How to get Teens off Gaming

Mojisola

mutley74 wrote: »

If i switch his wifi off at night time he becomes abusive.

It doesn't really matter what his hobby is - being abusive is totally unacceptable.

missbiggles1

WibblyGirly wrote: »

I used to spend all my free time at 15 gaming, once I left college and got a full time job I had to cut down.
He'll probably outgrow the 'hardcore' gaming as he gets older and his friends start doing other things. I still game now but not every day or even every week.

But suppose you hadn't got a job (or got into college for that matter) - what then?

Flyonthewall

mutley74 wrote: »

i think you have understood my concerns fully. Part of what you saying is what I am experiencing with him.
for example playing non stop on weekends/school holidays from midday to past midnight maybe with 1-2hrs break (if that sometimes) for lunch is his typical routine.

In that case, I'd certainly check out the gaming related board games I mentioned in my first post. They could really help and you should both enjoy them if you both like gaming.

If he gets angry at the wi-fi turning off he needs to find a way to deal with that. Maybe a punch bag? He could hit that and release his anger so he's not directing it at you or anyone else.

Maybe try and find something else that takes some focus (so he's not thinking about gaming) but doesn't take a long time to do that he can complete and feel like he has achieved something. Something he can build or possibly fix.

What is it he likes about gaming? If you can find that out it might help. As above, if he's looking to feel like he has completed something then you can use that.

barbiedoll

WibblyGirly wrote: »

I used to spend all my free time at 15 gaming, once I left college and got a full time job I had to cut down.
He'll probably outgrow the 'hardcore' gaming as he gets older and his friends start doing other things. I still game now but not every day or even every week.

We used to worry about our son and his gaming habit, we found that we had to draw very strict boundaries and stick to them. For instance, when he was 13-14, no screens at all were allowed on Tuesdays and Fridays and no more than 2 hours each night, AFTER homework was done. When he was a little older, we allowed his phone/tablet or whatever on the game-free days (although we found he was just playing games on his bloody phone!) During his GCSE's he had to study his maths for at least half an hour every night, as well as any other homework/study, before even switching the wi-fi on.

He didn't go out much, which used to worry me hugely until I spoke to almost every other parent of a kid the same age. We all whinge about how things were different in our day but to be honest, if me and my best mate had the chance to talk to each other via a screen, instead of hanging around cold, dreary streets at night, I'm sure we'd have jumped at the chance. Funnily enough, her daughter now makes a small fortune streaming her gaming online, my son watches her and her boyfriend on their channel, regularly!

Now that my son is at college, he doesn't spend nearly so much time on his console. He does however, spend most of his life looking at his phone and sending messages/snapchat/instagram stuff (whatever that is) and it's like having a random weirdo in the house, who bursts out laughing every so often and who completely ignores us because he always has headphones stuffed in his ears.

I can remember my mum moaning when I spent the evening on the phone to my mate. She would ask what we could possibly find to talk about, seeing as we had only left each other an hour ago. According to her, in her day, if she wanted to speak to her friends, she had to actually go outside the house and mingle with people properly.

All sounds a bit familiar now!

WibblyGirly

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But suppose you hadn't got a job (or got into college for that matter) - what then?

Then maybe I'd have been a teen mum with 4 kids and council house! Who knows?! I've known plenty of people play video games as much as I did and none of them still do it as they all got jobs!

FredG

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with gaming as the primary recreation, especially as a teenager. With all the online play, it's actually quite a social event. Him throwing tantrums is annoying but if you would not complain if he was out running around or playing his guitar, then you shouldn't be upset that he's playing video games.

Hell, a kid just the other day won $250k in a video game competition. Maybe that could be him!

I don't think the issue is the hobby, it's the lengths of time spent isolating himself and the reaction when it's suggested he steps away for a bit.

I'm a gamer myself, have been since the age of 5. I understand there's a social aspect but it's no substitute for actual human interaction. There's always a veneer of safety when you're hidden behind a screen speaking into a microphone, people often project a different image and the type of interaction is mostly centralised towards the activity. That lack of variety can make someone's communication skills very linear.

