This date - what happened?

[Deleted User]

I think you're too intense. A lot of women would see this as clingy with the potential of becoming controlling behaviour. You need to relax a bit.

FBaby

My opinion? You were not the only one she was talking to/emailing. She met you and thought it went ok, but some little things about you she is not too sure about. She also met the other guy and liked him. She now wants to see how things go with him, but keep you on the side in case it doesn't work with him.

The dating game is tough. This might sound callous, but maybe she has been burnt before, with a guy who did the same to her.

Take it easy and see how it goes, but I would start looking at other potential dates.

[Deleted User]

To be honest, reading this thread, I'd be rather put off. Xmas is a busy time, expecting someone to be free 'that night' and getting offended if she backs off when you react (seeing how you are talking on this thread, I am pretty sure she picked up something of the same reaction from your emails).., I'd be backing away in that situation.

Relax. You're just getting to know someone.

When I did talk to people online (I don't anymore, they seem to be expecting something to move a lot quicker than I would consider safe, I'd rather go without now lol) I'd feel comfortable with emailing, but would talk to two or three, one would often stand out. If they were doing the same (often were), things would often just fizzle out. It just wasn't meant to be. If they pushed to meet for a date immediately, I'd usually end up backing off. I'd be put off people that were 'homing in' on me immediately. I'd rather just gently get to know someone. But that's me and that's why i don't talk to people online anymore lol.

Rowan_moon

There is no point trying to second guess her motives on this. If you like her and got on well why not keep in contact, talk on the phone, see if she would like to meet up again sometime. Let go of expectation at this early stage of the relationship and just see how it goes.

indiepanda

FBaby wrote: »

My opinion? You were not the only one she was talking to/emailing. She met you and thought it went ok, but some little things about you she is not too sure about. She also met the other guy and liked him. She now wants to see how things go with him, but keep you on the side in case it doesn't work with him.

The dating game is tough. This might sound callous, but maybe she has been burnt before, with a guy who did the same to her.

Take it easy and see how it goes, but I would start looking at other potential dates.

Yes, I would guess the above is the case. If she has time to chat she has time to make a date even if it's a week ahead as she is busy with Christmas and New Year plans with friends and family.

Internet dating is difficult because on the one hand it's designed to encourage you to date multiple people at once, but on the other hand most people you meet on line seem to be expecting sex pretty quickly. I am not averse to going out on dates with more than one guy, but sleeping with more than one guy whilst making my mind up about having a relationship with them feels icky.

Both times I have met someone I really liked on line we swapped mobile numbers and I disabled my internet dating account - felt like cheating taking things further whilst still keeping an eye out elsewhere.

duchy

Just because you go on a date doesn't mean you have to sleep with them. Nothing wrong with doing so if you want to but equally most people won't mind waiting if they believe you are picky and don't sleep with every date the first time you meet them.

I'd not be too keen on any bloke who expected me to make myself free for them the same day at a busy time for me (as Christmas is for many for a variety of reasons). Seems to imply I'm just putting my life on hold in case he rings or he expects me to drop previous arrangements for him. Simply ain't gonna happen !

indiepanda

duchy wrote: »

Just because you go on a date doesn't mean you have to sleep with them. Nothing wrong with doing so if you want to but equally most people won't mind waiting if they believe you are picky and don't sleep with every date the first time you meet them.

Oh don't get me wrong, I wouldn't sleep with a guy on a first date or feel obliged to. But I am not inclined to date someone for months and hold out either. As much as anything else, I don't really want to get emotionally involved with someone and then discover there are serious issues or incompatibilities in the bedroom department.

Dird

You've already missed your chance. Since that date all those days ago she's been chatting with this guy with a killer bod so not so enthusiastic to reply to you as quickly (but still replies as you seemed "nice").

NWOIHTS

bearcat16 wrote: »

Lol!

Telling someone "I'll let you know" is meant to be open-ended and vague. To then hassle her about NOT letting you know won't increase your appeal.

I didn't hassle her. If I said to you last week I'll let you know about next week, then by end of "next" week you haven't heard either way what would you do?

Maybe it's great to be vague with people from your side IDK but I'm certainly a man of my word, If I say I'll let you know, then I'll let you know.

NWOIHTS

deannatrois wrote: »

To be honest, reading this thread, I'd be rather put off. Xmas is a busy time, expecting someone to be free 'that night' and getting offended if she backs off when you react (seeing how you are talking on this thread, I am pretty sure she picked up something of the same reaction from your emails).., I'd be backing away in that situation.

Relax. You're just getting to know someone.

When I did talk to people online (I don't anymore, they seem to be expecting something to move a lot quicker than I would consider safe, I'd rather go without now lol) I'd feel comfortable with emailing, but would talk to two or three, one would often stand out. If they were doing the same (often were), things would often just fizzle out. It just wasn't meant to be. If they pushed to meet for a date immediately, I'd usually end up backing off. I'd be put off people that were 'homing in' on me immediately. I'd rather just gently get to know someone. But that's me and that's why i don't talk to people online anymore lol.

But is it not better to meet soon and then you can figure out there and then if they are for you rather than talking for weeks on end? Also if you email lots of times then you'll have nothing to talk about and you will also be building up a false picture of this person as emailing is a lot different from meeting and talking face to face.