This date - what happened?

NWOIHTS

Zeni wrote: »

If shes still messaging you, she's got to be still interested other why would she message you so much. The leaving on the first date maybe did worry her a little thinking you wanted to end gtge date maybe she started to worry you didnt like her.. its only human to think about things like that but you've explained it to her now. Personally, if you like her I say message hr and just be honest otherwise you could dance around it for ages and never do anything. Something like 'Hi, I hope you have a great Christmas, would love to meet up again in the new year if your free? I really enjoyed our last meeting etc. I think if you pull away now that's going to send hr another signal maybe your not interested. Give the girl a break, Christmas is a very hard time of year to meet up over if you have a million plans and family chaos etc.

(Side note.. I met my husband on PoF and it took us over 2 weeks from our first date to our second as I was so busy as I had just started a new job and here we are almost 5 years later!)

I've already explained the leaving at the time I did on the first date and have subsequently suggested another time, which never worked for her - ok fair enough. She has told me what she is busy with and I understand, I will not mention it her but is a valid thing many people have to go through some time.

Fair enough but being a bloke and being logical I struggle with these things. The way I see it you either want to meet someone and you make the time or you don't. How hard can it be?

But then I realise this is a woman we are dealing with so logic is out the window lol. Maybe she is seeing how committed I am, maybe she is wanting to get to know me more through email, maybe she is seeing how far she can push it I really don't know.

All I have to go in is she seems interested, lots of emails, like 2 people that really know each other already or are already a couple or whatever, but that fact that there is no real urgency to meet me again sticks out like a sore thumb.

To my logical mind it means not interested and that's all I can assume but then I have to make that assumption because I don't have that much else to go on.

When I think on it I see a lot of women say why do guys disappear on them when they have been chatting online for a bit? Well I think all guys tend to think in a logical fashion and they don't like to waste time, they will get to a point and think they either want to meet or they don't.

My problem is I don't want to spend weeks/months on end emailing when the potential is she is not interested and just wants to chat to someone.

Can you women see it from a guys perspective? I am now starting to seriously think about other people online now because unfortunately I just cannot take this chance anymore. I really was interested in getting to know more about her fact to face but it doesn't seem like she wants too. I've wasted far too much time on people who are just not that bothered or want to play games.

StaffieTerrier

NWOIHTS wrote: »

I've already explained the leaving at the time I did on the first date and have subsequently suggested another time, which never worked for her - ok fair enough. She has told me what she is busy with and I understand, I will not mention it her but is a valid thing many people have to go through some time.

Fair enough but being a bloke and being logical I struggle with these things. The way I see it you either want to meet someone and you make the time or you don't. How hard can it be?

But then I realise this is a woman we are dealing with so logic is out the window lol. Maybe she is seeing how committed I am, maybe she is wanting to get to know me more through email, maybe she is seeing how far she can push it I really don't know.

All I have to go in is she seems interested, lots of emails, like 2 people that really know each other already or are already a couple or whatever, but that fact that there is no real urgency to meet me again sticks out like a sore thumb.

To my logical mind it means not interested and that's all I can assume but then I have to make that assumption because I don't have that much else to go on.

When I think on it I see a lot of women say why do guys disappear on them when they have been chatting online for a bit? Well I think all guys tend to think in a logical fashion and they don't like to waste time, they will get to a point and think they either want to meet or they don't.

My problem is I don't want to spend weeks/months on end emailing when the potential is she is not interested and just wants to chat to someone.

Can you women see it from a guys perspective? I am now starting to seriously think about other people online now because unfortunately I just cannot take this chance anymore. I really was interested in getting to know more about her fact to face but it doesn't seem like she wants too. I've wasted far too much time on people who are just not that bothered or want to play games.

If you're still keen to get to know her why not just ask her when she's free for a second date. Her answer will tell you if she wants to meet up with you or not. If she's reluctant to suggest a date that would indicate that she's not that interested and it's time for you to move on.

jamiehelsinki

I generally have a few conversations going on at any one time on pof.
You can be messaging a woman for a while, seem to be getting on great then make one comment and they go quiet on you so you think okay i will back off and not come across like a stalker. Two weeks later you get an abusive message about being a time waster and why have you stopped contact.
Women are difficult to figure out especially on pof, if a first date goes well and I'm confident they are enjoying then i ask them there and then if they want to see me again if they say yes all good if they dodge the question I know move on.

Op how old are you? , how old was she?

