get a resolution on this, it's a tricky situation but I agree that you and your DH need to be united in such big plans for your future. Hopefully once your DH has a little time to reflect he'll realise this isn't the best idea 🤞

sashybo

Hi all, glad it's not just me that thinks it's a bit of a mad idea. The outlaws are very strange, they have such control issues that they can never just gift money, it's always got to be "for" something.

Don't get me wrong I'm grateful as they basically gave us the deposit for our house and we would never have been able to afford it otherwise. All the insistence that any money they give us has to be for certain things just makes me think they believe that we're too crap with money to be trusted not to blow it. 😂 To be fair they may have a bit of a point but at least our loans now are for the house and the cars and not just money wasted on rubbish. 

I think that DH wants to take them up on the offer because otherwise we probably wouldn't be able to afford to get the sun room done for a long time, if ever. I mean, it is tempting, just not very sensible. 🤔 

When we get the quote back from the builder we used for the garage conversion we can make a proper decision. If it's wildly over 25k then it's a non-starter and even DH will see that. The architect has quoted £1500 just for the plans, then we'd have to pay for a building warrant which is based on the cost of the building work being carried out. 

I would still rather use the money to pay off the debt, then we could save up for things we actually need like new flooring in the living room (the carpet is ruined - thanks cats and kids), new couches (the couch we have isn't supportive enough and is hurting our backs) and a new front door (the current one isn't great and lets in a lot of drafts). It's all liveable with stuff so not a big rush but would make everyday life a bit nicer. I'm not convinced that a sun room would do that. 🤷‍♀️ 

Have just cashed in my vypr points for £5, will keep that aside for now and will pay it off the highest interest loan once I have more survey money to make a bigger payment. 

DH cashed out his £co money for £65 worth of am@zon vouchers then bought himself the scarily expensive toaster. 😱 It only cost £18 "real" money with the vouchers so at least he waited until he had vouchers rather than blowing nearly £80 on a toaster, which he wanted to do last month! 😱 🤔 Hmm maybe his parents have a point after all. 😂 

beanielou

Does the toaster sing & dance    

beanielou

While I see your point on the money being better spent on other things I do think that if you can get it done for less than 25K then you should.
You will love it   

sashybo

😂 Beanie for that price the toaster blinking well should sing and dance! It better last years! 😂 

I know what you're saying about the sun room - it would be nice to have. Will wait and see what the builder quotes, we've used him several times and trust him to give us a realistic pricing. 

DancingInTheRain

I'd want the toaster to put the toast on the plate, smother it in butter & bring it to me for £80!!! 🤣

sashybo

I forgot to mention that the outlaws also decided (in their heads) that if they offered this money that the sun room would be finished in the autumn. 😂 🤷‍♀️ I don't know what planet they are on, even if the builder was able to start straight away (I doubt it as he always has a waiting list and will have been set back by the pandemic) there's no way it would be done that quickly!

I really think they just want to have somewhere else to sit in our house when they come to visit. 😂 They hate our couch even more than we do, mind you we liked it at first and they've never liked it as it's too slouchy and low to the ground for them.

After having DS my back and pelvis were in a mess and I could hardly sit on the couch without loads of cushions. I had a rocking chair that my neighbour had given me as she didn't need it anymore so was using that to sit in as it was better for my back.

When the outlaws came to stay after DS was born my FIL just took my chair for the whole visit - 3 days - without even asking because he has a bad back. 👀 And now whenever he visits it's "his" chair because he couldn't possibly sit on our couch. 🙄 They're actually that selfish, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility that they want us to have a sun room so that they have somewhere else to sit!

I got a £10 am@zon voucher from SB so have used it to buy DS some fireman Sam pants and a potty training book. I'm hoping they might inspire him to have a go at using the toilet again. He's asked to sit on the toilet twice in the last few weeks but only for a few seconds and only when he's fully clothed. 😂 

Willowtree222

Why didn't they suggest you use the money for a new couch then? 
If the sun room comes in at a lot less, then maybe you could use the leftovers to tackle some of the debt? 
I find it so strange though about the way they impose restrictions and your DH doesn't see anything wrong with this?
Wow to the toaster. I would want mine buttered too! 

sashybo

Nicnak, they are deeply strange people who resent me intensely for taking their son away from them but of course they would never say so, they prefer to either a) pretend I don't exist (mainly FIL) or b) pretend they don't dislike me. 

They love my kids and of course their son and tolerate me but sometimes I feel like I don't exist when we're with them, it's very strange. I mostly just bite my tongue and am very glad that they don't live close to us. 

DH thinks the way they behave is normal because that's how he was brought up. He has had counselling and knows that it's not but he's used to the way they act. Believe it or not they're a million times better now than when I first met DH. They were very controlling to the point that they threatened to cut him out of their will because they didn't like me and thought I was turning him against them! 

All I had done was say the way they treated him wasn't normal and that he should speak to a counsellor because he had a lot of anger issues. He did go to counselling and ended up not speaking to them for a couple of years - which was of course, my fault. 🙄 

😂 Dancing at the buttered toast - DH likes to research everything and somehow decided that this toaster was the perfect toaster and that he MUST have it. 🤷‍♀️ I said no way to spending £80 cash but he could get it if he got vouchers for most of the cost. 😂 

Fingers crossed for a lower quote for the sun room as yes some leftover money would be very helpful!

Willowtree222

Fingers crossed. 
I don't think I could cope with that. I know how my mum is and I am aware that her behaviour is wrong, but do my best to stop her or at least challenge her. 
I bet they blame everything on you! They couldn't possibly accept that it is their behaviour at all. I know those types of people x