Doing it on my own: bobobski's house deposit diary

savingwannabe

Hey Happy Easter to you bobobski, Well done on the cigarette and wine thing that is such a big deal. You have done so well with the saving. You will be one of us soon. Don't you worry. It will all fall into place by the time you are my age you will have much more than me.

I'm spending Easter on my own but everyone is phoning to check I am ok. I love mowing the lawn but can't do it at the moment as I weeded and feeded the other day. I can't wait for it to happen to you. My street is like Stepford. One person mows and we are all at it. Problem is they are all men and they literally have combed sculpted gardens whereas mine is really bad and dippydoohdah like me. lol.

All my friends have gardeners I can't afford one so I make do. Thank goodness for the garden it is keeping me sane. There is a beautiful robin that is not shy at all and comes right up to me. Life is beautiful even if we are all ill there is so much we have to be grateful for.

I wonder what you will be doing when you are 46? something dead glam with a gorgeous house I am sure. You are so talented and have your whole life ahead of you. Keep your health it is precious and look forward to a wonderful future. :beer:

bobobski

Awww SW you're making me blush :smileyhea

I'm not one of these people who wants to pack it all in and travel the world so when I'm 46 I imagine myself doing the same thing, still on my own but hopefully with more friends, and a house with a garden! In other words I aspire to be like you!

I'm so glad you have your friends around you - it sounds like you have a lot of love in your life which is great. I understand some people are too busy to do their own gardening but it can be so therapeutic and no one cares if you have the nicest garden on the street so I don't think I'll want a gardener when the time comes. Maybe a cleaner, but not a gardener

Still no cigarettes today - hoorah! A whole lotta chocolate though...

Skint_yet_Again

Well done bobobski on cutting back on the fags !! I know how hard it is - I smoked 20 a day in my 20's then gave up before I got pregnant and then didn't smoke until DS reached the terrible 2's then I smoked outside and socially until DS was about 6. Then I got a throat infection, tried to smoke and threw up, it was so disgusting I never smoked again, but still had the cravings for a long time.


That app sounds great, its a real incentive to not smoke when you realise how much money you are saving.


I used to love gardening and growing things. Not so much now its so painful but DP's help me and they have adapted it to be more manageable, apart from the blooming grass lol ! I need a garden about half the size really and wouldn't care if I never have grass again as long as there is somewhere to sit out and somewhere to hang my washing

savingwannabe

I hope you had a good day today. I did nothing. lol.

bobobski

Hi guys

Sadly I've gone backwards. I tried to see my friend yesterday (the one with depression, although not at the moment) to go for a walk in a country park and talk to him in a grown-up way about how I feel let down by him at the moment (i.e. hasn't been there for me even though he knows I'm unwell) and was effectively told that I could only see him for one to two hours because any more than that would "f___ up his mental health". This is pretty out of the blue. So we've had a massive falling out and we didn't see each other at all. I drank. A lot. I also smoked, but only four, which is more than Friday, Saturday or Sunday but fewer than Thursday. I've been in tears since I woke up two hours ago. I spent all of yesterday afternoon in tears. Yesterday morning I was in such a good place but today I can't face work even though I have to. I was all ready to have a good start to the week for the first time in ages but I'm currently crying and avoiding leaving the house.

It's one thing to be rejected when you ask for help, but it's quite another to be told that you are a negative influence in your best friend's life and actually you make them ill just by virtue of being there. !!!!!!.

savingwannabe

Hello bobobski firstly I think you have done pretty well only smoking four. If a friend said that to me I would be devastated and would blooming start smoking or drink a bottle or two and then go and shout at them and probably make an !!!! of myself. In the grand scheme of things you handled it well.

This person is v ill and isn't saying things in a coherent way. It's his problem. I am sure he will be feeling bad about it later when he is more with it.

Ignore what he says as he is not logical at the moment and probably using all his energy keeping going. I think though that you need to speak to your dr. Things that are happening are affecting you and making you upset and maybe they can give you some pills to help so you don't get so down and aren't so upset. The key is to protect yourself and I think having a chill day plus a chat to the dr will help.

