Family cant afford Christmas

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

Was that a serious question? :rotfl:

If the parents know they can just tap up a friend who will lend them £500 to 'afford presents/food etc' then they have zero incentive to change their habits.

Why do you think that specifically will stop them becoming financially savvy? Why that one act of kindness and not all the other things preventing it?

Pollycat

mumps wrote: »

If you are the child maybe knowing that someone was willing to give you the sticking plaster helps? The family of 12 I referred to never changed, the dad was always workshy, always took the lions share of the benefits for himself, his wife was timid and not too bright. Her kids had hardly anything, were repeatedly punished at school for not having the right uniform, banned from PE for not having the right kit, always hungry, always dirty. One decent Christmas might have been amazing for them even if it was just a sticking plaster.

Indeed.
That's why - 3 days ago - I said I would do this:

Pollycat wrote: »

Did they ask for £500 or is that the amount your wife is thinking about lending them?

I wouldn't lend them anything, you would be funding their smoking/drinking habits.

If they haven't asked for a specific amount, I might ask them if they would like me to buy them a turkey big enough to feed 2 adults and 3 kids and the trimmings.
I'd also buy the kids some chocolates.

But if they've asked for £500, they can go whistle.

I appear to be repeating myself. :cool:

If people just keep buying the kids stuff for Christmas or bunging the parents £500, the parents will just carry on being f e c kless.
It's just treating the symptom instead of the problem.

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

Why do you think that specifically will stop them becoming financially savvy? Why that one act of kindness and not all the other things preventing it?

Because they will have no incentive to change.

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

Because they will have no incentive to change.

Have you ever known any families like this? Ever met any of the children from them?

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

Have you ever known any families like this? Ever met any of the children from them?

Why?
Have you?

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

Why?
Have you?

Yes, very well.

If only it were as simple as not being able to give their kids a nice Christmas providing motivation to get their act together! I do wish you were right, but it runs much deeper and one of the ways to break the cycle is for the children to see a different example before they get into the same depressing cycle themselves. Uncomplicated kindness from outsiders can literally be a lifesaver.

seven-day-weekend

I agree that showing the children a different way is probably the only way to break the cycle.

I once knew a young woman, she was 18, the same as me at the time, and she had a young child and was in an abusive marriage. My mum used to buy things for the little girl and even give clothes for the young woman, even though she couldn't do anything about the abuse or the poverty. I remember her giving her a winter coat one year, because she hadn't got a warm coat

I have wondered over the years what happened to her, and her daughter. I hope at least one of them was able to beat the cycle.

mumps

Pollycat wrote: »

Indeed.
That's why - 3 days ago - I said I would do this:

I appear to be repeating myself. :cool:

I was replying to SDW, that was why I quoted her.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree that showing the children a different way is probably the only way to break the cycle.

I once knew a young woman, she was 18, the same as me at the time, and she had a young child and was in an abusive marriage. My mum used to buy things for the little girl and even give clothes for the young woman, even though she couldn't do anything about the abuse or the poverty. I remember her giving her a winter coat one year, because she hadn't got a warm coat

I have wondered over the years what happened to her, and her daughter. I hope at least one of them was able to beat the cycle.

I can say I think it does work sometimes. My DD had a friend at primary school, she was a lovely girl but we did need to regularly use lice treatments on my daughter when they had been together :eek::eek: Her mother was a nice person but she had problems, I don't know if it was learning difficulties or something else but she lived a chaotic lifestyle and she had 4 children. No man in sight and I don't know the history but they lived in a filthy house and the younger children were filthy but this little girl did try. Anyway we gave her some things, some bought for her some things we were replacing like our old PC. We took her for treats, one I remember is taking her to see the first Harry Potter film when it came out.

The family moved away and we lost touch but one day she got in touch with my daughter. She is happily married to a young man who is hardworking. She has 2 beautiful children and a nice home. I like to think the input from us might have helped a little, I will never know but whatever made the difference it is lovely to see the success she has made of her life and I don't think we did any harm.

Pollycat

mumps wrote: »

I was replying to SDW, that was why I quoted her.

Check post #143.

You quoted a post of mine.
I then quoted your post #143 in my reply to you in my post #146.

The post you replied to 7DW was post #144.