From debt to freedom...

CRANKY40

Spendless has put my gut feeling of "he's up to something" into words way more eloquently than I ever could. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Parkyp, Cherryfudge, Spendless, SA & Cranky40.

Cherryfudge - Thank you , I hadn’t looked at it from that perspective and you are absolutely right, the younger ones can have more concentrated time with me. One DD will actually be relieved because DS1’s behaviour can be too similar to the ex’s.

 I have tried to be upbeat with DS1, even though he refuses to pay his  June council tax share  on the grounds that he is moving out. I said to him that I wanted to treat everyone the same and when DD1 left for uni, I bought her household bits and pieces such as towels, bedding, mugs etc, so asked him which colour he would prefer. This last week has been an absolute emotional roller coaster though. I have a horrible feeling, from what one DD has said, that the ex is intending to take DS2 as well although as yet he ( the ex) hasn’t said a word to me.

On Friday I thought the best thing I could do was to keep parenting in the way that I have, so I picked the younger ones up from school and we had tea on the beach. The timing was brilliant. It was low tide, so a fairly big beach given we had gone to a smaller cove and only one other group so plenty of space. DD1 came as well with her bf and I invited DS1 to come as well. He doesn’t usually come with me to the beach...he would always prefer the woods or moors, but to my utter amazement he and his girlfriend came for an hour or so, which I really appreciated. The waves were beautiful, the way the sun fell on the water meant that at just the point that the wave broke, it was a stunning turquoise colour with a golden hue. I spent a fair amount of time just looking at and listening to the waves.

Spendless - Thank you for the heads up about  the council tax. It’s tricky because DD1 has always paid her share exactly on time but I think I will have to shoulder the difference until September. I know she would gladly try to pay more, but I am equally conscious that she will have her own housing costs from September and she will need every penny to put towards that.

I am still keeping an eye on the job vacancies locally in the hope that I can find something. I could do another day but tricky to find one day a week posts. I have seen them, in the past though so will keep looking and hoping.

£37 banked in tips this week, so have used £28 to build up savings and sent £9 off a debt. Wages from job 2 this week have mainly gone on the water bill but was able to squeeze a £30 payment off a debt. I did check the credit club monthly report and I have taken my eye off the ball somewhat with the second window loan. I was pleased and surprised to see that this debt has come under the £1000 barrier and now stands at £992.  Keeping on chipping away on the other debts and they are going in the right direction. I know I have to get a mortgage in principle arranged for the legal side so the motivation to clear as much as possible before having to apply for a mortgage in principle is helping to keep me focussed!

Have a good Sunday everyone🙂.

Sun_Addict

I wonder why the ex suddenly wants the kids living with him. Does he realise what it’s going to be like having them 24-7, although I know they’re older and should be fairly self-sufficient. They might come back to you when they realise the grass isn’t greener.

Good luck with the job hunting. I know the hospitality industry is desperate for staff at the moment but perhaps tricky to find one for one day a week as you say. Maybe a little cafe or shop that needs a hand on busier days? Fingers crossed for you.

Spendless

Well, I'm glad you got some downtime with watching the waves on the beach with your family.

I'm unsure of the exes agenda too. DS2 potentially going though throws a new curveball as this is an under 18 and may well alter what a court decides about the splitting up of assets. Maybe it's just that DS2 wants to be with older brother and live wherever he is? I am tempted to think just let them discover what the reality is like though, just from what you've written before I can't see ex being as supportive (financial and otherwise) as you have been for them. Using the refusal of DS1 to pay his share of June's CT bill as an example is their Dad really going to let him off the hook of paying any bills, because I can't see him stepping up and paying them out of his own pocket. It took him a while but when you asked eldest son to either provide a meal for the whole family or pay his share of CT, he eventually twigged the CT bill was the cheaper and easier option - I do think living with Dad (if that's what they're doing) may well eventually come under the same awareness.

Anyway - chin up. Keep to the positives. Under £1K for window loan 2 is amazing. Yes, looking for a 1 day a week job is difficult. I wasn't pleased when DD jacked hers in because they'd taken her 2nd day hours away (they'd got wind she's off to Uni!). Here part time can be problematic too, as they would full availability for part-time hours. Never understood that when I was looking for part time work, if I'd had full availability, I'd have had a f-time job and earnt more!

Parkyp

My son works part time at a department store, he gives them his availability and then they give out the rota. So when he’s not on shift he makes plans to do something, they then phone On the day  and say can you do extra shift , no sorry can’t I’m going to the cinema
well you had it on your availability sheet, yeh that was a fortnight ago when you made the rota - they think you dont have a life. I do understand thinks happen at short notice etc but they really don’t have to have such an attitude if you can’t do it, he always does it if he’s no plans- young ones like the extra cash. 

That must have been nice that so many of you got to the beach. 

Well done on the window loan 👏👏

Humdinger1

HSL just to chip in with my experience here.  Last year, my 16 yr old daughter decided she wanted to spend alt weeks with dad and stepma.  I gritted my teeth but encouraged her to go right ahead as knew it wouldn't work as well as it did here with me and her stepfather.   Within 2 months, she decided exactly that.  The lecturing, unrealistic expectations; the frankly teenage behaviour of the stepma; attempting to control what she wore... it went on and on.  She is now back full time and is mostly the best version of herself.  I predict that whichever children go to EXH, they'll be back even quicker as  it will be full time.  Forgive me asking, but do you get any maintenance from him? I think your solicitor will want his overall contribution to be measured and will know how to make sure the judge takes it into account.   Keep going, you're amazing love Humdinger x 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you SA, Spendless, Parkyp and Humdinger.

Humdinger - Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. No I don’t receive any maintenance.

Spendless - DS1 has already mentioned a figure that he is to be charged each month...it’s ten times what I asked him for to cover his 1/3 of the council tax and I’ve struggled to get that , having to keep reminding him from the 1st of the  month to whenever he pays.

Been feeling a bit yucky with a cold which has developed into a cough, so have gone for a PCR test today.  I had a negative lateral flow yesterday but thought it best to be safe. I was impressed with how efficient the whole process was from booking to actually having the test. Now at home until the results come through.

Got back to more legal stuff to wade through. Suffice to say that every time  I think it can’t get any worse, it does seem to😱😫.

savingholmes

Sorry you are having such a mare. Hugs. 

Honeysucklelou2

The test result came back really quickly - most impressive - and was negative. I went to work at Job 1 and found that quite a few in my class had had similar symptoms over the weekend so obviously just a summer cough and cold rather than Covid. Thankful for a negative result 🙂.

Parkyp

Glad your test result was negative. One of my colleagues and 10 friends went to London for football, he has tested positive (minor symptoms) but they’re all loving having to isolate so they get to watch football during the day . Typical young guy attitudes 🤣🤣