Family cant afford Christmas

seven-day-weekend

Pollycat wrote: »

I was one of the posters who said that:


And actually it did help me "in the moment".

It taught me that things were't always fair and that all people weren't equal.

It fired me to learn how to make my own clothes so that at least I could have some new clothes.
It taught me to budget what money I was given for birthdays and Christmas.
It taught me that I needed to work to aquire money. I was a paper girl, then a Saturday girl in a department store.

All this 'oh, we don't have sports days because the kids who can't run fast or jump high will be disappointed' is simply not preparing them for the adult world.

Yes, they do need to learn that life is not fair, and how to deal with that fact, no matter if it is a hard lesson.

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm sure it does happen sometimes, which is great. However, it may not balance out with the negative effect it might have more often, unfortunately.

I've got brain freeze here. What negative effect are you talking about?

Cloudydaze

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

And also to the people who said that poverty never did them any harm years or decades on. Agreed but this is an adult perspective to a children situation. It doesn't help them in the moment and the same could be said about a lot of factors of life.

As a child you have very little perspective. I grew up thinking that my family were quite poor. We 'only' had camping holidays in Italy or coastal cottages in Cornwall. My friends were jetting off on planes to places I had never heard of. It's only from the adult perspective that I can see how lucky I actually was.

I imagine every child, rich or poor says 'it's not fair' about some aspect of their lives.

It goes without saying that there are children in this country who are genuinely suffering and having appalling childhoods thanks to their !!!!less parents. These families are more often than not poor but not all poor are !!!!less and uncaring.

Being poor doesn't mean a child is destined for a crappy childhood anymore than money guarantees a happy one.

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

I have no reason to believe that treating children kindly even if they have crap parents produces any kind of negative effect. I don't think it does, at all.

I hope that everybody treats everybody else kindly - but that doesn't necessarily run to buying their children presents!

missbiggles1

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I've got brain freeze here. What negative effect are you talking about?

Rather than learning that there are some kind adults who care, kids may just pick up that there's always some mug who'll turn up and give you stuff if you don't provide for yourself and your family.

mumps

Cloudydaze wrote: »

As a child you have very little perspective. I grew up thinking that my family were quite poor. We 'only' had camping holidays in Italy or coastal cottages in Cornwall. My friends were jetting off on planes to places I had never heard of. It's only from the adult perspective that I can see how lucky I actually was.

I imagine every child, rich or poor says 'it's not fair' about some aspect of their lives.

It goes without saying that there are children in this country who are genuinely suffering and having appalling childhoods thanks to their !!!!less parents. These families are more often than not poor but not all poor are !!!!less and uncaring.

Being poor doesn't mean a child is destined for a crappy childhood anymore than money guarantees a happy one.

I think this is true, the children in the OP the children have parents who don't care, they don't prioritise the children, that isn't the same as someone only getting a £20 present when their best friend gets £100 present. I don't think people are talking about the same thing really, I've had years when I didn't get much as a child but I was always fed, always had clean clothes, knew my parents cared and got something even if it wasn't alot. Contrast that with the family of 12 kids I knew where the kids would stand and watch dad eating steak and they got a few chips or a sugar sandwich (I never even felt tempted to try a sugar sandwich!). I can remember a family where money was tight, when their dad got home from work he got some packets of sugar cubes out of his pocket, he had been at a motorway service station and picked them up, to his kids they were what they got because the parents couldn't afford sweets. They were thrilled and I think it was nice because dad did his best, might not be the same as a bag of sweets but he cared. The kids who don't even get a hot meal on Christmas day are in a different league.

I don't think that poverty and neglect teaches a child anything positive. I child in poverty who is neglected by parents might learn something very positive from the input of a caring adult, and that doesn't just mean handing over a present it can also mean taking an interest, caring if the child is upset or inviting them round so they can see there is another way.

missbiggles1

mumps wrote: »

I think this is true, the children in the OP the children have parents who don't care, they don't prioritise the children, that isn't the same as someone only getting a £20 present when their best friend gets £100 present. I don't think people are talking about the same thing really, I've had years when I didn't get much as a child but I was always fed, always had clean clothes, knew my parents cared and got something even if it wasn't alot. Contrast that with the family of 12 kids I knew where the kids would stand and watch dad eating steak and they got a few chips or a sugar sandwich (I never even felt tempted to try a sugar sandwich!). I can remember a family where money was tight, when their dad got home from work he got some packets of sugar cubes out of his pocket, he had been at a motorway service station and picked them up, to his kids they were what they got because the parents couldn't afford sweets. They were thrilled and I think it was nice because dad did his best, might not be the same as a bag of sweets but he cared. The kids who don't even get a hot meal on Christmas day are in a different league.

I don't think that poverty and neglect teaches a child anything positive. I child in poverty who is neglected by parents might learn something very positive from the input of a caring adult, and that doesn't just mean handing over a present it can also mean taking an interest, caring if the child is upset or inviting them round so they can see there is another way.

It would be a brave adult these days who invited a stranger's child into their house!:(

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Rather than learning that there are some kind adults who care, kids may just pick up that there's always some mug who'll turn up and give you stuff if you don't provide for yourself and your family.

Yes I agree with that too. Some will learn the 'right' lesson though.

mumps

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It would be a brave adult these days who invited a stranger's child into their house!:(

I was thinking of kids you know from school, my kids always seemed to pair up with the fostered kid, the neglected kids, the lame duck and we would end up with kids going on trips with us, having meals with us. When one of my kids was 8 or 9 they were on a fostered child's care plan as they were considered an important support at school. It meant the child got a taxi to school and back home every day when foster mother moved. She was a lovely little girl but due to issues in her past had anger management issues and my little angel (lol a total monster at times) had the knack of calming her down. I suppose it is no surprise that out of the 4 of them 3 are in caring professions, nursing and education both specialising in the "difficult" child.

I wouldn't advocate random adults just inviting kids in but there are other ways to offer support. I know someone from a rough background who reckons he didn't end up in gangs and probably prison because of a PE teacher who spotted his potential and helped and supported him and he represented GB in the Olympics. Even running something like Brownies or Cubs can make a real difference (I did help run a Cub pack and I think people who do this longterm are really unsung heroes, I think I managed 3 or 4 years but I know people who have been doing it for 20 years plus.)

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes I agree with that too. Some will learn the 'right' lesson though.

Well that is certainly the hope, even if they aren't a 100% success you can still make a difference.