From debt to freedom...

Kittykattykate

Ah Lou you’ve come SUCH a long way! I’m sure that by the time autumn rolls round things will be vastly different for you. Every single day you are making progress!

I’m sure the ex stole something from the garden because he is hopping mad that you got the papers signed, are in a new relationship, and got rid of a lot of his rubbish. If only you could take him to the tip!

The dress sounds lovely. You are going to look wonderful.

Spendless

So pleased that you've gone to court and the paperwork is now signed  In  my head as I read it this played out like a TV drama where the annoying ex is elsewhere not turning up at court, the judge rules in the other parties favour and says the solicitors can sign but in the poetic licence version the solicitors  are able to sign there and then in the courtroom and hands it to the  other party. The watching audience inwardly cheer, whilst the camera flashes to the ex somewhere else, completely oblivious to the fact he's not got away with it like he thought he had and has yet to discover he's been thwarted hahahahah. What can I say -I've clearly been a drama Mum too long -lol.

 It does make me ask the question does the ex know the court ruled that the solicitor could sign? Was he even aware that was an option? Just wondering if the was behind the turn up and take stuff. DD's ex used to do stuff along a similar lines lashing out the minute you had him cornered.  I'm glad you've looked through the court order, yes I agree it's probably worth you flagging to the police as it would help towards a bigger picture should he continue. I'm guessing you've still got all your security measures up?

I've always thought you were describing a large house and garden - understandable with 8 children, it's good that you're now seeing the place through fresh eyes as you continue to clear and create space.

I have had a very similar experience with the dress I've bought for my son's wedding this summer and here is why. My Mum saw an outfit in an independent boutique where she's bought from before. Shortly after my Nan's death she went in and asked about it, it had already sold but they suggested a similar outfit, which Mum tried on.  All the accessories (fascinator, bag, shoes) had price labels on and were very reasonable) the dress didn't. Mum didn't notice asked Dad to pay as she got dressed, and him with not great eyesight didn't notice the price either.  It was quite a bit more than the price you've mentioned of dresses you tried on, I suspect it's probably cost more than the bridal gown. Mum was upset when she realised, but too late the shop would only offer a credit note anyway.  She never should have gone shopping whilst her grief was still raw and she wasn't thinking straight. So that put me off those type of shops. I couldn't find anything elsewhere though and didn't really know where to look. Mine has ended up coming from Hollister and then discounted as DD used her student card and I felt exactly the same way I wasn't convinced is was 'mother of the bridal party.' enough. I even continued to look for something else  till DD said' Why  are doing that Mum, when that's a really pretty dress you have'  So then I bought my accessories to go with it and I felt it made it more formal. I'm currently at £138 for the whole  lot and would still like a handbag (that's my choice because I have one or can be lent one in the right colour but neither are my preferred style). In reality how likely are me or you going to put all the same ensemble on other than at our offspring's wedding, we're probably not but separately we will be  wearing our dress and the shoes/jacket etc, lots of different wears for it all - a lot more cost effective way to do it and a lot better value. Meanwhile I told my Mum to to consider the inheritance she will receive from my Nan later this year as her own Mum buying her a dress and me and DH now have new things to think of to buy as presents for my parents so Mum's dress gets additional outings.

Onto hotel prices. Do you always stop at the same chain? Do they offer you loyalty points. Holiday Inn  do, DH collects them as he stays away with work his clock up a lot, but even if it's very slow signing up and collecting any I'd consider it, you still have some way to go before you get to the youngest one graduating so I'm sure there'll be several hotel stops along the way. 

lucielle

Glad you got the paperwork signed. I’d tell the police as well, just so it’s on record. 

L

savingholmes

I too would report him to the Police but understand if you're reluctant to face the hassle. Him taking something is theft at the end of the day.

I think with wedding outfits - you need something you feel comfortable and pretty in - rather than a specific look. 

Glad the court went in your favour and the mortgage is at last progressing. That part at least must be a relief.

