All the lonely people....

monnagran

We probably all want what we don't have. For every lonely person, trying to get through the day as best they can, there is someone dead on their feet, exhausted, stressed, trying to make sure that everyone around them is fed, watered and having a good time and wishing like mad that everyone would shut up, go home, go to bed and leave them alone.



The hardest thing is being in the middle of a happy, noisy, celebrating crowd and trying not to spoil everyone's fun because your own heart is breaking.

I think that I have experienced every sort of Christmas possible including one Christmas Eve spent in an air raid shelter when a mouse nibbled though my stocking and through the tiny bar of chocolate that my mum had queued for over an hour to get for me.

I've come to the conclusion that as long as there is one short time when Christmas happens for me personally, I can't ask for anything more.
My time is on Christmas Eve when I retreat to my room and listen to the Nine Lessons and Carols from Kings College.
Give me that hour and a half and I can face whatever comes next..

It's not all bad. It's not always good. Sometimes it's beyond wonderful. It's just life.

x

just_trying

Caterina, if your not going to the hotel now, just relax and enjoy time just with your mum and husband. You sound a lot more positive now. Maybe on your last night you could take your husband somewhere nice, doesn't need to cost much. You've got plans to have a great day with your son on your return, great.

Glad you're feeling better, we all have our downers. Sure you can think of something to do, which you will both enjoy.

[Deleted User]

monnagran wrote: »

My time is on Christmas Eve when I retreat to my room and listen to the Nine Lessons and Carols from Kings College.

I normally am making sausage rolls and mince pies when the service from Kings is on, and this year for the first time in years I missed it,

I also missed going to Midnight Mass and taking communion this year. But I had a fantastic reason my eldest DGS got married on Christmas Eve and in the evening I was out at a family dinner in London,by the time we got home to Kent it was freezing cold and both my son-in-law and I were coughing and spluttering from the cold bug thats been going around.

We decided that God knew how we were and to make us feel colder and possibly iller would be more than foolish.So we sat and watched the carols on TV and drank a toast to all the folk we have lost this year and to the future.
I agree though that a lot of the time the expectations rarely live up to the mark.

My youngest DD lost her dog just over a week ago and in dreadful circumstances, which has made it a sad Christmas for her and her OH and I have been trying to jolly things along a bit.Tonight for the first time I actually saw her smile at her boys playing a silly game at the family party.

Tomorrow we are hoping to go down to the beach in Herne Bay for a long bracing walk to blow the cobwebs away.
Life will get back to normal hopefully for us all and fingers crossed the New Year will be a bit better than this year has been (I sadly lost my beloved brother this year and miss him dreadfully still)

I don't think anyone has a perfect family we all have good bits ,sad bits and bits in between,all part of lifes rich pattern.

I do hope for all the sad and lonely folk who have had a tough time this Christmas for whatever reason that things will as the song says 'Only get better' But never feel you are alone as there are thousands who are probably in the same situation.Caterina was very brave to say how she was feeling so sad and unhappy through circumstances and to share with other people on here couldn't have been easy

My good wishes to you all



JackieO xxx

candygirl

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

I have a son in law who is socially awkward, all I can do is keep loving him for making my DD happy.

Exactly the same situation here too :eek:

candygirl

candygirl wrote: »

Exactly the same situation here too :eek:

Ps JACKIEO, I was gutted to read about Bowie, what a shame

moneyistooshorttomention

Hope you're feeling better now Caterina.

Personally, I think our society as a whole invests way too much in the concept of Christmas as a "special time". It's a couple of days out of the year and why regard it any differently just because it's 25 December rather than, say, 25 April?

It's nice to see some general festive midwinter festival stuff - of the non-Christmas variety. So, for instance, watching one of those midwinter lantern parades that have become the "thing" in the last few years. That sort of feels like a return to "older ways" of Lightening the Midwinter Darkness and I like that concept.

