From debt to freedom...

Cherryfudge

Sending hugs.

Some people are entitled to financial help from their local authority if they have to isolate - track and trace will be able to give information if they are in contact with you but otherwise it may be worth a call to the local authority helpline.

Spendless

Oh what a rough time you're having HSL in health issues plus financial and family ones. It will all improve 

I'd not even thought of childcare issues, of course with 3 of the older ones gone and a 4th about to (Is that what the exes angle was??!!). Yes I'd agree with asking if DD2 can help if she intends juggling between the 2 homes. Isn't child no 5 also a sixth former? Forgot what number DD this must be.  Only thinking back to what you said them all learning to drive, when you were thinking of that other car - probably a good job you didn't go ahead with purchasing. Would she be able to help out?   

As tough as it might be now, just think 6 months into the future. Do you truly believe all 3 of them will be living there still? I don't. I think whatever baloney Dad has had them believe, they will soon see it isn't like that! 

Parkyp

Awe sorry your having to isolate and losing income from job2. Why don’t you contact csa (or whatever it is called now) and get your ex to pay his share for the children, why should you have to work 2 jobs to make ends meet. 

Hope you got out in the garden 

Kitten868

I can't keep up! I don't know how you're doing it. And so calmly. I certainly wouldn't be ok with them flitting between the two. If they're buying into his scam they should see what they're doing. So potentially within a few months you'll be down to 2 children at your home? Could that mean you go back to full time at job 1 to balance things back in a way that you have childcare for and can cope with?
Also if they're moving out please please stop financing their cars and insurance and any other expenses. You shouldn't have been paying it anyway. Have you asked your lawyer what game your ex is playing? They are bound to know. I really hope they're doing their job right and get what you're entitled to. Certainly doesn't seem like they are.

Hope you're doing alright. Definitely lay claim to the biggest bedroom now. And also fewer dependents on the mortgage application and you could get away with a two bed if you do need to move. Stay strong wonderful lady xxxxx

Sun_Addict

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a rough time at the moment, totally not deserved. Your flipping ex 🤬 You are so resourceful I’m sure you’ll come through this 🙏

sashybo

Sorry to hear about all the upheaval HSL, hope you’re feeling ok. 

Your ex is a piece of work (to say the least), hopefully as the others have said the kids that have moved out will see that the grass isn’t always greener. 

Spendless

Kitten868 said:

I can't keep up! I don't know how you're doing it. And so calmly. I certainly wouldn't be ok with them flitting between the two. If they're buying into his scam they should see what they're doing. So potentially within a few months you'll be down to 2 children at your home? Could that mean you go back to full time at job 1 to balance things back in a way that you have childcare for and can cope with?
Also if they're moving out please please stop financing their cars and insurance and any other expenses. You shouldn't have been paying it anyway. Have you asked your lawyer what game your ex is playing? They are bound to know. I really hope they're doing their job right and get what you're entitled to. Certainly doesn't seem like they are.

Hope you're doing alright. Definitely lay claim to the biggest bedroom now. And also fewer dependents on the mortgage application and you could get away with a two bed if you do need to move. Stay strong wonderful lady xxxxx

No. They'll be 4 kids left at home. There's 8 children in total. Of the eldest 4, 1 is returning to University studies in the Autumn and the next 3 are moving to live with Dad or rent somewhere off Dad, not sure which. That leaves the younger 4 at home, and the eldest of that half is I think a sixth former, so yes might be off to Uni Sept next year but when HSL tried before she discovered that a Uni student still counted as a dependant for a mortgage application.  That surprised me too, but made sense when I thought about it, because SFE how much maintenance loan you receive is dependant on the household income of where student lives so student is still 'dependant' on parents. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you SH, Cherryfudge, Spendless, Parkyp, Kitten868, SA and Sashybo.

Cherryfudge - Thank you. I didn’t realise the local authority could help. I looked online, after speaking to HR at Job 2. They  said I needed to complete a form but I am just a few pounds a week  short of the level needed for SSP. There is a grant available for those who can’t get SSP but I doubt I will be able to get that because I do have my earnings from Job 1. It’s just unfortunate when earning from 2 jobs.

Spendless - 3 have moved out but child no 5 is one of those 3. At the moment DD2 hasn’t been back that much to care for her dog so I can’t see me being able to rely on her for childcare. You are right about the car. I’m so glad I didn’t go for it.

Kitten868 - Thank you for your kind words. From September I’ll have 4 at home so a little while before I can downsize! Going full time in job 1 would be an ideal solution but unfortunately there isn’t the capacity to do so. I would have to look for an additional role elsewhere to make up to full time or move to another setting completely. I am keeping my eye on the jobs market.

It is so quiet here now, it’s uncanny! Obviously the noisy ones have moved out! I cooked tea last night and was stunned at how little food we used in comparison to usual, so I’m sure I can trim the grocery budget somewhat!  I never used to batch cook because my idea of a normal sized amount for a meal is the same as some else's version of batch cooking but I can see that if I cook the usual amount and freeze half I can get another meal sorted.

I did have a good sort out yesterday and got a whole big bag of clothes ready to go to the clothes bank. Clothes that the children have grown out of and there is no point hanging on to them. Also went through a couple of piles of paperwork and have been able to recycle or shred another big recycling bag full🙂.

I got quite a bit of work done fo4 Job 1 yesterday but more to do today so hope to get that sorted. Unfortunately it came in quite damp yesterday so hoping it will dry up enough for me to get into the garden later.

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry Spendless, must have cross posted!

Kitten868

I beg your pardon everybody. Last night I was thinking there are 6. To go from 8 down to 5 though must be a crazy adjustment and I'm not surprised you're noticing it right away. Hopefully your other bills will come down too. And you'll have to be more organised with childcare but I think you'll get to be less organised in other areas with fewer people to maneuvere out every morning. 
Are you thinking the mortgage application is going to have to be sooner than September? My point still stands though you could fit in a 3 bed if you were really up against it with the mortgage. I know its not ideal but I was trying to be more reassuring as I know it must seem scary trying to navigate this and that seems much more achievable. 
Also not very impressed that you've been left with the dog but no surprises there. Xxx