Men - I despair

martinthebandit

trailingspouse wrote: »

He's the father of the bride!! How can I find something amusing about his trousers looking ridiculous!!

At what point have I been 'mothering' him? When he bought them, and I didn't remind him to try them on?

Yes, the temptation to just walk away was extremely strong - but that wouldn't be fair on his daughter.

Have now found somewhere that does a 1 hour alteration service, so the immediate problem is solved. The frustration, however, remains.

You were looking to turn the trousers up for him, you are telling him what colour socks to wear.

Nope, that's not what mothers do for their children at all is it?

missbiggles1

Be happy that he's there at your daughter's wedding - not everybody is so fortunate.

Ames

If the trousers are so long the socks won't be visible anyway...

Seriously - is his daughter bothered about what colour socks he wears? She must know what he's like by now and may well be expecting to laugh it off as 'dad being dad again'.

indiepanda

Either

a) your husband cares what he looks like but is too lazy to try clothes on and in fixing his mistakes you are enabling him to carry on being lazy.

or

b) he just really doesn't care what he looks like.

If it's a) you need to back off and let him make his mistakes and suffer the consequences. If he does care he will start to buck his ideas up.

If it's b) you have to decide whether it's worth the hassle of continually having to adjust his clothes to get him to look the way you want him to look as it will never matter to him.

Personally I would leave him alone, despite your protestations to the contrary, I think you are mothering him.

Gloomendoom

If he's that bothered he could always take his own trousers up. Even at short notice a needle and thread (any colour) followed by an iron would sort it out.

If it's you that's bothered, do it for him.

splishsplash

trailingspouse wrote: »

He's the father of the bride!! How can I find something amusing about his trousers looking ridiculous!!

At what point have I been 'mothering' him? When he bought them, and I didn't remind him to try them on?

Yes, the temptation to just walk away was extremely strong - but that wouldn't be fair on his daughter.

Have now found somewhere that does a 1 hour alteration service, so the immediate problem is solved. The frustration, however, remains.

If someone said to me 'uh oh, I didn't try on these trousers and now I find they're four inches too long', my reaction would be 'that's too bad, how are you going to fix things in time for your daughter's wedding?'.

If my child said to me 'uh oh, I didn't try on these trousers and now I find they're four inches too long' I'd be more inclined to huff and puff and say 'great, now we have to go find a tailor/shop to buy new ones - and get new socks while we're at it', while rolling my eyes, flouncing about and muttering 'honestly, how many times have we been through this' under my breath... before dragging him off to sort it for him.

I deduce therefore, that people infer you are mothering him when you implied you looked for an alteration service and considered hand stitching a hem. You also said he would wear black socks 'over your dead body'. Strong words when it comes to socks, also making decisions on how another dresses is more a motherly thing, surely?

Glad you (you?) found the alteration service, I hope the wedding goes well!

Lily-Rose_3

trailingspouse wrote: »

Not all men - but my man in particular.

For the last 17 years I've been telling him to try clothes on before he buys them. For the last 17 years he's been surprised every time he's bought something (without trying it on) and then got it home and found that it doesn't fit. 17 years. He's in all other respects a clever bloke.

Just now (at his suggestion) we've had a last-minute try-on of our outfits for his daughter's wedding. It's an informal affair by UK standards, but still required the purchase of a new jacket and new trousers. He didn't try the trousers on when he bought them. They're too long for him. It's now too late to get them altered. I could possibly take them up myself, but it would be hand stitched (we're away from home so no access to a sewing machine), and I don't think it would look very good. I also don't feel like helping him much at the moment, as I'm extremely annoyed at him.

AND, it hasn't crossed his mind to think about what socks he's going to wear. His trousers are cream, his shoes are brown and he 'thinks' he might wear black socks. Over my dead body he will!!! But - we now need to go and buy him some appropriate socks!!

Honestly, a three year old would be easier. How can a man who is otherwise successful and organised be so cr*p when it comes to clothes?? This is a serious question - I REALLY need to know, before I wrap the trousers round his neck and stuff the black socks who knows where.

I wonder if there is something else underlying, because although I don't like to poo-poo or trivialise anyone's worries; this seems hugely trivial and like you're getting het up over nothing.

In all seriousness, you have been together 17 years, and you KNOW he is useless at doing stuff like this, so why don't you automatically step in and go with him? I'm not saying mother him, but just help him in the things he struggles with.

There are things I am useless at (DIY for example,) and hubby steps in and does it. Despite the cries of 'don't mother him, don't help him,' I don't see why you shouldn't. When you're a couple, you do help each other and do things for each other when the other is a bit useless at it. (Whether people like to admit it or not!)

In future, just say 'it's an important do; we'll get your outfit together.'

bearcat16

"How can a man who is otherwise successful and organised be so cr*p when it comes to clothes??"

Well the answer is simple. His brilliant mind is focused on important things. Clothes don't even enter his sphere of interest.

Gloomendoom

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I wonder if there is something else underlying, because although I don't like to poo-poo or trivialise anyone's worries; this seems hugely trivial and like you're getting het up over nothing.

In all seriousness, you have been together 17 years, and you KNOW he is useless at doing stuff like this, so why don't you automatically step in and go with him? I'm not saying mother him, but just help him in the things he struggles with.

There are things I am useless at (DIY for example,) and hubby steps in and does it. Despite the cries of 'don't mother him, don't help him,' I don't see why you shouldn't. When you're a couple, you do help each other and do things for each other when the other is a bit useless at it. (Whether people like to admit it or not!)

In future, just say 'it's an important do; we'll get your outfit together.'

Exactly. It's only a problem if you want to make it a problem.

Primrose

I had to laugh at this because years ago my dad went out and bought such an inappropriate new suit for my wedding (a loud Prince of Wales check) that my mother and I refused to be seen dead in the church with him wearing it. I still remember the arguments it caused. He had to go out and buy another one but refused to have anybody with him when he chose it.


So yes, Men !!! But we still love them, don't we? For the first 15 years of our marriage my husband refused to wear any colour shirt other than white with a suit . The day I actually persuaded him into a pale blue shirt for work the heavens nearly fell in. After 40 years we're getting there slowly but still no exotic T shirts with slogans or logos or Hawayan shirts with palms on them !