Husband has been texting another woman.

Pop_Up_Pirate

feeling_sad wrote: »

Yes, there is lots I should have included in the initial post but I'm not a poster and I have learned that in future to include all the specifics.

I didn't include it because it came to light after I found out about my hubby. I don't believe she sent them to him as that is what they have both told me so I felt it was irrelevant in my case. This is when the woman asked me not to tell he boyfriend as I told her it really wasn't on doing this to married men, and when she has a boyfriend herself! Poor guy. But I think she wants to make a go of it with him and I hope that is the case.

Thank you, I hope we can move forward together too as I really do love him with all of my heart.

I should have read all the thread before replying.

I've just read this and now don't believe a word you've said.

duchy

The bottom line is he was flattered and she is a woman with self esteem issues who despite having a relationship herself needs to know other men desire her too. They are both weak and at fault. He however owes you loyalty.

I like David's philosophy "if you couldn't say it in front of your partner then you don't say it"

gabriel1980

It doesn't sound like a friendship to me at all. The snapchat confirmed it for me. Why would they be snapchatting if not to show each other naughty bits. The great thing is that snapchat leaves no evidence unless you screenshot it. This is obviously an online affair.

fierystormcloud

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Its odd that people think this is an innocent friendship. Since when do people hide friends from their partners?

OP I'm with you. I'd be furious if I found out my husband was texting another women I never knew about.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It doesn't sound like 'just' a friendship to me. Why keep it secret? Why talk about his marriage to another woman other than his wife?

It is, imho, a small betrayal. However, hopefully he has now come to his senses and they can both learn from the experience and move on (assuming they both want to).

Relate seems like a very good idea.

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

'I didn't tell you because I knew you'd overreact' is blaming the innocent party and the first line of defence rolled out when someone has been caught out.

All of this ^ :T

There is no reason on earth for anyone to disclose a 'friend' from their spouse/partner. It only means one thing if your husband is not telling you about another women he has a 'friendship' with; something is going on.

Also, in most cases, you will find any man who has a woman as a 'friend' that he has conveniently 'forgot,' to mention to his wife, would go up the wall if his wife was doing the same; having sneaky clandestine meetings with another man who she said was just a friend, when she was found out.

This behaviour usually means they are having an affair - or are about to have one.

balletshoes

gabriel1980 wrote: »

It doesn't sound like a friendship to me at all. The snapchat confirmed it for me. Why would they be snapchatting if not to show each other naughty bits. The great thing is that snapchat leaves no evidence unless you screenshot it. This is obviously an online affair.

she's 22, and sounds (from the OP's description of her) a young 22 - 22-year olds use snapchat all the time with their friends, and not to send naughty pics to each other.

NeilCr

There are a few different issues here

My best friend is 15 years younger than me and drop dead gorgeous. I fancy her, every bloke who meets her fancies her. My OH is fully aware that I fancy her -she thinks I'd be mad if I didn't. But that's it -I am in a happy relationship - as is she. We are friends with her and her partner. I've known her for years and, yep I call her beautiful, gorgeous, lovely lady. She has a nickname for me - these are things that come with getting to know each other

I am sure that your husband does fancy her OP. It's just something that, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to admit to you. You can't control how you feel about someone - what you can do is to do something about how you act/what you do with those feelings.

Before my current relationship I was in a marriage that was not great. It wasn't bad either - we were just drifting along. I found it easier to talk about the problems to my best friend. Not because I hoped it would spark anything between us - but, because, she is actually very wise and could provide a dispassionate view (from a female perspective too) on the situation. I do completely realise that you should talk to the other person involved but, sometimes, you don't want to have the whole confrontation thing - and talking about it with someone neutral can clear your head and help you find solutions

My current partner is very direct and speaks her mind which I find healthy. With her I would voice my concerns. I am much more confident with her

The worse thing about this, from my point of view is the secrecy. I do wonder whether this hinges, a bit, anyway, on the previous incident that you have made passing reference to. I do have to say that I find it a bit surprising that this woman happily told you all that your husband told her about your marriage. None of my female friends would have done this - they would have pointed you straight back in the direction of your husband - who, in the end, as others have said, would appear to be the guilty party

Whether or not she has been sending naked pictures of herself to men she certainly hasn't done anything wrong with your husband - she seems to have been a friend - and a sounding board - to him.

The other thing I'd say is that you really did go town after you found the text messages (to be clear I am not saying you are wrong). Again, my female friends and, indeed, my partner would have been on to me as soon as they'd seen the messages

So, again, there does seem to be something about the previous incident

In the end I agree with others about Relate - especially as your husband wants to work on your marriage

Pollycat

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

Men say all kinds of things about their marriages to young ladies and often don;t mean a word of it.
He might have outlined all these "marriage problems" to this girl but it doesn;t mean he actually believes any of it.

If either person in a marriage feels the need to keep a 'Friend' secret then they are NOT friends in the true sense of the word and are likely acting inappropriately or in a manner they know will upset their spouse.

This is no different to a full blown affair. It was sneaky and he knows it.

Having said all that, it would appear that he was using the situation as a massive Ego boost and he realises his marriage is more important.

Your best course of action here would be to tell him through counselling that having this kind of friendship is not acceptable then move on from it, concentrating on why you love him and what you can do to show that.

I know a lot of posters on here will disagree with me but I think texting/sexting is very different from a full blown affair.

balletshoes

Pollycat wrote: »

I know a lot of posters on here will disagree with me but I think texting/sexting is very different from a full blown affair.

the OP's situation doesn't even involve sexting does it? sexting is certainly, for me, a step further across the line than texting is.

Pollycat

balletshoes wrote: »

the OP's situation doesn't even involve sexting does it? sexting is certainly, for me, a step further across the line than texting is.

No, as far as I can see, it doesn't involve sexting.

It was the OP who introduced sexting into the thread when she enlarged on this woman's involvement with someone else.

And yes, it is about degrees.
Texting behind your partner's back is nowhere near as bad as sexting.
And I don't think sexting is as bad as having any kind of physical sex with someone you are not married to without your partner's knowledge.

Scrimps

ripplyuk wrote: »

It says that this also happened previously a few years ago. So it's the second time he has done this. What happened afterwards that time OP?

I missed this, but youre right, its in the original post.

OP, if I were in your position, I think I would still pursue relate and work at the marraige. However, that is still only a decision that you can make

However, I would also definitely work on my own life, I would have my own bit of money tucked away and my own social circle maintained so if it ever happened again I could confidently walk away without a backward glance (apart from the kids issue) knowing I gave it my best shot and I have what I need to move on: money and support

I think its a good idea even if there arnt any red flags in the relationship.