All in all though he should be glad he's not my friend i'd have told him what for and karate chopped him with a rolling pin. I am sure he will come round though.

Skint_yet_Again

I'm so sorry to hear you so upset again bobobski. I think SW is probably right if he is in a bad place himself he may not be helpful or supportive to you even if you did meet up with him.


I can understand you being upset, however I do think that your reaction is worsened by your own health if it is making you cry that much and not want to leave the house. Maybe you do need to visit the Doc for some sort of support, I know its not what you want but you cant carry on alone.


I wish I lived near you I would come round and give you a big hug !!

bobobski

Hi everyone

SW and SYA, thank you for your previous messages. It turns out to have been a combination of the friend not having been in a great place, actually having a number of other friends going through similar "bad times" and just messing up. We talked a lot following Monday's argument and then met up on Friday. He acknowledges that he dealt with it badly and has hopefully learned for future "episodes" some more things he should do to help and some things he really shouldn't say/do. And he bought me a fancy steak dinner too, so I can't really be mad at him anymore.

I'm not fully back to myself yet but I'm getting there. Work is still busy but my hours are lightening off a bit. We're hoping this big project will be done in 2-3 weeks (and some tidy-up afterwards) so then I can take some time off. My boss was even trying to help me plan a holiday - he offered me his aunt's holiday home in Europe for free!!

However, with my head screwed on a bit, I've looked yet again at my finances. With being less social these days and quitting smoking (I haven't had any for 3 days), I'm really in a good position. I looked on Rightmove and realised there are some places that I'm on the brink of being able to afford. I had sworn blind that there's no point buying a starter home in my area and that I'd never buy leasehold, but it appears that the lower end of the market has started to stagnate while the part of the market I had been looking at (c. 30% more in value) is still increasing. I found a really nice looking flat in the right location for a borderline affordable price. I've costed everything (including the money transfer fee!) and realised I actually could do it now, with a bit of support just in case, since this would be sailing close to the wind. So I'm seeing my friend tonight as he's consistently offered financial support to help me buy a house (even did again on Friday) to see what he thinks. It would literally mean asking to borrow a couple of grand for a couple of months - not the whole deposit or anything!

Realistically I know it's not going to happen. This flat is way too nice for its price bracket and there's no such thing as a "good deal" with property, so maybe it's got a super high ground rent/service charge, maybe the term doesn't have long left on it, maybe there are structural issues. But it's too nice and too cheap not to investigate, even if that's just one brief conversation. Even if the flat is good, I don't have a mortgage in principle or anything like that, so it'd be diving right in without laying the groundwork, as this place is going to go quickly. Luckily I've been looking after my credit score for years and as of today Experian gives me a score of 992/999 - I know it's not a uniform score or anything, but it can't be a bad start!!

But even if it all worked out, I'd need a 95% mortgage. I had previously planned on having a 20% deposit so this really is a shift. Maybe tonight will just be my friend talking me out of being spontaneous with a massive decision. Or maybe he'll think it's worth looking into. We'll see!

Anyway, more of the same this week coming. I'm trying to look after myself more - less drinking, more yoga, less overtime at work, more nice music (who remembers The Calling?!), more salad. Getting there, slowly slowly

savingwannabe

OMG. Amazing news on all fronts. Glad that your friend is better and sorted it out with you. Also chuffed with boss offering you a holiday home and extremely well done on not smoking.

The Calling and nice music is good. Well done. You're doing great.

I hope the house stuff goes well. I think it's great that you are in a position to seriously consider it and will keep my fingers crossed. Hurrah for a good week for all of us!!!!:money::beer::D:j:money::beer::j:D:T:T:)

bobobski

So friend thinks it's potentially a good idea and is willing to assist financially :shocked:

The two questions are: how much can I borrow on my salary and with a 5% deposit, and are there any properties at that level in the area I'm looking at. Friend thought I should address the second question first but I disagreed; I really don't want to find somewhere and fall in love with it only to find that my maximum borrowing is less than I thought. So I have emailed a mortgage adviser to ask how much I should expect to be able to borrow, then can start looking at properties.

This may still all fall apart in so many different ways so I don't want to get my hopes up, but I am officially starting to look at buying :eek: