Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017

Savvy_sewing

£163 today. Several jobs in, but I didn't remember to count them. I only have one invoice in the book I started on 28th out of 50 in a book though.
I worked down stairs so I could serve in the shop. Certainly slows me down and I worked until 5.30 as so much work in.
I have to go in the morning to vacuum etc as left it in a mess and back again at 5pm for wedding fittings!
I have also been asked for a few repairs for the after school club to do. I will try to fit them in tomorrow at home.
Dgd was back to school today. Hopefully we will get back into a routine again soon then.
She's gone out to play while I cook dinner.
Tein2 just borrowed £20 for food! I stupidly paid it when she asked and realised afterwards I was supposed to be saying No!
I will never be rich.

pollyanna_26

Sounds like a positive day . DGD seems to have coped with school and you've had a good day takings wise and work incoming .
I suppose you can view watching Etsy as necessary for work purposes . I hope you manage an early night and some rest to recover .
Shut the bank of mum , nothing will change while you bale out various family members .They need to learn the hard way to manage the money coming in and how to manage the situations they find themselves in . You can't do it forever , your priorities are you as you hold things together home , DGD and business wise . Caring for her and managing the business which keeps a roof over your heads .
I had to do it after years with my son . He had to sort out messes he and his wife had created and nowadays is solvent and doing well .
I came to the conclusion that I was enabling the behaviour as they had a safety net they would fall back on . It has to be done at some point and you can't afford to keep others afloat while you can;t pay yourself a fair wage .
polly x

Savvy_sewing

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Sounds like a positive day . DGD seems to have coped with school and you've had a good day takings wise and work incoming .
I suppose you can view watching Etsy as necessary for work purposes . I hope you manage an early night and some rest to recover .
Shut the bank of mum , nothing will change while you bale out various family members .They need to learn the hard way to manage the money coming in and how to manage the situations they find themselves in . You can't do it forever , your priorities are you as you hold things together home , DGD and business wise . Caring for her and managing the business which keeps a roof over your heads .
I had to do it after years with my son . He had to sort out messes he and his wife had created and nowadays is solvent and doing well .
I came to the conclusion that I was enabling the behaviour as they had a safety net they would fall back on . It has to be done at some point and you can't afford to keep others afloat while you can;t pay yourself a fair wage .
polly x

Your right. I do know that. I have to try harder.
I wish they could understand how to budget and follow it. I have tried so many times over the years and never managed to get them to follow.
I will try and teach them again and also try harder to say No.

elona

Mooloo

I know this sounds flippant but have you ever asked to borrow from them?

It might help them realise you are not an inexhausible source of funds.

Savvy_sewing

elona wrote: »

Mooloo

I know this sounds flippant but have you ever asked to borrow from them?

It might help them realise you are not an inexhausible source of funds.

No, never tried. Probably because I know they never have any spare.

pollyanna_26

I spent years trying to get him to set out a budget , ensure the bills were paid for first and explaining cost cutting ways and meal planning to both of them . While they were seeing me as an income stream it didn't work and that was when I saw it never would unless I said no and meant it . The sky didn't fall they just had to work their way through and it took time but they had to sort debt etc without advice from me they'd never heeded in the past and the bank of mum to the rescue .
It's life skills , all mine son included grew up knowing of them but he was the one who needed to learn the hard way with no one to sort things yet again . He has a good life now and his children will learn those skills and I doubt he'll enable them the way I did as he knows the hurt and frustration it caused .
polly x

trix-a-belle

That is a very good suggestion elona, it doesn't matter that you know there wont be anything mooloo its the point of asking so they know how you feel every time they ask.
Also when they do ask, do not answer immediately as that is when you will slip into the default, give a clear 30mins plus before answering, if its on the phone deflect it and change your pattern xx

elona

trix

That is sort of what I meant in terms of breaking a pattern.

Even if you know they will say no - it stops them short and helps them realise what they are asking.

My dds are now saying whenever a certain person asks for a couple of quid "But Mum is on a pension, she needs to budget".

I find it difficult to keep my mouth shut and automatically say "OH, that's all right i can manage and have some spare" because it is not just about money as such.

Feral_Moon

It's ok telling them "I need to budget, I have no spare cash" etc. But Mooloo's kids know, as do my own, that she also has credit cards available which if her kids are anything like mine will see those as available funds to spend rather than a form of debt.

Mooloo is so open about her finances on here that I have no doubt she also is with her own family. Now I'm only going by my own experience but I find it makes it much easier for my kids to ask for loans, either small cash amounts or larger loans/credit, that I can just "stick on a credit card" for them.

Unfortunately, like Mooloo, I'm far too soft in allowing them take advantage as such. It takes much more willpower In those circumstances.

Savvy_sewing

My children always say I will pay you back, but Biggest is the only one who is paying me back at the moment. DS started too in the beginning of the year when he was with the gf. However it never lasts.
I will have to redo my own budget with this in mind. I am struggling to put away any savings at the moment. This is stressful and frustrating for me as I was so used to putting 10% of my money straight into the savers accounts for emergency, holidays and spare.
But it is all gone now.
However I have to meet the repayments of the cards I used to pay DS out of trouble. Because in 2007 I was bankrupt I fear the lack of money greatly and managed my money well for all that time, and it grates against the last 10 years of solvency.
The fact I am living week to week again is beginning to affect me.

Deep breath then, big girls knickers on, SAD lamp out to counteract the gloom weather, Golden Paste upped to two "beans", and today when out with Mum I will need to buy another notebook for my diary and one with dividers for the money as the current one is now getting quite full, and is a years worth of coming and going from each account.
I am trying not to panic.
I think that I may actually call the kids when I have done the budget and ask them for a certain amount back on their next Payday. Even if it is only £5 a time. To get them to realise that I need the money back.
So I will dedicate a page to each of them to record the repayment etc.

Today is my day for looking after Mum, but as the vacuum at work is broken I need to take my own one in to clear up before wedding fittings this evening.