Absolutely crushed by what I've seen. Need advice on what to do. :(

pollypenny

This thread strikes me as an opener for an aspiring novelist - someone who has a bit of a basic plot and wants to produce the next 'Gone Girl' or !Girl on a Train'.

We could give her some ideas to develop the plot.

On the other hand, I could write the short story for my U3A group.

FBaby

I don't think there is anything out of the ordinary in this situation. OP is still emotionally young and has little experience behind her. She has fallen in love quickly and is emotionally invested in this relationship which she considers, based on her feelings, serious.

I expect he likes OP but is not one bit close to feeling the same attachment. He is taking the 'will see how things go' approach. That means if things evolve with OP, fine, if his ex decides she wants him back, he'll go back to her and say good bye to OP, which from his view is no big deal because they were at the very first stage of a relationship and miles from being serious.

Alternatively, he might think it would be ok to juggle both so that he can decide which has a more promising future.

Caroline_a

Have you just met him in person the once? In which case I don't think you can form any proper decisions about what he's really like, and judging from what you have said about the phone messages, he sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it as well!!

Kayalana99

Your 18, living the fairy tale dream of meeting someone online and falling in love...facing the threat of living so far apart but one way or another your love will win and you'll be together.

He's 27, he's older, wiser. He's met you online and liked you by sound of it and things progessed, but it's not the same as having someone who is actually their to keep you company. His Ex perhaps didn't work out, perhaps he is worried about her but in a real healthy relationship he would have been open to you about them being in touch. Can you 100% say without a doubt, if a girl came along he would turn her down for you?

I've been their, I really really have been thier. I was 16 (actually I started speaking to him when I was 13, but we didn't 'date' till I was 16) and he was 25 living in another country, we even met a few times and I thought he was the world....but I'm 26 now, I'm married with kids and I know what real love is.

Real love isn't talking on an online chat room all day and night. Love is many things, but it's not that.

marisco_2

I think he sees you as young and naïve and is playing you like a fiddle. Subtly prove to him that you're neither of those things. Nor are you prepared to be anyone's doormat. Walk away and hold your head up high. It may hurt like hell but in no time you will be proud of yourself for doing it.

emberlyn

Hi again all,

In response to one of your questions, I have met him in person on three occasions since the beginning of October and stayed over each time. I've spent 12 days with him in all.

We're planning to spend Christmas and new year together. He asked me last night if I would like to come down once I've finished college for the holidays and spend a couple of weeks with him. This is a good sign yeah? Shows he wants to spend a lot of time with me

I asked him about his ex too. I brought her up in conversation and he said had been in touch with her to check up on her but not for a while... And he said she's an important person to him and always will be but didn't work as a couple. And he also said he does feel bad about hurting her. This seems likely, what do you guys think? I know he said 'not for a while' and it was only last week when he texted but I don't think that's too bad. The only thing that's bothering me from the texts that I saw was him saying he missed their time together, hanging out and talking to her. I'm just hoping he meant that as a friend.

I know some of you are saying he's pining over her but he ended it and she wanted him back. She even bought him gifts to try and win him back, one got delivered to the house when I was there two months ago. He knows she'd take him back in a heartbeat and if he wanted to be with her too, he would be.

Bogalot

emberlyn wrote: »

Hi again all,

In response to one of your questions, I have met him in person on three occasions since the beginning of October and stayed over each time. I've spent 12 days with him in all.

We're planning to spend Christmas and new year together. He asked me last night if I would like to come down once I've finished college for the holidays and spend a couple of weeks with him. This is a good sign yeah? Shows he wants to spend a lot of time with me

I asked him about his ex too. I brought her up in conversation and he said had been in touch with her to check up on her but not for a while... And he said she's an important person to him and always will be but didn't work as a couple. And he also said he does feel bad about hurting her. This seems likely, what do you guys think? I know he said 'not for a while' and it was only last week when he texted but I don't think that's too bad. The only thing that's bothering me from the texts that I saw was him saying he missed their time together, hanging out and talking to her.

I think this is turning into a creative writing assignment.

Guest101

emberlyn wrote: »

Hi again all,

In response to one of your questions, I have met him in person on three occasions since the beginning of October and stayed over each time. I've spent 12 days with him in all.

We're planning to spend Christmas and new year together. He asked me last night if I would like to come down once I've finished college for the holidays and spend a couple of weeks with him. This is a good sign yeah? Shows he wants to spend a lot of time with me

I asked him about his ex too. I brought her up in conversation and he said had been in touch with her to check up on her but not for a while... And he said she's an important person to him and always will be but didn't work as a couple. And he also said he does feel bad about hurting her. This seems likely, what do you guys think? I know he said 'not for a while' and it was only last week when he texted but I don't think that's too bad. The only thing that's bothering me from the texts that I saw was him saying he missed their time together, hanging out and talking to her. I'm just hoping he meant that as a friend.

He wants from her what he cant get from you, it's as simple as that

OneLeggedPig

I'm in the minority on this thread, but to me if there was nothing "dodgy" in his texts to her then what he has said seems okay to me. Maybe some people like to break clean away from their exes, but to me it seems normal to want to stay in touch a bit afterwards, and maybe he is worried about her.

But do be careful and don't get too carried away.

justme111

Yes he wants to spend time with you. So what ? You are a massive tease for him , you limit your sexual offers , he is a man , he does not have anybody else going on , his ex not replying to his texts ( rightly so) - of course he wants to spend time with you.
Up to you whether you want to spend time with him.
I would not. Because :
-he spent time on pc gaming while his relationship fallen apart because he did not give his partner attention
- he misrepresented nature of their contact when talking to you
- he shown lack of emphaty and manipulative behaviour im his texts to her - if one misses someone " as a friend" after break up it is not kosher to tell them how miss time with them etc without making it very clear it is as a friend. Or try to contact them repeatedly if they don't respond.
- if she turned up at his tomorrow do you honestly think they would not have sex ?
But that is me , someone more than double of your age. You do whatever you want to do , after all the worst that can happen is going to be someone brokenhearted and it is how experience is gained