From debt to freedom...

janb5

Hi HSL...I`ve been MIA for a few weeks and so have just caught up with your thread.

I`m heartened by the lovely comments by the regular forumites who have given such great advice.

I`ve been jumping up and down in indignation on your behalf( yes not a pretty sight to watch me!) because after all these years of separation, your ex still walks in and out of the house without as much as a by your leave!

Surely the solicitor can insist this has got to stop as he virtually signalling to you he`s in control!  So outrageous!

I share with others their misgivings why your ex has changed tack and now offering his home to some of the children.  Is there any mileage in getting the CSA involved or is this an avenue you`ve already explored?  I cannot fathom why you have had to take two jobs on in order to make ends meet while he has paid nothing.....At least you will have his address now which you have never had.

Honeysucklelou2

Hi Janb5 - it’s good to “see” you 😀. I haven’t gone down the CSA route before. I find his
 non- compliance with the legal side disheartening and I feel that I can only fight so much at once. Certainly one to bear  in mind once the court case is heard.

Have spent this morning on housework, still quite wet and  grey, so no garden work done yet 😒. A grocery delivery is due later ( so thankful for home deliveries especially in times of self isolation) .

Allikat86

@Honeysucklelou2 I can really identify with some of the things that you’ve posted. You sound like you are doing such an amazing job, especially with a challenging ex in tow.

janb5

Gosh I`d love to be a fly on the wall with the court case!  Like others I`m in awe as to how well you`ve maintained your dignity throughout some challenging times and you first starting posting in 2016!

By the way the cerinthe has started to flower again!  I lost pelagoniums in the winter but not the cerinthe.Very pleased.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Janb5 and Allikat86.

So pleased about the cerinthe Janb5. I have lost so many seedlings to slugs and snails this year.  I have Calendula in flower now and the cornflowers are about to bloom🌸. The roses were beautiful but have gone over now, such a short season, you have to enjoy them in the moment!

dawnybabes

You can apply through CSA online, they deal with it all on your behalf.  You won’t get it for the older children (18+) but will for the small ones.  This could make a huge difference in what you could have coming in. 

Spendless

I'd at least flag to your solicitor that you're not in receipt of any child maintenance. It might not make any difference to the sorting out of assets, but at least your solicitor would be aware of the full situation. I'd not thought that exes own solicitor might be suggesting to him things to do and that's why some of the kids have left. Would love to know what he's told them though, for older DS to think paying Dad 10x what he reluctantly pays Mum is a good idea! 

Kitten - Honestly I didn't think you were being sarky. Just explaining why I stepped in to explain ahead of HSL and why I didn't get to put my whole post on. As I now can't remember what my DD wanted me for it clearly wasn't as important as she'd insisted it was! I agree you can't convey well on here , and I've not got the hang of emojis since the last site change! 

Are you able to do anything in the garden HSL since you can't get out?  How long till your isolation stops? It should be my DD's final week at college, but some of them have got covid so it's gone on zoom and the rest are having to isolate. Thankfully mine wasn't in college last week. Didn't think I'd ever be giving thanks to an accident that resulted in her spending hours in A & E and kept her off site! 

Kitten868

I'm really feeling for you HSL. You're going through so many huge changes blindsided and you can't even have your escape. You convey well how much your walks mean to you and its cruel you can't. I hope you can find something to refresh you or give you strength. Maybe you could get your painting done? Or have a sort out of some stuff? Make your surroundings lighter or nicer? Thinking of you and hope things start getting easier soon xxx

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Dawneybabes, Spendless and Kitten868.

Dawneybabes - I had no idea it was all online, thank you for that information.

Spendless - I have another 5 days to go. I have tasks to get on with from Job 1 so plenty to do. I did get into the garden yesterday and did an hours weeding between rain showers which made me feel better. I am looking forward to getting out for a decent walk next weekend though!

Kitten868 - I did do a bit more of a floor repair last night which did cheer me and I am thinking I may have enough time to paint the living room🙃. I think I need to find a new normal, a new routine with the children I have at home as well as ensuring that I make time for those who have moved out.

Honeysucklelou2

Not quite sure where today went, a blurred mix of home schooling, working tasks, an online meeting and getting another PCT test.