The Illuminative Project.

Chandelier.

Evening.

It's been a busy couple of days.. A couple of spends accrued.

Yesterday we ventured out and went for a walk in the country. Followed by ice cream and a country pub meal on the way home. It was lovely. We looked at a potential venue for a family member who recently got engaged. It really was a wonderful place. I think I may possibly be a bridemaid for this wedding, there have been talks. I desperately want to lose weight and slim down for this, whether I'm a bridemaid or not. At a recent wedding a few months back I didn't make the effort to lose weight and I felt so uncomfortable on the day. Total spends yesterday- £22 (approx).

Today we ventured out to Manchester city centre for yet another meal with close relations and friends. We all had a lovely afternoon. Then me and my mum had a ponder round the shops.. I bought myself a shiny new diary for 2017- it's very pretty and colourful. I also bought myself a journal which is titled - "Be your best self". It's full of lots of wonderful quotes and suggestions of things to write and be grateful for and suggestions for personal development etc. I need something like this that reminds me to be kind to myself and do what I am able to and not worry about what I'm not able to. I then bought the boy some new clothes as he seems to have had a growth spurt. All in all, £62 spent today. That shall be it for me now for the rest of the month hopefully. I haven't bought myself something for a long time and this just seems right at the moment.

Tomorrow we are going to a pantomime/theme park of which I won tickets to with a faceb00k competition. I don't usually enter these and for some reason entered this one and surprisingly won. It's a nice treat and day out for us as a family. We will take leftover Christmas food/snacks/picnic so we won't have to spend on food. We have petrol in the car so should be a cheap day out!

Friday is the only day where we can have a chill day. The past week has been hectic and to be honest has definitely worn me out. I think I've overdone it to be honest but I felt I have had to do everything as close family had travelled a long distance to see us.

Also NYE party is at our house this year so will be lots of preparation on Saturday. I doubt there will be much spends as we have plenty left food wise. I think we might make a big batch of lasagne and some small nibbles. We have some food vouchers for M0rrisons thay we've saved up over the course of 2016 that shall pay for that.

I'm really desperate to just sit down, chill out and go through my finances with a fine tooth comb. Everything is ticking along nicely but I'd like to see it in black and white in front of me.

I also need to chase up appointments regarding my health. I haven't seen my CPN or heard from her in a while which is unusual. The next few weeks is appointment galore again. I want to feel organised and I want to prepare for my return to work.

Hope everyone is well.

Chandelier.

Morning.

Last night I had great difficulty in sleeping. I was awake until around half 3. I also felt really weird. I have been struggling to sleep properly the past few days and I think because it's been so busy I've not noticed the effect it's had on me. I've been having some weird racing thoughts and variant mood changes. I'm beginning to wonder if this is some sort of manic episode I'm going through? I can never fully tell. I guess that's why they called it bipolar mixed affective state. I think I need to call my CPN. I was so close to calling the crisis team last night because I felt so unusual and I haven't been like that for a good few weeks. I think I didn't because I don't want to burst the bubble I'm sort of in. I have plans keeping me busy.

I did want to set off early this morning for the day out but I'm going at my own pace. It's pretty cold out too. My mum's going to drive so I'll give her some petrol money..I don't feel like I could concentrate and with roads being icy it's probably the best option.

It does make me feel sad I feel this way when I felt like I was doing so well. I know I still am but setbacks like these send my thoughts into overdrive.

I hope to update later on in a better mind frame.

MistyMountainTop

I hope you are feeling better soon, just the lack of sleep makes everything seem so much worse.

It sounds like you have some lovely things planned, I hope you are able to enjoy them with your family!

Chandelier.

Evening.

Today went really well. The boy loved going on the rides with me and his nana. The pantomime though.. It was suppose to be Beauty and the Beast. However it is the most random, bizarre production of it I've ever seen- it was all over the place and quite poor. I guess I'm used to seeing proper pantomimes. I'm glad I didn't pay for it because I would have most likely been very disappointed. I suspect quite a few people were as the venue seemed to empty about 3/4 the way through. The boy enjoyed it though so all is well.

I haven't had any spends today aside from chipping in for petrol. We had a picnic with us and that was enough. It was very cold outside and I forgot to take my gloves and hat. I'm still trying to warm up now.

We are off to visit some relatives soon for their birthday. It will only be a quick visit.

I phoned my care team whom were brilliant. My CPN wasn't in but the on duty nurse liased with my consultant and is increasing my medication so we'll see how I go until my next appointment. She's advised me to get in touch if I have any further issues over the next few days and my CPN will be back in next week hopefully and come visit me.

Tomorrow is going to be about chilling out totally and slowly gathering myself together. I have one appointment mid day then I'm out in the evening at a friends but it will be a relaxed affair.

I'm still in the middle of working out my goals and resolutions for 2017. I've been writing them on a memo on my phone whenever I think about it.

Have a good evening everyone.