NWOIHTS

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I generally have a few conversations going on at any one time on pof.
You can be messaging a woman for a while, seem to be getting on great then make one comment and they go quiet on you so you think okay i will back off and not come across like a stalker. Two weeks later you get an abusive message about being a time waster and why have you stopped contact.
Women are difficult to figure out especially on pof, if a first date goes well and I'm confident they are enjoying then i ask them there and then if they want to see me again if they say yes all good if they dodge the question I know move on.

Op how old are you? , how old was she?

Late 30s both of us. Yeah I totally get what you are saying about messaging. I've spoke to girls before for say a week then said well set up a date and they go quite and ignore you! Seems like they just want to chat most of them and I wonder if any of them are really interested in dating.

NWOIHTS

StaffieTerrier wrote: »

If you're still keen to get to know her why not just ask her when she's free for a second date. Her answer will tell you if she wants to meet up with you or not. If she's reluctant to suggest a date that would indicate that she's not that interested and it's time for you to move on.

Nah, decided I'm wasting my time. If she wants to meet then she knows where I am.

justme111

Re you not being interested in "just talking". - that is precisely the point. I would NOT be interested in someone who needs assurances I am interested in them to enjoy talking to me. You seeing it as a time wasted instead of enjoyable activity is very offputting. We can not tell you why she is stalling - may be she was not ready for that kiss you given her and now knows she will have to deal with your physical expectations of she keeps seeing you. It is common issue with internet dating - wimen have to make a decision on man's suitability very soon to avoid being seen as "timewasters" and it is a very unnatural proces.
Of course she may have issues that cause her to stall as well , we do not know that. I pointed to you what I know.

NWOIHTS

justme111 wrote: »

Re you not being interested in "just talking". - that is precisely the point. I would NOT be interested in someone who needs assurances I am interested in them to enjoy talking to me. You seeing it as a time wasted instead of enjoyable activity is very offputting. We can not tell you why she is stalling - may be she was not ready for that kiss you given her and now knows she will have to deal with your physical expectations of she keeps seeing you. It is common issue with internet dating - wimen have to make a decision on man's suitability very soon to avoid being seen as "timewasters" and it is a very unnatural proces.
Of course she may have issues that cause her to stall as well , we do not know that. I pointed to you what I know.

If I wanted a pen friend then I could easily do that. I do need assurances why is that wrong? If someone is not interested then I simply do not want to keep talking to them for ever and a day, I was on a dating site for a reason.

The 2nd bolded bit is exactly what she has not done, she has kept talking to me but has pulled back on 2 dates, which is very confusing and not a nice thing to do if you are genuinely not interested.

justme111

But that why she might have pulled out - precisely not to find herself under pressure to decide re romantic potential.
Yeah if I had a pound every time I have seen on man's profile :"not interested in long chats, if I wanted a penpal I would have asked for one " I may be could buy some designer clothing item:D.
Well that is up to you, if you think your reasoning is right than feel free to stick to it ; I just wanted to show another perspective to you. Natural way of developing a relationship is to meet and communicate without pressure to decide romantic potential , just like you meet coworkers, neighbours, friends and so on. Women often try to include a man into acquaintances circle first and then if something romantic develops than fine trying to imitate the natural way. It is easier to do without meeting in person as men tend to demand either "!!!! or get off the potty" if after a few meets they do not get approval of romantic interest.

NWOIHTS

justme111 wrote: »

But that why she might have pulled out - precisely not to find herself under pressure to decide re romantic potential.
Yeah if I had a pound every time I have seen on man's profile :"not interested in long chats, if I wanted a penpal I would have asked for one " I may be could buy some designer clothing item:D.
Well that is up to you, if you think your reasoning is right than feel free to stick to it ; I just wanted to show another perspective to you. Natural way of developing a relationship is to meet and communicate without pressure to decide romantic potential , just like you meet coworkers, neighbours, friends and so on. Women often try to include a man into acquaintances circle first and then if something romantic develops than fine trying to imitate the natural way. It is easier to do without meeting in person as men tend to demand either "!!!! or get off the potty" if after a few meets they do not get approval of romantic interest.

But then on the other hand women keep saying why doesn't he ask me out or I don't think he is interested - sheesh yous need to make your mind up. You want one thing or another? Sorry it just cracks me up this. You don't ask them out, then you can't be interested, you ask them out then you are pushy jerk!

jamiehelsinki

I'm totally understand what you mean op.

It's a dating site not a penpal site.

It's annoying when you message each other for a while, they seem friendly and genuine and then the penny drops that they never had any intention of meeting up. This happened to me when I was first on there a few times in fact.

I've been on there a few months now and it's been a fast learning curve, I have sort of figured out the type of profiles to message and the ones to avoid like the plague!

I probably miss out on a few possibilities but I avoid a lot of time wasters/attention seekers.