From debt to freedom...

Spendless

I'm so sorry but unfortunately not at all surprised that the ex hasn't signed in time. He wants to control you, he always has. His behaviour is because you were on the brink of being able to be free of him. This both stops you (albeit temporarily) and hurts you. I'm not excusing him he's an adult and responsible for his own moral compass  he needs help, but for that  he has to first understand that his behaviour is wrong and then seek help himself and I've never seen a word that makes me think he's capable of any self-reflection to do this

I hope he gets into bother when it's dragged back through the courts because he needs someone 'official' to tell him his actions are wrong.  They serve no purpose except to hurt you, which is why he does them (when I spoke to a DA adviser recently about my DD's toxic ex, she told me that he is psychologically abusive, obsessed with her and enjoying hurting her- to me at least you are describing the exact same thing with your ex) 

As one door shuts another tends to open, so long term, I'm sure something will work out. Absolutely fab news on just one remaining debt though - well done! 

lucielle

Sorry it hasn’t worked. Hope he gets his comeuppance. One debt left, well done it will soon be gone  
L

Sun_Addict

Your ex is such a 🤬 Words fail me! The day you’re finally rid of him will be a day for celebration that’s for sure. 

Kittykattykate

Ah I’m so sorry to hear about the mortgage, Lou. Your ex is a complete and utter di*k. Fingers crossed everything will proceed without needing his input now, so you can finally be rid.

Are the working kids contributing to the household? I’m worried that you are working too much!

enthusiasticsaver

I am so sorry you are at the mercy of your awful ex and he has cost you your mortgage offer. I hope the courts slap him with a tough penalty. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, Spendless, SA, Lucielle, KittykattyKate & ES.

I have struggled all week with the worry and stress of it all. I think it dawned on me this week that the ex has nothing to gain and nothing to lose by not cooperating as he holds the law in such low regard. Even if I apply for legal costs to be met by him, I will have an uphill and possibly costly struggle to get reimbursement. If I had been asked to sign something of legal importance, I’d prioritise it but that’s the difference between us. It saddens me that even if he wanted to be uncooperative to hurt me, the bottom line is I’m trying to provide a home for our children and knowing that he is happy to jeopardise that, has knocked me. I’m still dealing with the outfall from the behaviour episode this week, I think it will take some time to settle, if it does.

KittykattyKate - only 1 of the children living at home currently works but it is only part time as she is studying for a degree, so trying not to ask her for a contribution while she’s a student. She pays for her car costs.

Today it has been a relief not to work at either job and just to have a quieter day. I’ve spent time cleaning up ( housework gets slowly worse as we go through the term and have  less time and energy each week!) and sorting laundry. I’ve pricked out the Ammi Majus from the Feb sowing, ready to grow on a bit and then get to the allotment. The sweet peas are looking good and ready to go into the ground this week. I’ve bought some mange tout seed and some cucumber seed today. The cucumber seeds are sown already and have got some sunflower seeds sown as well. The porch is looking very green with the seedlings in trays everywhere!

I also got out for a decent walk with DD2’s dog. The cost of working such crazy hours has been the lack of time to walk. With the exception of the beach  walk on Sunday, I’ve not been on decent walks in a while. Today I took some public footpaths around the outskirts of the village which made for a lovely circular walk. Parts of the walk are in lanes that are dominated by the huge hedgerows that are currently covered in ever  growing sticky weed, clumps of primroses and the first of the stitch wort flowers. It’s so lovely to see the first of the leaves emerging and the whole hedge starting to turn green! Both the dog and I were much refreshed from the walk. While I have  time off Job 1 for a couple of weeks, I need to prioritise a daily walk.

I can’t do anything about the mortgage or legal work over the weekend so am trying to keep calm and enjoy the e time I have.

Cherryfudge

I hope it's been a good weekend with time to relax and get some more sunshine.

Spendless

I hope you're ok. I must have been horrible all week watching the clock ticking away whilst the ex does nothing and hoping for a last minute reprieve/solution. I know sometimes when I've realised what I hoped for isn't going to happen, I can't fetch myself to accept it until the deadline has gone and then that upsets me more, despite 'knowing' in advance.

If he has that much disregard for the law then I hope a sharp shock is coming his way over it. 

You're in a much better place than when you started this diary. Back then you struggled to get mortgage companies to consider you due to having 8 dependants, even though the eldest was at Uni I believe. You've only got 1 debt left. You've got what sounds like a caring SO in your life.

I'm glad you've now got some time off from Job 1, time to do your walks and also still deal with the financial/legal aspects. 

savingholmes

Sorry it's been tough agin with Ex. So frustrating for you. 

I'm with you on focusing on what you can control - but him costing you your mortgage offer is just so wrong... My heart goes out to you.

Buffythedebtslayer

ugh. 

I am so FURIOUS about your stupid stupid ex. How dare he. 

I can't write anything else cos it would be all too rude.Your grace in this situation is impressive.