Bobarella

Shame the panto wasn't great. I'm glad you got the support you needed from your health care team though that's very important.

Chandelier.

Afternoon,

It's been a mixture of a day today. It was suppose to be a chill out day but as usual not everything goes to plan.

I had a work meeting today in regards to looking back at going to work. Everyone seems to be of the impression I'm still not fit to go back. I'm just worried about money and all that. I know ultimately my health important but I'm bored. I'm bored of being off. One other way to supplement my income is to use my annual leave. I will discuss this next week with manager/payroll. This may be a good option as I doubt I'll get the time to take all my annual leave before the next tax year.

We then went shopping for food for tomorrow night. We had £50 of vouchers to use which we collect over the course of the year thanks to the M0rrisons miles and more card (We managed to save up £80 and this has been split over Christmas/new year food spends).

I've just purchased a pre payment prescription card as I have lots of prescriptions at the moment for new medication and dressings etc.

Tonight I'm off to my friends for a drink and catch up. It will be a low key affair and I'm not sure if I will drink yet or not.

Tomorrow is just the prep of getting the house cleaned and ready for the party. Aside from that not much else to do.

This morning the boy and I spent some time together colouring and making mosaic pictures together. He really enjoyed that and so did I. We found some old crayons stamp markers that were mine when I was younger- somehow they're still as good as new and work fine so we've had lots of fun.

I'll probably whip up a pasta for tea for the boy and myself. I've looked in the fridge and there is alot of food close to use by date. I'm going to make a plan to use this all up somehow and minimise wastage. This is what frustrates me about Christmas food and shopping. How much is easily forgotten about and then thrown.

Anyhow off to finish off the rest of my to do list.

Bobarella

What is on the danger list Chandelier for food? Don't forget anlot of food can be cooked and then frozen to save waste.

MistyMountainTop

You're sounding quite organised. I need to do my goals/resolutions today, I keep looking at other people's and being impressed.

Chandelier.

Bob.

It had been things like double cream, wafer thin ham, pate.. Things pushed to back of fridge when other stuffed placed in. I have a system I like to use when organising the fridge. It then often gets muddled up and I have OCD in regards to it and won't touch it until I go food shopping ha ha. I'm the type of person to stick to a list and go prepared. My mum is the opposite ha ha.

Anyhow we've used the cream and made a lemon cheesecake for tonight. We've used the ham on sandwiches today.

I've spent the morning cleaning the bathroom. I've made all sandwich fillings for later. I'm about to go get a bath and chill for half an hour and then I'll crack on with the rest of things to do.

I've still not done my number crunching. I'm not worrying though, I'm trying to be optimistic and relax more.

Has anyone else got plans for tonight?

We are just doing simple food and having family around. Just the way I like it.

Misty I wish I was really organised. That's one of my resolutions. I need to get routine and organisation back in my life, it makes me happy.

Chandelier.

Happy New Year!! Here's to 2017:D

I hope everyone had a really good evening last night, whether it was a night out or night in, busy or quiet. We had a family gathering at our house. It was quite nice to catch up with all the family. However at certain points I felt overwhelmed and had to sneak off for a quiet five minutes to allow myself a bit of head space. Sometimes I find the noise a bit overwhelming.

I didn't get to sleep until around 3am. As I didn't drink any alcohol I was asked to give lifts to family members. They offered petrol money, I refused. One member offered me ten pound but I refused as I know money is tight for them and they've had a lot of unexpected outgoings recently. The other member offered but didn't give any at the end. I'm not too fussed. I saved them a lot of money and time waiting round for taxis. For some reason here they seem to literally double on nights like NYE.

I've been collecting a list of things I''d like to achieve over the next upcoming year. I wouldn't describe them as resolutions, more challenges/goals I'd like to undertake and achieve. There are plenty, some are short term others long term. I think they all come together nicely under the original idea when I started this thread- The Illuminative Project. An enlightening journey to get myself to where I want to be, which may have many ups and downs throughout this but I'd like to approach it with a positive attitude.

Here are my long term/short term goals.


Health
- Lose 28lb before the 7th May 2017. ( I will do this by doing slimming world at home by myself, I have the books and have previously lost weight doing this)
- Engage with healthcare professionals to ensure optimized wound healing and no further setbacks with health/further operations. (After three operations in 2016, I'd like to finally get better and when I next see the consultant be discharged. Its been a long road. I've made changes to my diet and I am being cautious with what i do).
- Look after my Mental Health. Continue to take medication and keep a mood diary and liaise with mental health team. Monitor any changes in moods and ascertain potential triggers. Seek help when needed.
- Exercise- find an exercise that I enjoy and participate in this at least two/three times a week. Improve my fitness levels. I intend to start off doing exercise videos found on youtube and maybe start running/walking more often. In the future I may look at a gym membership
- Practice mindfulness and look up CBT techniques in hope to self teach. Plenty of resources online, just need to set time aside to look through these and find ones which suit me
- Become tougher and stronger mentally; Learn to say No. Learn how to become assertive and confident in all I do, I need to stop doubting myself and over thinking everything
- Drink more water, aim for at least 6 glasses a day.
- Cut down on caffeine.
- Establish a better sleeping routine. Ideally at least 7-8 hours a night. I'd like to start waking at 6am as I am most productive