Again, I'm using extreme cases of people who totally isolate and do nothing but game. Gaming is fanatastic for giving your brain a workout. It tests your lateral thinking, your reactions and some of the games made these days have better narratives and characterisation than most of the trash that Hollywood kicks out.

As for the kid winning $250k in a pro-gaming tournament used in the example above, would you use a similar example if the lad was spending every spare penny on scratchcards because a few people have won a couple of million pounds?

It's all about moderation. Gaming as a hobby is a good thing in my eyes. As a parent maybe you could gain a better understanding. If he's a FIFA 17 player take an interest in which player's he's getting in his packs etc.

Making the hobby less of a battleground might serve you better in weaning him away to spend some time doing something else. Maybe get hold of something story lead that you can play through together, something that prompts discussion.

Best of luck anyway!

Dird

Pixie5740 wrote: »

When gaming (or any hobby/interest) starts interfering with school and sleep it's time for the parents to try and curb it.

OP hasn't said this is the case though. People stay up later on weekends when they don't need to wake up early. OP only said her own sleep was impacted, a slightly older teen (18-19) might go to the pub on a weekend and return late at night, again disturbing OPs sleep yet people don't see this activity as a problem/anti-social

Flyonthewall

Dird wrote: »

OP hasn't said this is the case though. People stay up later on weekends when they don't need to wake up early. OP only said her own sleep was impacted, a slightly older teen (18-19) might go to the pub on a weekend and return late at night, again disturbing OPs sleep yet people don't see this activity as a problem/anti-social

They have. The OP says he's worn out through staying up.

Lack of sleep could also be contributing to his anger taken away from gaming.

It's also bound to be having an affect on schoolwork. Perhaps nothing major, but he's not likely to be doing his best work if that tired and constantly thinking and wanting to game.

OP says:

He has worn himself out with tiredness, he has seen doctors, therapists etc., because of some behaviour problems etc.

Also, if someone was coming home late at weekends, especially every weekend, then the parents are bound to get fed up with their sleep being disturbed and probably be worried about how much they're drinking.

However, you can't really compare the two. Hearing someone chat away for hours (and possibly game noises too) and not being able to get to sleep every night because of it is not the same as someone out drinking late and waking someone up for a short time when they get home.

mutley74

Flyonthewall wrote: »

They have. The OP says he's worn out through staying up.

Lack of sleep could also be contributing to his anger taken away from gaming.

It's also bound to be having an affect on schoolwork. Perhaps nothing major, but he's not likely to be doing his best work if that tired and constantly thinking and wanting to game.

OP says:
Also, if someone was coming home late at weekends, especially every weekend, then the parents are bound to get fed up with their sleep being disturbed and probably be worried about how much they're drinking.

However, you can't really compare the two. Hearing someone chat away for hours (and possibly game noises too) and not being able to get to sleep every night because of it is not the same as someone out drinking late and waking someone up for a short time when they get home.

You are correct on all points you have highlighted. School has slipped a bit, i would say approx. 1 grade lower on school reports.
And yes hearing your child talking all night Friday and Saturday each weekend, and almost daily in school holidays till about 1am-ish when playing an Xbox has taken its toll on my sleep routine.

Out of interest, on his xbox he used one of my MS email accounts to verify his age. Thus i get occasional emails when he has downloaded a new online game. Is there anyway i can see the on/off times or hours per a day he plays on his Xbox? (maybe anything like the family setting on Windows).

Flyonthewall

mutley74 wrote: »

You are correct on all points you have highlighted. School has slipped a bit, i would say approx. 1 grade lower on school reports.
And yes hearing your child talking all night Friday and Saturday each weekend, and almost daily in school holidays till about 1am-ish when playing an Xbox has taken its toll on my sleep routine.

Out of interest, on his xbox he used one of my MS email accounts to verify his age. Thus i get occasional emails when he has downloaded a new online game. Is there anyway i can see the on/off times or hours per a day he plays on his Xbox? (maybe anything like the family setting on Windows).

Going into my xbox account (xbox Settings) and clicking Family it says about looking up their online activity. However, it may be for child accounts only so it would depend what his account is set as.

It also says about a timer, but from what I've read that's only available on the xbox 360 and not the xbox One.

If there's anything on that it'll be under that section I should think.