Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017

dktreesea

Maybe your DD realised if you weren't going to be fetching and carrying after DS, that the task would fall to her? If she is now getting him to work because you have decided you won't I guess she would be a bit peeved about that? I feel for your DS. He's depressed, and not everyone who is depressed has the tools to work through their depression. But it doesn't them follow that other family members have the energy to be on hand to rescue him all the time.

Savvy_sewing

I understand depression. I understand that DS is unhappy and doesn't know what to do. DD is quite a controlling character and tends to go in all guns blazing and looses tact at times. However the pair of them tend to have completely opposite sides to them. DD is mostly a doer, and therefore some one who works hard when she is motivated but gets despondent and peaks and troughs a lot.
DS is so laid back the majority of the time he is practically horizontal. He doesn't seem to have a work ethic and he lacks motivation. I have tried to get him motivated with various projects he says he is interested in like the blacksmith work and he showed aptitude for it, but lacked the drive to put in the work after a few weeks. I bought him all the components he needed to set up his own forge, and paid hundreds of pounds for equipment to bend metal etc.
It lies rusty in the garden.
I suffer from depression and see the signs all too well and I try very hard to motivate. He and his GF argue about the mess, blaming the other one for not doing anything.
She stays in bed all day and he stays on the Xbox! None of them have any umph behind them and blaming everyone else except them selves for their financial problems the mess, lack of order, lack of work etc etc
Neither understand bills, budgets and basic conditions acceptable for comfortable living. the government, the council, where they live, the lack of busses, you name it, they blame it. Oh and me.
I paid for their deposit when they rented private accommodation, they couldn't keep it clean so lost it. I bought and insured two motorcycles over the last 8 years. Both were unkempt and left to rust! I have given him two of my own pedal bikes to help, lost stolen or broken.
I helped all of my children with furniture etc.
I have done all I can to try to motivate, carrots and sticks doesn't work.
I am getting the blame as it's easier than them standing up and being accountable for themselves.
I never heard them blame their Dad for anything much except for not seeing them.

I am tired.
24 years I have been a single parent. My brief second marriage was a disaster and he never got involved with the children as he didn't know what to do. I did the lot.
But it is what it is and I am resigned to the fact that I can't change them they have to do it for them selves.

dktreesea

Mooloo, it's an impossible situation for a parent. You're caught between a rock and a hard place. They're yours, so of course you always want to help/rescue them. But in my experience, young people only respect their belongings if they have put some of the effort into getting those belongings. Everything else is easy come, easy go.


One of my children would deliberately break her phone when she "needed an upgrade". And dumb though we, her parents, sound, it took us a while to cotton on. Now she has yet another broken screen but can't afford to fix it. And got very annoyed when we refused.


She still rings up when she has run out of money because she "really needs to go out/get some things/etc etc. Brutal though this sounds, nowadays I just tell her if she can't afford it she won't be able to go or to buy whatever she needs.


You're right though. She has just got into the habit of "rescue me" and doesn't realise the only one who can do that is her. I do get it. Children mind when their parents don't live up to their expectations. Well, too bad.

elisamoose

Very concerned for the child if she is in bed and he is on the xbox

ScarletRibbons

Yes, I wondered about the child, he must only be a toddler.

annandale

Mooloo isn't the only family member her son and his gf have. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread his gf has parents and the son also has a father.

I personally think she's gone over and above trying to support her son with very little thanks or appreciation.

mellymoo74

I agree annandale
There feels like a bit of bashing going on recently (don't know whether it's the time of year) Mooloo will take it personally as she is the kind of person who always feels she should give more.

She has done her best
She has also been worried about her grandchild that's one of the reasons she's stretched herself so thinly. Someone else needs to take some responsibility

annandale

They do. Look at the detail in a previous post about how much she's tried to support her son. That's before you add up all the money she's given. Lifts to work on her days off, food parcels.

She's not superwoman. Although you would think she was some days.

Savvy_sewing

Yesterday was a busy day at the shop, as one of the Mum's was picking dgd up for me I worked until 5.15 then went to meet them for tea at the local pub. I managed to sew £210 worth of work. ( would have been more but I did a few jobs for myself too!)
I have been walking too and from school and work but I am suffering with backache at the moment so I have aggravated something.
I was up at 6 this morning to take DS to work. A sort of peace offering., and because Biggest can't do it as her weekend with out her partner.
He was (DS) quiet, and didn't go to kiss me goodbye as he used to, but he did say love you mum as he got out of the car.
I chatted loosely about how I have managed to run out of funds, and need to rein in the spending etc as all of them had made huge demands on my resources and it's important I start living with in my means and clear the debt. A subtle hint that the bank is closed.
Biggest is planning to have a bus for the wedding vehicle and when she sent me a fraught of the invitations I pointed out that she shouldn't be offering it to everyone or she might end up needing two buses.
I also suggested that she asks for a reasonable amount for going on the bus, that is cheaper than a taxi etc and allows people to be able to drink without driving.
A hint too that I can't help with the cost so get the guests to chip in!

DS has said that with his sister doing the chasing, and the checking up etc they are getting there. Biggest tells me that yesterday when she arrived DS was doing the baby's breakfast etc but the GF was still in bed, and DS was having a go at her to get up! So Biggest went around noisily with the vacuum to make sure she did.
She took 5 sacks of clothing to the recycling and 4 bags of rubbish to the tip. Considering she had taken about the same at the beginning of the week there must be some pushing going on!
I am leaving it to Biggest who seems to have taken it on herself to kick them into touch. ( no doubt that will become her next 'victim ' role, but I can't physically do it as I have enough with my own home, my mother and the shop.
Talking of the shop it's time to unlock the door put on my smile and get back to work.

Savvy_sewing

I hit target today and for the total amount for the week! £668.85, on a £665 target. Thrilled considering I didn't work a full week either.
Glass of wine and The Voice time x