All the lonely people....

maryb

Caterina, I hope you feel better now. And caring for the sick is a valid reason to miss going to Mass. I wish Christmas didn't have to be so hard for so many people. Look forward to your break when DH is better

Caterina

Hello again dear friends.

Poppy you must be a very strong person, I really admire your stance!

EenyMeeny I understand, sometimes it is difficult to communicate exactly what we mean on a short post. No offence whatsoever taken.

Andypandyboy I take on board what you said. As per my response above to EenyMeeny, sometimes it's difficult to explain a lot of stuff without writing pages and pages, and there is a lot of history behind my post. But your words have made me reflect, in the cold light of day, and I thank you for that. And, yeh, I am a bit unusual that way, food wise.

LW Sorry about your rough day, I hope that the doggy visitor will cheer you up (((hugs))) xx. You don't come across as socially inept to me BTW, I read your posts and they are often filled with humour and wisdom.

Meg72 ditto!

Katkin thank you, tomorrow is the hotel day but it does not look likely, see below.

Hester, fantastic attitude, he is very lucky to have such a great MiL!

MaryB thank you. DH and I have prayed a lot in the quiet of our bedroom and we know we are heard.

Right, news, no news really. DH still coughing and spluttering, fever again in the night, but feels a bit better today, he ate a bit more and is not looking quite so much as a wet rag. Still very weak though. Not able to travel tomorrow. Hey ho. Serves me right for booking a non refundable room. Will see if he can get to a doctor before we leave, to give him a certificate, then we might be able to reclaim some money from the insurance, I hope.

My mother cannot do enough for us, really doing all she can and some to help, in spite of remaining her quite distant self. She does all the practical things magnificently and I see her love through her gestures. I tried to talk with her today about this lack of tenderness that I feel in her but she just doesn't get it and I moved the conversation on because it wasn't going anywhere. I would love hugs and comfort but I am learning to see her with different eyes and that's fine. I am grateful for her and I love her, learning to love her just the way she is. Little Christmas miracle.

My sister is staying away and I really cannot blame her, I would do the same to protect myself from the flu!

I have been coughing a bit and so hope not to get ill, but que sera sera at this point.

Thank you all again for such an outpouring of support, wise words and kindness! I am now well out of that initial dark hole of despair and I owe a lot of my feeling better to you all.

Andypandyboy

Thank you for taking my words in the way they were meant, and for reflecting on them. It is that time of year I suspect!

Re your mother and her lack of touchy feely and how that gets to you. I think we have a similar situation in our family, one of my sons is very different to the others in that he is not very talkative, it is often like getting blood from a stone. He is pleasant and chatty when he has something to say, but doesn't indulge in idle chit chat or in depth conversation. That is just who he is, and we accept that, but one of his brothers hates that, he feels excluded and tries to push him into chatting and it really upsets him when it doesn't work. Recently, we had a real heart to heart about it and he has finally come to see that is a difference that should be accepted and worked around. Now, when he is home from University they socalise by watching football, going to the cinema etc, not by going out for a meal and conversing. They are spending quality time together but without the pressure.

I am so glad you have come to see your mum in a similar way. Her behaviours will be ingrained by now, and she is of a different generation brought up to cope and carry on without showing emotion. As you say, you can see she is showing love by her actions, which really do speak louder than words, especially in times of trouble or illness.

I hope your husband recovers soon, that you don't catch it! and that you can then meet up with your son and have another "Christmas" together.

Caterina

Thank you so much Andypandyboy, funny you should say something about my DS and an alternative Christmas, we talked on the phone today, he didn't have too bad a time after all yesterday and we decided to have a grand outing together on our return!

Even with illness and all, life feels a lot better today.

Retired_at_55

Edited post - thanks so much appreciated.

Sun_Addict

Caterina I've just read through your post and am sending hugs and lots of empathy your way. I too have had a rubbish Christmas. At the end of November my OH ran me over with his mobility scooter and broke my ankle very badly resulting in surgery (you couldn't make it up!). I've been off my feet for 4 weeks now and so fed up. He is disabled due to brain tumour 3 years ago. My DD still lives at home but is very hostile and spent most of yesterday in her room. Despite having a broken ankle I've had to cook, clean, go to work and generally keep the house running. No one has been willing to help.

We are bombarded with images of big family gatherings, everyone round a lovely decorated table having fun when in reality this is often not the case.

I hope your DH wil, be recovered soon and I'm pleased to read that you are feeling more optimistic now xx

Lynplatinum

Sorry am late to this thread but reading through it strikes me that a lot of the misery on here has been caused by 'the illusion of a perfect Christmas'. All promoted by commercialism - the magasines and adverts and cookery shows- all designed to part us from our hard earned cash. :mad:

I am incredibly fortunate, blessed even. My son and his partner, their 10 month old baby, and their two large dogs were made homeless by a heartless landlord on 5th December. :eek:I took the dogs to mine, while they went to stay with friends. then the dogs pulled me over while on a walk (chasing a cat!!) and i broke my wrist. :eek:I live in a very small house, on a tiny pension (having retired early) and the small profit from a rented property (which my tenant left on 10th December:eek:). So all 6 of us are crowded into a tiny house meant for 1 and the occasional short term guest :eek: with very little money (as my son's work has also stopped) :eek:.

But we are all bumbling along - and have given each other gifts of less then £15 which are pracitcal/edible and have been able (thank you L!dil) to have a Christmas dinner - which will make at least 5 meals for our family and a few treats. We have had a lovely Christmas.

Am so grateful that we share the same values - a lot of their pantry ingredients and mine will make more meals and we are careful with electric etc.

If I had not had my family here I was preparing to work for a homeless charity on Christmas day. So I could be useful in the world and to remind myself that I was more fortunate.

We are all led into the illusion that Christmas has to be some M&S version of life, which is not real. Everyone has burdens to bear, illness at Christmas and family being not as in Disney films is also hard but I would urge folk to count their blessings everyday - waking up in your own bed being number one! It is v hard on dark days to do this - so I write mine down in a little book to remind me when sad times arrive.
Let celebrate the good folks!
PS realise I sound a tad sanctimonious but I dont mean it that way - just trying to be positive

Mr_Singleton

FreeBear wrote: »

I either starve and have the heating on, or suffer the cold and have enough money for food.

Spent £45 on a bottle of wine today..... there but for the grace of God go I.

Hard_Up_Hester

Lovely post Lynn, yes I think people's expectations are raised by what we ae told Christmas 'should' be like.

I've had some dreadful Christmas's, many spent alone in a freezing bedsit, some where I, as the main breadwinner and chief cook and bottle washer, worked up until 6pm Christmas eve, got home at 10, started cooking Christmas dinner for 15, served it up at midday on Christmas day and went to bed without eating any of it, totally exhausted and with my MIL's recriminations ringing in my ears.

My expectations for this year were lots of crochet in front of the TV, my L&M hates Christmas and TV with a passion and spends all his time glued to his pc.

I got exactly what I expected, I cannot force my L&M to be sociable or to love Christmas, it is what it is, I just have to make the best of it, lol.

I spent a couple of hours with my DGC on Christmas day, since then I have spoken to no-one and that is perfectly fine.

karcher

Caterina wrote: »

Thank you so much Andypandyboy, funny you should say something about my DS and an alternative Christmas, we talked on the phone today, he didn't have too bad a time after all yesterday and we decided to have a grand outing together on our return!

Even with illness and all, life feels a lot better today.

Is travel to the seaside hotel for your 4 day break with hubby really out of the question? It would be a shame to miss out and he can convalesce in luxury once there. I really think you should go.