This date - what happened?

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Hi

Looking for some friendly insight/advice on this girl I met online. We seemed to hit it off really well, we were emailing about a lot of different things and seemed like a genuine nice girl who told me a lot of things about herself, what things she is doing in her life right now, what she wants etc. We had about 10 emails before a first meet.

So I said let me know when you are free and we can meet up for a quick coffee at a place close to us. We are about 20 miles apart.

Arranged a meet up and after the first 5/10 mins of first meet awkwardness we started talking away and seemed to get on quite well. So it got a bit later in the evening and I said well I got to go now and she seemed a bit shocked when I said that, I picked up on her tone of voice but I never said anything. After we went outside we were talking for a bit and I said we can catch up and arrange to go and do something nice soon.

We then actually had a little kiss then went our ways. I couldn't help thinking about the way she reacted when I said I got to go now.

I never explained I was up really early for work but I'm sure she would have guessed as it was weeknight. On our next emails I asked her what she thought when I said I had to go, did she think I was trying to end the meet early.

She said yeah was take aback a bit so I told her I had to get ready for work and was up early and go to bed early. So then we emailed a good bit more and I had mentioned about her letting me know when she was available again and we could arrange something.

Her work rota was variable and quite short notice hence me asking this more than anything. She said would let me know next week.

So it got to near the end of "next week" from when we had last meet and I was wondering why she hadn't said anything. So I texted and said I'm free this night wonder if you would like to meet?

She texted back said sorry was busy with a couple of things and couldn't make it. I then asked so I just wondered as you hadn't got back to me as you said you would. She then said really sorry I forgot but was caught up with some things, which did sound genuine, however did have the time to email me every 2nd night.

I said ok I didn't realise you were that caught up. and left it at that. The emails as far as I know are continuing, I haven't checked last day or two and don't really want to as it was kind of annoying me so decided to relieve myself of it for a while.

It's almost like ok I plain forgot, which I find kind of strange, but now that you've reminded me I'll act like you are pestering me or something. You don't put yourself out there on a dating site, email someone about 30 times with big long emails etc. and then plain forget about them do you?

It's certainly not something I would forget about, would you? I would see the point if it was a family emergency or something. However I do not know, maybe it was and she never mentioned.

Just find it strange really.

Any thoughts?
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  • Barny1979
    Barny1979 Posts: 7,921 Forumite
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    It's Christmas, she probably has a lot on, however she may see you aloof and then intense, so thinks she may not need the hassle. Let the dust settle, send her a message wishing her a Happy Christmas and see how things are in the New Year.
  • NWOIHTS
    NWOIHTS Posts: 185 Forumite
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    Barny1979 wrote: »
    It's Christmas, she probably has a lot on, however she may see you aloof and then intense, so thinks she may not need the hassle. Let the dust settle, send her a message wishing her a Happy Christmas and see how things are in the New Year.

    That's what I was thinking let it go over the xmas period and see how the land lies in the NY.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
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    It's Christmas, busy time for anybody .... but you do (to me) seem to be coming over as a bit "pushy" for answers from her.
    e.g. "I then asked so I just wondered as you hadn't got back to me as you said you would."

    That'd make me think "bl00dy hell, having to explain myself!!!!"
  • PeacefulWaters
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    From my 14 month experience of online dating, she's either into you, on the fence or not into you.

    The kiss, if more than a peck on the lips, is positive. Otherwise she's on the fence.

    When she next messages don't reply instantly. When you do reply, let her know you'd like to meet up again and suggest three times all that are more than a couple of days in the future. Ask her which suits her best or to suggest an alternative.

    If you don't get a positive response let her go. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.
  • SuzieSue
    SuzieSue Posts: 4,098 Forumite
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    I would consider it a lucky escape. If she is playing silly games at this stage of the relationship, what will she be like later on.

    How old are you both as she seems very immature?

    Why did you meet on a night where you had work in the morning? At least learn from this and next time meet when you don't have work the next day.
  • Barny1979
    Barny1979 Posts: 7,921 Forumite
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    SuzieSue wrote: »
    I would consider it a lucky escape. If she is playing silly games at this stage of the relationship, what will she be like later on.

    How old are you both as she seems very immature?

    Why did you meet on a night where you had work in the morning? At least learn from this and next time meet when you don't have work the next day.

    I think the OP was naive to assume that he was leaving the date early as he had work the next day. It would have been common sense to explain why the date was being cut short, otherwise the inference is that the date didn't go well.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    NWOIHTS wrote: »
    So it got a bit later in the evening and I said well I got to go now and she seemed a bit shocked when I said that, I picked up on her tone of voice but I never said anything.

    I never explained I was up really early for work but I'm sure she would have guessed as it was weeknight. On our next emails I asked her what she thought when I said I had to go, did she think I was trying to end the meet early.

    She said yeah was take aback a bit

    Why on earth didn't you just say at the time?

    In her place, I might have thought that either you weren't interested in me or you were playing psychological games by leaving without an explanation.
  • SuzieSue
    SuzieSue Posts: 4,098 Forumite
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    Barny1979 wrote: »
    I think the OP was naive to assume that he was leaving the date early as he had work the next day. It would have been common sense to explain why the date was being cut short, otherwise the inference is that the date didn't go well.

    Fair enough, he made a mistake but he has since explained why he left early and has gone out of his way to make up for the mistake by texting her and inviting her on another date. She seems very unforgiving. I know people who are unforgiving and I wouldn't wan to be in a relationship with them, so I still think the OP has had a lucky escape.
  • getmore4less
    getmore4less Posts: 46,882 Forumite
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    Barny1979 wrote: »
    I think the OP was naive to assume that he was leaving the date early as he had work the next day. It would have been common sense to explain why the date was being cut short, otherwise the inference is that the date didn't go well.

    You could mention it when arranging a convenient date/time, midweek is OK but I do get up early...

    it was only going to be a quick coffee anyway...


    before doing the end the date thing it would have been a good idea to open with when should we meet again stuff no leaving that till outside.
  • NWOIHTS
    NWOIHTS Posts: 185 Forumite
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    edited 25 December 2016 at 2:25PM
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    It's Christmas, busy time for anybody .... but you do (to me) seem to be coming over as a bit "pushy" for answers from her.
    e.g. "I then asked so I just wondered as you hadn't got back to me as you said you would."

    That'd make me think "bl00dy hell, having to explain myself!!!!"

    Yeah but if you say you'll tell someone then forget, what's the point, should I just forget to turn up on a date and that's ok and if my date says why did you not turn up I'll then think "oh do I really have to explain myself" you really are pushy?

    Sorry I never turned up for work but do I really have to explain myself or sorry I forgot to dial 999 but do I really have to explain myself. Those are more extreme examples but you get the point. If I see a girl on a dating site, I talk to her, we get on, she and me both seem interested then you just forgot to let me know when you were next available when YOU said you would then is that not a red flag too? Would you tolerate it?

    I mean seriously do we not give a f%k about anything anymore? I don't have a crystal ball I don't know how busy someone is, if they can still email long emails but forget to tell me when they are free for a few hours that's a bit strange. If you really want to see someone you will.

    I'll remember this the next time I hear a girl saying she can't find any guys who seem to want to date them or any good guys (shakes head in disbelief)
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