From debt to freedom...

Kitten868

You haven't thrown cash about willy nilly. You spent it on decent quality time and it was special and appreciated. I think you're fine. It's just so tricky when there isn't much money. 

Without asking too much. Does your timeline see you being free in time for Christmas? Or seeing in the new year free? Please don't say if you can't. I'm just so determined for you. I really pray that your judge gives you all that you deserve. You've done everything on one income. No income from the rental and no income from child support. You are a one woman marvel. I know I couldn't manage what you do. I wish you strength through this stage. 

Fantastic news about ds2s apprenticeship. Hope they're doing a great job training him up xxx

janb5

What a lovely post Kitten868 - very affirmative and gladdens the heart!!

Spendless

Fish and chips on the beach sounds a lovely treat. It's not as if you do this regularly and if you didn't live so close to the beach, you'd be spending far more on entertainment.

I'm really pleased to hear there's now a timeframe in place and ex will be stopped from randomly coming and going. That's an interesting development re some of the children that went. I have to say out of the ones that did go DD2 surprised me the most. .So pleased she wants to spend time with you too.  What I would say is make sure she keeps her Dad's place as her official residence. The reason for this is when your DD1 leaves for Uni you will once again be eligible for the 25% off your council tax bill. What you don't want is a scenario where DD2 only pays bills at her Dad's place but you end up with 100% CT, because she's moved back in in all but name. I don't know if there are any restrictions on how often someone stays over re the CT discount but maybe check it out. Also DS2 getting an apprenticeship - well done to him. A few years back it wasn't possible to claim child related benefits in respect of that child if they were on an apprenticeship. I don't know if that still applies, you might remember from the days of DS1 doing one.  Maybe next week it's time to ring tax credits and update.  I'm sure it also used to be the case that you couldn't claim maintenance for a child doing an apprenticeship. If that's still so, then well done Dad as your ex has just scored an own goal. No top up benefits for having DS2, no claiming maintenance from you for having him and DD2  already wanting to split her time. Just DS1 who was always going to be a harder nut to crack but I stand by my '2 paychecks away' thoughts about it. 

Kitten makes a very good point about you never having received any rental income. I know you describe the rental property as 'exes house' which I've always thought either meant it's solely in his name or belonged to him before you were together, but I'm now thinking this will have been an asset of the marriage as I'm thinking you were probably married some time given that DD1 is in her early 20s, unless you didn't marry until later on when that might possibly make a difference.  

Does Job1 break up soon? 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Allikat86, Parkyp, SA, rugbymadfamily, Kitten868, Janb5 & Spendless.

Kitten868 - Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I will update when I can...

Parkyp - no still a couple of walls to go. Painting takes me a while!

Spendless - Thank you for pointing out about the address and council tax. I hadn’t thought of that. I will look into how residency is quantified in terms of nights spent for the council tax. Re the apprenticeship, I didn’t receive any tax credits or child benefit when DS1 started his apprenticeship and as far as I know, that is still the same. 
The rental property was the ex’s before we met - we were married for 18 years.

One more week to go before the end of term and looks to be a challenging one. 

dawnybabes

In a long marriage (which yours is) you’d be entitled to a share of the house - don’t sell yourself short here, it’s your future and he wont be looking out for you. 

Drawingaline

Agree. After an 18yr marriage all finances are on the table. So all property, savings and pensions.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Dawneybabes and DAL - interesting point which I must try to keep in mind. Unfortunately  cooperation isn’t fully  forthcoming so not sure what is on the table.

Finally, finally made it to the end of term! It’s been a crazy week. At the beginning of the week, I was  feeling  a little overwhelmed with all that had to be done. Overnight everything changed with a bubble having to be shut at Job no 1, throwing all end of term plans out of the window. My bubble wasn’t affected so it was a case of pitching in wherever possible to make it to the end of term. Job no 2 has been frantically busy, as more people are on holiday locally. The combination of the 2 jobs has meant I have hit the point of just needing to rest which sounds incredibly lazy but I feel shattered. Today has been a case of do a bit, rest a bit, do a bit, rest a bit.

Finances wise, I have been like a colander this week. Just lots of spending  - gifts for the people that work with me , colleagues who are leaving and the youngest two’s  teachers. The heat was been amazing, but less so for the elderly lurcher, so I got a cooling mat for him to lie on which I’m hoping is helping.

Next week there are 2 birthdays! It’s the first birthdays since some DCs moved out so I’m not quite sure how it’s all going to pan out🤔🙄. One of the younger DDs whose birthday is first, has already stated what she wants to do, which should be fairly doable. Less so DS2. He said he wants to do family stuff in the daytime and see his friends in the evening ....will have to firm up on the details.

With all the various spends, saving and debt busting has not happened this week but hoping I can press on next week.

janb5

You sound exhausted HSL2 so hopefully lots of tlc this weekend so you can recharge your batteries! Xx

Spendless

Yes agree with others, with the length of your marriage, all assets will be considered. I also suspect that a previous poster is correct and that your exes solicitor has pointed this out, and that has provided some if not all of the motivation behind asking some of the children to move in, though how he persuaded is still beyond me! 

I remember when mine were younger I used to have certain 'trigger points' in parts of the year that were very spend-y, especially when school related expenses and birthdays clashed!

I'm not surprised you're feeling tired. Hope you get some rest. 

Parkyp

Lazy, definitely not a word that could be used to describe you. You’ve had a hard week your exhausted now use the holidays to relax a bit. 

Two birthdays that means lots of cake. 

Awe the poor dog, I hope the mat is helping my sister has them for her two dogs. 

Enjoy your weekend