Spendless

Here's another reason not to wear an expensive outfit. I realisation that has only come to me due to some recent events. Wear one that screams 'expensive' and you're in danger of the ex (I'm assuming he will be there?)  thinking you are financially better off  than  what you actually are and using that in some way to reduce any of his costs. 

janb5

Unfortunately the ex needs little or no justification to behave badly so the most important fact is for HSL to have the most wonderful day celebrating her daughter's wedding.

We shall all be throwing virtual confetti and delighted at such a happy event x

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, Joedenise, KittykattyKate, Spendless, Lucielle, SH and Janb5.

Now waiting on the mortgage company’s legal people. I have never come across such a company. They took a month to respond to my solicitor back in January and I have to keep ringing to chase them up as to why they haven’t replied. Given my solicitor got relevant documents to them within hours of the latest court order, it is frustrating that 12 days later we are still waiting.

This weekend has been very busy. DD1 had her hen do at a city about 3 hours drive away. The only hen do I had ever been on was 25 years ago and it was a meal out, the week before the wedding…how times have changed!! We did a couple of activity classes, one of which was a dance class. I’d never done that before, so enjoyed it. DD3 and I came back that night, as she had an early work shift.

Meanwhile youngest DD had been to the beach with soon to be SoIL and slipped on a rock. Her foot swelled up and she has been unable to weight bear. We spent a few hours at A and E yesterday afternoon. Fortunately she hasn’t broken it but has badly sprained it so is on crutches this week.Hopefully won’t need them by the time of the wedding which will be a relief to DD1, as her  sisters  are all bridesmaids!

Such a busy weekend combined with working a lot of hours last week means a challenging week ahead. Very much a head down and plod through kind of week!  

Having another kind of challenge with the ex who is using DS1 to be a go between which I have said to DS is not right or fair and if the ex wants to discuss anything he needs to contact me direct.  Needless to say, despite the ex claiming he has rung me lots of times,  I have  no missed calls from him and no messages. I have refused a request for a shed to be removed on the grounds that he has had a long time frame to do that and after the date set last year, it passed ownership to me. It’s something I have now stored tools in and am actively using.  This has not gone down well. I keep rereading the court order from 2022  and feel more able to articulate the legal position.  

lucielle

HSL get pictures of the shed as it is now and pictures inside.  I wouldn't it past ex to 'remove' it while you're out.
L

Spendless

I agree with lucielle, take some photos, showing it's condition and that you're actively using it. Hopefully your security cameras/measures are still working too.

You're right it isn't fair to involve DS1 in this. It's not healthy for him. I've long predicted that eventually you will pick up the pieces when he becomes older and mature enough to understand. I notice he hasn't asked either of the other 2 that also live with him to deliver messages - he knows full well which one is more easily manipulated. Ex is doing this because he got thwarted on the house transfer, his plan to stop you in your tracks by not attending court didn't work - he's now looking to do something else.

Hope you're not waiting for the mortgage companies reply for too long and that youngest DD ankle heals. Glad you enjoyed your hen party in does sound fun and different. I go to my future DIl's later this year but that is a meal and drinks though it's ain a major tourist attraction place in summer - so goodness knows how busy it will be. 

What was the outcome for the car that broke down btw (DD3??) 


I know you've still got some hurdles to face  and it still might be a distance away but I believe you're now within  sight of the finishing line.   Keep going you're doing really well. 

Cherryfudge

The hen do sounds fun - there was a dance class at DiL's one as well which someone videoed. It was hilarious because I'm a beat behind everyone else! She had a few activities - cupcake decorating was another, and a meal out. It was a nice opportunity to get to know a few of her side of the family too.

My DS's mortgage took forever: from January to the end of April and in the end he pulled out as he realised they were prevaricating over some cladding and that could make it hard to sell in future. Hopefully yours will be easier but you are right to keep on top of it. They seem to take things at an inconveniently leisurely pace! (Apologies to any professionals who are quick at their job!)

I hope your DD's ankle heals soon, and your 'head down' week gets some lighter moments.