Getting someone to leave

pollyanna24

Just met a guy and we've been on a couple of dates. As we are trying save money, he is coming to mine for a meal.

But, without being rude, how do I get him to leave if he seems settled in for the evening?

I know this might sound rude, but I don't want him assuming that he's staying (definitely too early for anything like that), but just when I'm ready for him to go, what do I do? If we were out on a date, then I could just make excuses and go home.

mellymoo74

Have a prior appointment
Or get a mate to call to invite you out xx

Person_one

You stand up, you say "Well, this has been really nice, thanks for coming" or similar and you pass him his coat with a smile.

However, if you don't feel confident about getting a man you don't know well to leave, maybe it would be a better idea to stay in public places until you know him better and feel more comfortable?

PasturesNew

He'll have his toothbrush in his pocket. An invite round's as good as laid in a fella's book

Get somebody to phone you about an hour before you want him to leave and talk through your half of a conversation where you say "I can't help with that right now as I'm in the middle of dinner. Can I call you back in an hour when my guest has left and we can go through it all" .... there's the hint laid out.

Then 45 minutes later it's "Well, thanks for a great evening; sorry to rush you out, but I have to phone my boss about that work thing ...."

FBaby

How about being totally honest? Once the polite conversation has taken place, bring the conversation to how pleased you are that you are having a second date, that you are grateful he made the effort to come to you, and that you hope he likes the meal you've cooked, and then with a smile say that you've only got one bottle of wine (assuming he is not driving) because falling asleep and staying over is not an option.

Then say you hope he won't consider it rude if you put an end to the date before X time because you have to get up early to get to Z. Ideally, you would already have had that conversation before him coming, but I think it is better to get it out from the start or you might feel anxious about it the whole time, which would defeat the whole point.

Of course, make sure you let people know he is coming, after all, it is only a second date with someone you've just met and therefore don't know yet.

74jax

I think if you're stressing over this maybe it's too early to have him round.

indiepanda

PasturesNew wrote: »

He'll have his toothbrush in his pocket. An invite round's as good as laid in a fella's book

And that's why I would never invite a guy back to my house unless I wanted to get laid.

I know he has no right to expect it, but it's so much easier not to go getting into situations that might be awkward than have to manage them once you are in them.

PasturesNew

FBaby wrote: »

Once the polite conversation has taken place, bring the conversation to how pleased you are that you are having a second date, that you are grateful he made the effort to come to you, and that you hope he likes the meal you've cooked, and then with a smile say ...

"Be seein' ya then" and open the front door

Lily-Rose_3

Agree with the above posters, and I am TOTALLY with you here. Even when we have someone (not a relative,) to visit, I usually say (if they are coming at 2pm for example,) 'yeah 2pm will be fab; we have to pick up my friend/brother/cousin whoever from the station at 5pm, so that gives us almost 3 hours!'

So I know they will be gone by 4.45pm. I don't mind people coming, but can't bear it when I don't know what time they are staying til, and having that awkward 'I wonder when they'll leave' scenario. A couple of mates of ours stay 1-2 hours max, and we get on well and it's all good, but we have had people still stuck here after 4 hours with no sign of leaving! :eek: It's painful and stressful.

Not keen on visitors anyway, but it's not so bad if I know when they're leaving.

Prefer to meet out, so I can leave when I want if I'm being honest!

Just say to him that you need to pick someone up at 10pm (from the bus station or something...')

If it does bother you too much, maybe just meet at a cheap carvery next time, so it won't cost you any more than cooking at home...

Brighton_belle

I would have thought the 'picking someone up at 10pm' thing would be impossible as she has young children in bed I think
I also think it is much better to start the relationship with open and honest communication and set the boundaries of the evening early on.

Lily-Rose_3

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I would have thought the 'picking someone up at 10pm' thing would be impossible as she has young children in bed I think
I also think it is much better to start the relationship with open and honest communication and set the boundaries of the evening early on.

Oh right, sorry, must read posts properly before replying!

I think you're right, maybe better to be honest, and say she gets tired by 9-ish and would it be OK if they called it a night by half nine or so.