Absolutely crushed by what I've seen. Need advice on what to do. :(

emberlyn

Thank you all for your comments, you've all been very helpful and given me things to think about.

The fact that he misses the time he had together with his ex is the only real red flag and thing that's bothering me. I'm not particularly bothered about the what the rest of the texts said and that he asked her if she was okay as that shows he's a caring guy and just worried about her. I do wonder why he keeps texting her with no response from her though. We always have such wonderful conversations so it's a little upsetting there may still be a void only his ex can fill.

I'm going to be careful but I don't want to give up on him.

LKRDN_Morgan

emberlyn wrote: »

. I do wonder why he keeps texting her with no response from her though.

You know why. On the one hand he says she's having a hard time dealing with the break up but yet hes texting her and not getting any response which tells me she's not bothered in the slightest. He's a liar and you're falling for it.

emberlyn wrote: »

I'm going to be careful but I don't want to give up on him.

You should. Hes going to break your heart.

Caroline_a

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

You know why. On the one hand he says she's having a hard time dealing with the break up but yet hes texting her and not getting any response which tells me she's not bothered in the slightest. He's a liar and you're falling for it.

This. You are very young, and you're being played. Bottom line is he lied to you, however you dress it up. He's not a 'caring guy' or he wouldn't lie. And if he can lie about her not getting over him then he can lie about other things. I wonder how many other females he has in his contact list.

Find someone local to you, this will only end in tears.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You know that, to some men, the idea of being with a virgin is incredibly attractive, don't you? And the idea of being 'given' a girl's virginity for Christmas would appeal to them in the sense of having something to brag about to their mates/online?

Once the girl isn't one any more, they lose interest.

suki1964

Oh he's having great fun with you, the wee innocent virgin who he can get to sex chat online, gives him something to get his rocks off too without having to put in any real feelings into

Seriously hope he's not pushed you into web cramming for him as well


Oh well, you are young, you will get over him

OneLeggedPig

Blimey a lot of people here are very certain that they know exactly what is going on and exactly what will happen.

In reality we only have a bit of information and can only speculate.

It's fine to give advice but to say "this will happen to you" or "he is definitely going to do this" is purely speculation.

Emberlyn just try to take it steady, be careful, and remember that you are very very young and, while it might not seem like it now, you will meet many more people in the future so if this isn't "it" now, then that's not the end of the world.

Best of luck.

tea_lover

You've met him three times?? That isn't a relationship, it certainly isn't love (especially not when he's trying it on with his ex the whole time). You're something for him to fill a bit of time with - and you're worth so much more than that.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

http://tinybuddha.com/topic/absolutely-crushed-by-what-ive-seen-need-advice-on-what-to-do/

emberlyn

Thank you for your support OneLeggedPig. Some of the comments have been a bit disheartening but I do appreciate the honesty. It's good to see all your perspectives on the situation. That's why I posted on TinyBuddha too - well spotted Ronaldo

I know I haven't had chance to meet him many times, but unfortunately me still being at college and the distance prevents us from seeing each other as much as we'd like. He's really keen to spend as much time with me as possible when I'm on my holidays from college though. I can honestly say that things seem great between us. It's just these texts that bother me but part of me wonders if I've overreacted. It's not like he told her he loved her or was talking inappropriately to her.

onomatopoeia99

OneLeggedPig wrote: »

Blimey a lot of people here are very certain that they know exactly what is going on and exactly what will happen.

In reality we only have a bit of information and can only speculate.

It's fine to give advice but to say "this will happen to you" or "he is definitely going to do this" is purely speculation.

Yup, interesting how many people have already adduced the motivations of a third party that they've never met and can pronounce with the certainty of fiat what their future actions will be.


OP, having a relationship grow online can be a very intense experience as it grows in a bubble of its own. When you do meet face to face it can be awkward, but still "oh wow! this person is everything I hoped", or it can go less well. Even if it goes great, you are still in some respects right at the start with lots to learn about each other, despite all the things you will have shared beforehand and you should both remember that before placing great expectations on the other's behaviour.

To all those that have ascribed adverse motives to the boyfriends behaviour, I would say that I've had my heart broken, and in one case metaphorically ripped out and stamped on (that was a relationship that started a convential way, via the workplace and lasted years) but I would still choose to begin any new one with hope and trust, not assume the woman was going to ultimately turn out to be an utter horror like one in my past did and search around for reasons why it would all go wrong from the start, because if I couldn't view the world with hope then why would I bother starting a relationship with anyone?