I don't bother with Christmas personally. I send and receive cards and I'll buy a present for anyone that I think is likely to buy me one. I'd basically rather forget about the idea of giving/receiving presents - as it's so hard to find (or be found) something that is just right for the person concerned. Having said that - one of my new local friends pleased me with this years present - a bee hotel (something I wanted - but hadn't dared treat myself to) and the value of that present is it shows she has come to realise what I'm like/what matters to me (so that's the "real" present). When you're a bit unconventional then it helps to find you're accepted anyway - even if you're not agreed with sometimes.:rotfl:

So - I've been telling myself the plus sides of an enforced quiet few days. So - at least I've been in my own home, in the warm, plenty to eat, spring round the corner (and planning well in hand for sorting my garden out a bit more at last) and I could get on in peace with finalising every last detail of how my new kitchen will be that I'm going to have next year. So that roof/food/warmth and knowing I can just "flick the switch" any time I want a bit more warmth (without panicking at the thought of costing more on my fuel bill) is safely mine and that's a positive and more than millions of other people have.

ScarletRibbons

Reading through all these posts, I was struck by the number of people who mentioned what you might call the "TV ad" Christmas - a big beautifully dressed table loaded with food, surrounded by paper hatted families, smiling, and raising glasses.
It's easy to think there's something wrong with you and your family, if you don't have a Christmas like that, yet most people I know don't, for various reasons.

Like many others, we have had grim Christmases, and in my working life I nearly always worked part of Christmas Day. Yet we've had good Christmases too. I think someone said in an earlier post, expectations can be too high, and when something happens to "spoil" the fairytale day, there can be recriminations and family rows that rumble on for years.

Getting together with people you maybe haven't seen for months can be wonderful, or a total disaster, especially when tongues are loosened with one Christmas drink too many, or the cook is tearing her hair out in a steam filled kitchen because something has boiled dry, or burned.

What's the answer - it's different for all of us, but I still think that too high expectations are the main problem.

VJsmum

My MIL, who was surrounded by family over the Christmas period, just couldn't get her mind away from the fact that she will return to her own home tomorrow, where she lives alone. She had one son, two DiLs (sadly my BiL died a good few years ago) and four of her six grandchildren with her. But all she kept saying was "it is lovely to be with everyone but soon I will have to go back and be on my own again":mad:

She will be there from tomorrow until Friday when she is coming to us for the New Year. And whilst at home for two days she will almost definitely see her daughter and another granddaughter. It is very maddening, particularly when you know so many are not as fortunate as her, in terms of company.

Sun_Addict

One of my best Christmas Day's ever was 4 years ago shortly before my OH became ill. We took the dog to the nearest seaside resort for the day, walked on the beach and had a picnic in the car, just the three of us. The roads were empty and we were there and back in no time. Such a simple day but it will stay as a happy memory forever.

Caterina

Good morning,

Sorry to hear about your accidents, SunAddict and Lynplatinum! Also, JackieO I never had a chance before to say how sorry I was to read about poor Bowie!

So many are mentioning the TV image of Christmas, it is really a damaging image to carry because of the horrendously unrealistic expectations that it creates, but this is how media works. A bit like the mags, until yesterday they were plying us with rich plush food recipes and adverts, from tomorrow they will start publishing The Only Diet You Will Ever Need, we just can't win with the media, better ignore it.

I have had some genuinely lovely Christmases, always with DH and the twins, very un-commercial, low key, we had our own traditions and it was lovely while it lasted. Then DD took up with a really nasty guy and created some very uncomfortable situations which brought chaos and pain to our family. Two out of the last four Christmases. Including this one, she estranged herself from our family.

The DD situation was, in fact, the reason why DH and I decided to spend a super-low-key Christmas abroad this year, with my mother. Well, in a way, you know how they say, be careful what you wish for, I don't think it could have been any lower-key!

Update: DH weak and sleepy but no much fever, thankfully he seems to be on the mend. I have started coughing and spluttering, it could go any way now, just a bit of cough (I hope) or the dreaded lurgy.

The hotel at the seaside is completely out of the question now, I have asked for a partial refund and would be grateful for antything, if we can get a med cert for DH we should be able to submit it to the travel insurance once home.

Thank you all for sharing your Christmas stories, happy and sad, it unites us as the family of OS friends that we are.

Incidentally, did you notice, this thread was graced by the local roaming troll, what an honour LOL.