How to get Teens off Gaming

Flyonthewall

spadoosh wrote: »

Pfft addiction. Sounds exactly like me at his age.

If it was a different hobby would you be as bothered? Ok maybe not trombone but if his hobby was say football and he was constantly doing that or if hobby was su doku and he was constantly doing that would you feel differently?

He's being abusive when he can't play, playing until exhausted and has dropped all other hobbies and won't do any new ones. They're signs of addiction.

It's something that's been happening for a few years so at the very least it's not healthy to continue to play until exhausted constantly.

I love games and they do have many positives, but that doesn't mean that it's harmless for everyone.

If it were any other hobby the same would be said - you can get addicted to anything and if you are addicted that's not healthy regardless of what it is.

People have died from being addicted to games. They keep playing and don't look after themselves. They don't sleep and they don't eat or drink because they don't want to leave their game. He's already not sleeping properly/enough. Hopefully it won't go further than that.

If they're good and can and want to make something out of gaming then it would be sad if people told them to give up something they loved, but it's one thing spending hours gaming and still having a life and be looking after yourself and it's another to be worn out, abusive and give up on everything else to just game all day everyday.

Pixie5740

spadoosh wrote: »

Whilst playing games is 'one' thing. Playing a football match, capturing a flag, solving a quest, exploring new lands and racing your mates is many.

Except you're not doing any of those things when you're gaming. You're sat on your backside tapping away on some buttons. i'm not saying that gaming can't be/isn't fun but it has to be balanced. When gaming (or any hobby/interest) starts interfering with school and sleep it's time for the parents to try and curb it.

Flyonthewall

mutley74 wrote: »

He has a new Xbox, so only has 3 games inc Fifa 17, He is communicating with friends online (he used to be on his ps3 all the time).
Mid week he stops around 7pm, has his tea, sometimes a bit of token homework (very occasional) then just sits on his tablet, shower and bed around 1030-11ish. Sometimes midweek he does go back on the Xbox around 9pm, he tell me "for a break".
I dont mind him playing, but he plays daily, and longer hours on weekend.
Its a problem for me at the weekends as i get to bed early and i can hear him talking to his friends which wakes me up many times. I have tried many times explaining this to him and via his counsellors, but he does not seem to realise its problem.
I know some here might "blame" me as his parent for letting this happen. But when i tried so much to help him with lots of professional help nothing would work.
Why i am asking for advice....as i think just having one concentrated hobby in front of a TV daily is not very healthy or encouraging to his wellbeing. What happened to the days when kids would watch/play sports or some other physical or active hobby.

The end part of this makes a difference to the situation that wasn't in the OP.

Nothing wrong with gaming as a hobby. The question is has he given up other hobbies because he didn't really enjoy them or because he's addicted to gaming?

If he wasn't really enjoying the other hobbies, found gaming and enjoys that that's completely different to him giving up hobbies he enjoyed to just game.

If he's gaming with friends then he's being social and gaming has other positives too.

If he is addicted it's a big issue. If he's not then there's no problem, but if he's disturbing you when you sleep and he's not sleeping enough you need to set rules so that when you go to bed he has to at least turn off his mic so you're not disturbed, but ideally switch the console off (certainly on a school night).

Getting doctors and so on involved won't solve anything if he's just getting angry that you're trying to take away a hobby.

missbiggles1

Just take the damn thing away from him and don't buy him anything else. You're supposed to be his parent, not his friend.

Flyonthewall

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Except you're not doing any of those things when you're gaming. You're sat on your backside tapping away on some buttons. i'm not saying that gaming can't be/isn't fun but it has to be balanced. When gaming (or any hobby/interest) starts interfering with school and sleep it's time for the parents to try and curb it.

You're not just "tapping away on some buttons". There's a lot of mental skills involved. Problem-solving, strategy, hand eye co-ordination, memory exercises etc.

That's assuming you're playing with a normal controller and not using the Kinect which involves having to move around to play.

spadoosh

Flyonthewall wrote: »

He's being abusive when he can't play, playing until exhausted and has dropped all other hobbies and won't do any new ones. They're signs of addiction.

It's something that's been happening for a few years so at the very least it's not healthy to continue to play until exhausted constantly.

I love games and they do have many positives, but that doesn't mean that it's harmless for everyone.

If it were any other hobby the same would be said - you can get addicted to anything and if you are addicted that's not healthy regardless of what it is.

