Getting someone to leave

PeacefulWaters

Numerous failed first and second dates along the way since leaving my wife but ...

October 2015 - third date at hers was when it happened. I was a naive so and so and subsequently discovered I should have made my move on the second date. Five month relationship.

May 2016 - first date. Gobsmacked. Stunning lady who made a massive impression on me. Ended up ghosting me!

June 2016 - second date. She manoeuvred things to create an opportunity to get me back to her place after a meal out. Lasted a few weeks as she thought I was looking for something better. Very insecure.

October 2016 - sixth date, albeit first time invited around to her place. Still seeing her.

My limited experience is if a lady invites you in there's a great chance you'll get more than a coffee. If a lady sets expectations as "I need you to leave at 10pm as I've a busy day tomorrow" she can stick to that or change her mind and is playing fair either way.

Never realised I was such a tart.

sparkychris

joeblags wrote: »

just let his smash you and be done with it.

I agree with this. If you don't want him staying over, do the nasty early on in the evening then jabber on and on about whatever women jabber on about post coitally and he'll be the one making excuses....

Winner winner chicken dinner

Proxima_Centauri

BrassicWoman wrote: »

actual data! it's not the 3rd date, it's the 3.53rd date

http://www.timeout.com/dating-2015/

I would take this 'data' with a huge pinch of salt. Quite fun to read, though.

Primrose

Not possible now but back in the sixties when I wanted a boyfriend to leave I would start putting my hair in curlers!! Worked a treat !

Dird

consumers_revenge wrote: »

as a bloke, if you were expecting me to be staying over on a 3rd date I would be assuming you were far to easy and doing this quite often so would run a mile.

Did you go on dates via horse & carriage? 3 dates could cover a couple of shared hobbies & entire life stories via whatsapp in between

OP doesn't make it clear. When I initially read it I assumed she didn't want to do the dirty on date #3, is this not the case? Don't see why someone would want to smash then kick them out as some have suggested in comments.

Just tell him the generic nice to see you, maybe suggest he cooks at his next time. If he tries to make a move, refuse & say too soon. If he visibly seems annoyed then he's a !!!!boy & steer clear. Invited for dinner at home on date #3 I'd be expecting my 15 second plough so should be interesting how he reacts to a nothx

pollyanna24

Thanks for everyone's replies.

Seems to be varying responses.

I don't think I'm a prude and think if I was really "into" someone, it really wouldn't bother me. But that's the problem. I've met him twice before and whilst I like him, I'm suspecting that there's nothing there (at least for me). Maybe I was hoping he'd grow on me, but at the moment, the idea of sleeping with him, hmmm... I don't know.

But even if I did, I think my main issue was I still wouldn't want him spending the night. I've had too many years by myself I think. Until I know him a lot better, is it wrong to just want your own time? Or is it just because it's the wrong person that you think you need your own time? I.e I would want him to go and then me slob in front of the telly in my trackies without him being there all night. Maybe I'm weird.

CuppaTea

Pollyanna I get what you are saying completely! If you are weird then so am I.

onomatopoeia99

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Until I know him a lot better, is it wrong to just want your own time?.

It's never wrong. It took me until I was in my thirties to understand that I needed alone time.

PeacefulWaters

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's replies.

Seems to be varying responses.

I don't think I'm a prude and think if I was really "into" someone, it really wouldn't bother me. But that's the problem. I've met him twice before and whilst I like him, I'm suspecting that there's nothing there (at least for me). Maybe I was hoping he'd grow on me, but at the moment, the idea of sleeping with him, hmmm... I don't know.

But even if I did, I think my main issue was I still wouldn't want him spending the night. I've had too many years by myself I think. Until I know him a lot better, is it wrong to just want your own time? Or is it just because it's the wrong person that you think you need your own time? I.e I would want him to go and then me slob in front of the telly in my trackies without him being there all night. Maybe I'm weird.

Nothing wrong with it.

But make sure you've lowered his expectations before he arrives.

As I posted above, once I've found myself in a lady's home I've become optimistic (without taking anything for granted).

Enjoy the evening.

indiepanda

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's replies.

Seems to be varying responses.

I don't think I'm a prude and think if I was really "into" someone, it really wouldn't bother me. But that's the problem. I've met him twice before and whilst I like him, I'm suspecting that there's nothing there (at least for me). Maybe I was hoping he'd grow on me, but at the moment, the idea of sleeping with him, hmmm... I don't know.

But even if I did, I think my main issue was I still wouldn't want him spending the night. I've had too many years by myself I think. Until I know him a lot better, is it wrong to just want your own time? Or is it just because it's the wrong person that you think you need your own time? I.e I would want him to go and then me slob in front of the telly in my trackies without him being there all night. Maybe I'm weird.

I always need some time on my own, even in a very happy relationship. The last time I lived with a guy he was a football fan and he used to go to the pub to watch Barcelona games and give me some peace and quiet to watch my favourite crime dramas - he was more chatty than me and would drive me mad interrupting while I was trying to watch.

However, I suspect from what you are saying the issue is the guy you are with, not needing time alone - if it were one of your female friends coming over would you be so keen to pack them off home straight after dinner?

When the football fan and I were first dating we spent almost every night together from our third date onwards and I loved having him around to snuggle up with in front of the TV. It took longer for me to need to have some time away from him that was alone time rather than time with friends or at work.