From debt to freedom...

Cherryfudge

What a day. I wonder if it's worth you taking a few photos so if he tried this again you will be able to show what's gone on, and see what's missing? Can you ask your parents to look after a few irreplaceable things like artwork?

I hope you can get the driving licence replaced soon. I see there are alternatives to passports that you can send in, such as a National Insurance certificate, P45 or P60, would this save you another trip? Identity documents needed for a driving licence application - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk) I'm guessing it's the current photo, not the documents, that is the problem, though.

savingholmes

I would want to report him to the police for by theft... 

janb5

I would change the locks pronto and if challenged say they were faulty....! Of course you`re not giving him a key!
I`d also send him a solicitor letter to get the item back you paid for. This is totally intolerable and surely the whole divorce has gone far longer than you expected it to  I would also lob in your human rights that your personal possessions are being tampered with.

Suffolksue

what is more  worrying is that by doing nothing ,all the children are getting the message that this is an acceptable way to treat you 

Four_Seasons

Hi Honeysuckle, I was in exactly the same situation things missing when I left the house, my solicitor advised me to change the locks because of my X temperament I was worried, the locksmith changed the locks but advised the police he was concerned they duly contacted my solicitor and husband was sent a letter. After the initial upset things settled down and I think he realised that he couldn't bully me there were people who would help and support me! (my family all lived abroad). Please think about it I tried to keep things smooth between us but with hindsight it was never going to work that's why he was and X.

Kittykattykate

Honeysuckle you need to put things away like towels, bedding, pots and pans etc. Drive around with these in the boot of your car if you must. Your ex is completely vile but I won’t be surprised if your eldest son also had a hand in this!

Allikat86

@Honeysucklelou2 - I didn’t realise that he’d taken stuff that you’d bought since your split. Your ex sounds like a bully. I am disproportionately irritated on your behalf because I remember how this felt. I was too placid and kept the peace. What he’s doing is unacceptable. You sound like such a kind and considerate person. Channel some of that to yourself. X

Spendless

I'm with the others . You need to take advice about what you can do to stop this. I'm concerned for you because to me you're not safe. By that I don't mean from physical harm, but certainly psychological. You can't possibly come back from working 2 jobs and be wondering what items could be missing. when you arrive home. It will make you ill - I'm wondering if that is your ex's aim tbh.

I'd not thought of the angle of older ones rent paying the maintenance of the younger ones either, but yes that would make sense. However I remain convinced that there's a maximum of 2 pay checks away before at least one of the children that left realise what a cushy deal they had with you. 

Take care. It must be hugely stressful. Hope you've at least managed to sort the driving license out. 

Sun_Addict

I’m concerned your ex is playing mind games with you. It’s the sort of thing you read in a crime thriller where the ex is a psycho constantly chipping away. What’s he playing at, what’s he hoping to achieve?

Echoing Spendless, please get some advice and take care. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, Janb5, SH, Suffolksue, Fourseasons, Kittykatttkate, Allikat86, Spendless & SA.

SA - funny you should mention a crime thriller...DD1 is reading one at the moment and was shocked at how many of the character’s actions matched the ex’s. It’s a good question - what is he trying to achieve? 

Spendless - after last week in particular, I ‘we had that “knot in the stomach” feeling about going home after work, which is horrible. I have kept the solicitor updated and they are raising issues with his solicitor.

Kittykattykate - I hadn’t thought about keeping basic household items with me, although I do take my paper diaries to work with me so that those can’t disappear.

Four-Seasons & Allikat86 - trying to keep the peace is what I’ve tried to do, but you are right. There are huge differences in the way the ex and I think and behave. I won’t stop being polite and modelling courtesy for the children’s sake but I’m needing to learn the difference between trying to be kind and allowing myself to be walked all over, if that makes sense.

The positives today- my canvas photo arrived and looks really lovely up on the wall. DD1 thinks I should order another to match for the other side of the wall.
DD1 kindly painted a second coat of paint on the living room wall🙂.
Beautiful weather🙂.
Calendulas in bloom🙂.