People have died from being addicted to games. They keep playing and don't look after themselves. They don't sleep and they don't eat or drink because they don't want to leave their game. He's already not sleeping properly/enough. Hopefully it won't go further than that.

If they're good and can and want to make something out of gaming then it would be sad if people told them to give up something they loved, but it's one thing spending hours gaming and still having a life and be looking after yourself and it's another to be worn out, abusive and give up on everything else to just game all day everyday.

So are sports people addicts? Is Christiano Ronaldo an addict? Paula Radcliffe?

I dont do any new hobbies, i like the ones i have. Does that mean im addicted to the ones i have.

Your argument is about responsibilities not his hobby. Yes i completely agree if someone doesnt look after themselves its not responsible that why you educate your child about responsibilities not what they should and shouldnt be doing with 'their time'. Hows it any different than say someone spending 30 hrs doing an assignment at uni which is commonly accepted. When people pump themselves full of caffeine and sugar to soldier through?

Teenagers tend to be abusive (upset/frustrated) when they get told they cant do something. Whether thats wearing make up, listening to music, playing games, going to the park at 10pm.

Pixie, youre only showing your ignorance to me. You dont stop people taking drugs by saying 'dont take drugs' you dont stop people becoming alcoholics by saying 'dont drink alcohol'. That only pushes them in to feeling the victim.

iammumtoone

I think you need a different approach telling him to stop is not going to work.

Is he playing so he can earn money to spend in the game. Is he given pocket money, or does he have other means to get money to spend in the game? If his only way of getting money to spend in the game is by playing I can understand why he plays for so long, he doesn't have a choice if he wants to get further in the game as to do that you need money/coins. Maybe offer him a way to earn money so he doesn't have to play so much to get what he wants in the game.

If you can't beat him, have you tried joining him? Get another controller and play one evening a week with him. Then ask him to spend an evening a week doing something with you. I appreciate this is going to be hard with a 15 year old but there must be something you can do together on 'your' evening.

Pixie5740

spadoosh wrote: »

Pixie, youre only showing your ignorance to me. You dont stop people taking drugs by saying 'dont take drugs' you dont stop people becoming alcoholics by saying 'dont drink alcohol'. That only pushes them in to feeling the victim.

My ignorance? I'm the one who knows the difference between kicking a football and pressing some buttons.

I very much doubt that Cristian Ronaldo or Paula Radcliffe deprive themselves of sleep in order to play football or run otherwise they wouldn't perform very well unlike the OP's son who is not getting enough sleep which is probably contributing towards his behavioural problems.

FBaby

Focus his attention away from gaming. The problem is that it sounds like he has nothing else in his life that gives him pleasure beside gaming, so he does it by default.

Suggesting that he takes up an interest is pointless because at the moment, all he can see is that gaming is fun and the rest is boring. You need slowly introduce him to other things and FORCE him to join in. Of course he will tell you that he didn't like the activity you did together, or still moan, but don't give up. He probably did enjoy it, but he will need to acknowledge to himself before he does to you.

My DS went through a stage of only wanting to play on his Xbox. He became aggressive, unresponsive, and even depressed and I started to get concerned. I gradually insisted we did things together, mainly week-end, centered around things that he should like. The usual response was 'yeah, it was ok I suppose', but gradually he started to step away from the machine. Thankfully, his friends' parents had the same approach so he didn't feel he was the only one who couldn't stay on it forever.

To my surprise, he even started to plan to play tennis or football in the park over the summer, and has now re-joined a football club after giving it up because it was 'stupid'. He still enjoys gaming, especially in the winter, but it doesn't dominate his life like it did before, and he himself admit that he used to feel so frustrated with it, it contributed a lot to his feeling angry all the time.

I am pretty sure that between going to play a football game and a session on the xbox, he would now pick the former every time.

spadoosh

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Just take the damn thing away from him and don't buy him anything else. You're supposed to be his parent, not his friend.

The perfect way to a life of resenting your parents.

I used to stay up with my old man playing red alert till midnight, i was his 2ic. Some of the greatest memories so far of me and my dad.

I remember the christmas eve my mum was balling her eyes out because she had ordered a ps2 that wouldnt show up for xmas. She wasnt a huge fan of games but it was reassuring and devastating at the same time that she just wanted to make me happy. That day will live with me until i die and i can only hope that i could offer the same to my daughter.

I'd love to play games with her. But if she want to play dolls ill do that, if she wants to become a beauty queen ill help her, if she wants to be a professional footballer ill put all my effort into giving her every opportunity, if she wants to ban computer games ill help her work out a way of trying to do it.