Money
- Continue to save in Help to Buy Isa. By the end of 2017 I hope to have £5000 in here including what is already there.
- Pay at least £4000 off the loan.Make regular overpayments. Interest is 3.3%. I have money transferred some of the balance onto 0% credit cards
- Make minimum monthly payments to 0% credit cards. When loan is paid off, tackle these.
- Save up for Car Service (April), Car Tax (July) and Car Insurance (September).
- Set aside money for career registration fees (September).
- Pay off holiday with credit card (for security reasons) then use money already saved to pay straight off.
- Renew the Boy’s passport. By beginning of March
- Keep a spending diary.
- Switch banks- the 123 account is not worth it for me no more. Plus there are other incentives.
- Optimise cash back websites where possible.
- Allocate each penny in the month’s budget. Monthly direct debits go out on the 1st of each month
- Review direct debits and see if there is anything non-essential to cut out.
- Save for new glasses.
- Plan for at least 3 NSD a week (total of 156 NSD over the year).
- Activate credit cards and set up standing orders/direct debits to each of these. (I did some money transfers to 0% cards).
- Cancel old credit cards which are no longer of use to me. (No balance on these)

Family
- Spend more time playing games with the boy. This includes participating activities such as building Lego and arts and crafts. At one point I’d struggle to concentrate but I have been practicing more and I am getting better.
- Buy annual passes and have plenty of days out with the boy over the next year. We did this last year and had a ball. We were never bored.
- Play a board game/educational game each night with the boy.
- Have a film night once a week.
- Bake at least once or twice a month with the boy- try new recipes!
- Visit family more often and make time for this. Also stay in contact through any forms of communication.
- Get out for more country walks and explore the areas surrounding us.

Work
- Organise and plan for a return to work. Aiming for end of Jan
- Set some personal development goals in regards to work.
- Pick up sick notes- photocopy and hand them in. (They lost my previous sick notes, luckily my DR agreed to reprint- shouldn’t happen though).
- Ask to use annual leave pay to boost my income whilst on SSP.
- Aim for no further sickness/absence.
- Find a better work-life balance. (Hopefully cut down to 30 hours spread over 5 days. I think smaller work days will benefit me more)
- Engage more with team members and get to know them more, allow them to get to know me.
- Develop my professional knowledge further and acquire more skills, beneficial to career development.
- Update work portfolio.
- Fixed term contract ends beginning of June; Look for permanent job role around end of April/beginning of May. I have backup provisions in place.

Personal
- Organise regular hair appointments . (Although not very money savvy, it makes me feel a lot better about myself).
- Journal my thoughts/feelings in the journal I acquired.
- Start a jar where I put notes in of things I am grateful for/memories made over the next year. I can then look back on it in the future. (This is all about recognizing the small things that matter).
- Read 100 books over the next year.
- Expand my cooking skills; find new recipes and dishes to play around with. Also to try new foods and vary my diet.
- Limit social media and slowly come off it. I hardly use it anymore but still find myself having a nosy. Its time consuming and pointless.
- Sort out my car, give it a deep clean and maintain regular cleaning schedule.
- Find a hobby I enjoy.
- Widen my social circle and make new friends.
- Increase my confidence and self esteem.
- Find a pen pal. I miss writing letters to people. (The only post I receive is bills/junk mail. I had a pen pal when I was younger and enjoyed writing letters. Everything is technology based these days.)
- Improve my social life, catch up with old friends and participate/accept activities when invited.
- Keep and maintain a diary with all upcoming appointments and important dates. Jot down upcoming events, birthdays and special occasions. Plan things in advance.
- Learn how to do makeup using internet tutorials and guides. (I’m not too bad doing makeup at the moment. I have thought about doing a night course. I like doing peoples hair and makeup. I was thinking if I could acquire this skill I could do my sisters makeup on her wedding day and utilise this for other occasions. It’s a bit of fun. )
- Sort all clutter in my bedroom/have a deep clean and sort out.
- Decorate my bedroom and make it my own personal space where I can chill out and relax. At the moment it’s looking poor due to change around of bedroom and a leak from last winter.
- Organise all important paperwork.
- Develop my own cleaning routine/schedule that isn’t too overwhelming.
- Learn to iron (woops).
- Wear makeup more and do things with my hair, this makes me feel much better about myself. Although I am happy not to wear makeup.
- Wear more dresses, again this make me feel better about myself. I tend to hide my body behind baggy clothes.

I hope everyone has a good day. I seem to started with a cold. Oh the joys of spending time with loved ones and sharing lurgies.