From debt to freedom...

Cherryfudge

Some lovely positives there: from the photos you've posted here I can well imagine your photo canvas is good.

Do look after yourself, the stress must be horrible. Would it be reasonable to request through the solicitor that he asks you to supply any items he feels he's entitled to, as he's clearly left the house even if it is partly in his name, and taking things without consultation is an aggressive act (and impinges on your peace of mind, even if it's done via one of the children).

I remember you haven't changed the locks as the house is partly his, but surely your residence and his long-term lack of presence/support must mean you have some sort of right to privacy?

savingholmes

You could try the human rights argument... So sorry you are going through this

Kitten868

I don't want to load onto you more but know that I think whats happened is awful. Be nice if he went out the garden and took his rubbish! 
Could you ask your daughter thats living at his house to bring the things back? I'm not sure of the whole situation so I appreciate you can't do this if it would put her at risk but seeing as how she is living with him I thought it would be ok. At the very least maybe pictures of what he's taken? To show the solicitor. 

Setting boundaries is really hard. Especially with people set to smash all of them. I hope you work it out in a way that suits you xxxx

rugbymadfamily

I'm so sorry that all this is going on. Being kind to yourself and to other definitely doesn't mean they get to behave however they like, stick up for yourself wherever you can and get this solicitor of yours to speed things up. Its not fair that it keeps getting dragged out on you. Stay strong, keep baking, walking and gardening! Sending virtual hugs and support galore, you are one seriously impressive lady!

dawnybabes

My Ex did this years ago, I threatened to call the police and report the stuff stolen unless he returned it within 2 days - it worked ….

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, SH, Kitten868, Rugbymadfamily and Dawneybabes.

This week has been fairly hectic at both jobs. I was called in for an extra day for Job 1 this week and look to be getting paid so that’s a positive, though it will probably be September’s pay check before I see it.

I have had communication with the solicitor. Time frames  have been put in place so that this walking in at will, can stop. I totally agree Kitten868 - I hope the ex takes his rubbish from the garden.

DD2 has surprised me by saying that she intended to float between the two homes - she has been back here a couple of nights this week, so it’s been good to see more of her🙂. DS2 started an apprenticeship job this week, which I am really pleased about. He was buzzing with enthusiasm at the beginning of the week which was so good to see. I am still taxiing him around at the moment, so have had opportunity to have some good chats with him. The most important chat this week was the 50/30/20 chat about money. I would think that the ex will expect some money from him but I have done my utmost to encourage him to save at least 20% of his wages, which he seems to have taken on board. He doesn’t have a current account at the moment, so had to try and open one online last night and have to take ID documents in to verify set up on Monday.

I confess I had a spendy day yesterday😒. Doing the extra time at Job 1 and being in full swing at Job 2 means that sometimes I don’t have quality time with  the adult children that are with me because their work patterns are different to mine. It so happened yesterday that DD1 and DD3 were free at the same time so we had a very rare trip to C0sta for a drink that had a lot of ice in. Nice and cooling but also very filling.

In the evening I had promised the  youngest Dd that she could choose what we had for tea and where we ate it. Her prompt response was fish and chips at the beach so we did. Another expense which I feel bad about, but just wanting to give the children some treat time. Both youngest DCs had great school reports with each passing what they needed to pass ( I know official tests were scrapped but their schools did voluntary ones anyway) so hoping the fish and chips was a suitable treat!  The beach was busier than it has been but the tide was out so plenty of space for everyone. The youngest DCs went in the sea whereas I paddled! It was a lovely evening.

On our return I got another coat of paint on the wall of the living room. It is looking much better for being painted. The fine weather will help me to get the curtains washed today🙂.

Hoping to get a couple of tip trips in today as we’ve hacked down so many weeds. There is a chance I might be able to get a free / low cost greenhouse for the back garden which would certainly help especially in Spring time.

Have a lovely Saturday everyone.

Allikat86

@Honeysucklelou2 you sound like such a lovely mum. What a great way to spend an evening! Mine always love chips on the beach too. I can empathise with spending guilt, but I honestly think that these little moments are the ones that continue to build connection and joy. Well done to your younger ones too!

Also wanted to say that I think that your approach with your son is really sensible, and you’re setting him up for life with those sorts of habits. 

Hope that you enjoy the beautiful sunshine today. We are heading to the beach later ☺️

Parkyp

That’s good your solicitor is looking to get something in place.
well done to young children 👏👏 for doing well at school. It was a special treat to reward them, nothing to feel guilty about. 

Great news ds2 has got an apprenticeship, I agree teach them to save. 

Is that your painting finished in the living room now? 

Enjoy your weekend 

Sun_Addict

Fish and chips at the beach sounds fabulous. Well done to them.  You do some lovely things with your children of all age groups. I’m glad you’ve got timeframes in place with the solicitor. If he doesn’t take his rubbish from the garden why don’t you load up the car and dump it in his garden now you know where he lives. Good news about DS2 getting the apprenticeship. Re savings good to point him in the right direction, get him used to saving.

rugbymadfamily

Great encouragement of DS2, wish my parents had had that chat with me earlier in life!

Fish and chips on the beach sounds like a great treat, very jealous of your close proximity to the beach. Can't wait for a chance to move closer to the sea!