The Illuminative Project.

Chandelier.

Afternoon!

So yesterday I read another two books... and had another four hour nap. Oops.

I contacted MBNA and arranged a money transfer. It should hopefully hit the bank tomorrow. I'll then have to wait for previous overpayment to go through before I make that one. The plan then is to hammer the loan (3.3%) whilst minimum payment goes out on 0% credit card (which is 0% for 24 months).

I managed to create a draft budget for next month. Which is minimal compared to my usual. It involves going back to basics. I've also been thinking about ways I can increase my income to alleviate any financial stress. I've not thought of many.

Once I'm back at work and my wages return to normal I hope to utilise every penny within my budget and allocate it to certain funds. I'll make an allocated big overpayment each month to the loan. I'm hoping for this to be around £400 minimum a month. The quicker I pay this off the better.

I'm looking at cutting down my hours at work to 30. This will be discussed further in the new year and I think it will be beneficial to my health and hopefully spread out over five days so my hours are shorter. I'm much more productive doing less hours each day. I'm fixed term contract until June 2017. I'll start looking for new employment around April or just work on the bank for a while until I find my feet.

I think 2017 is going to be spent focusing on myself. I'd like to find a hobby I enjoy. I'm going to stop worrying about saving until I pay my debt off. What's the point in saving when interest rates are low- that is at least until my loan is paid off.

I've had the CPN come visit today and discuss few things with me. She'd like me to see my consultant again earlier than planned. She's amazing and so supportive. I can't fault the NHS enough. I'm finally recieving the care I require regarding my mental health. And also regarding my general health.

It's Op day tomorrow. I'm feeling surprisingly calm. I need to learn to let go of wanting control over everything and go with the flow. After tomorrow I'll know a lot more about what I can and can't do over the next few weeks.

Aside from that not much else to report. My little brains been working overtime worrying a lot. But last night I managed to watch a full film. First time in a long while. I watched Bridget Jones baby on an app I have... it was really good and I laughed so much. I'd definitely recommend.

Hope everyone enjoys their afternoon.

Chandelier.

Evening.. or should I say morning now it's past midnight.

The operation went well today. The wound I now have is a fraction of size it has previously been. During the day I found my mood up and down. All I can remember is making people laugh after I came round from the general anesthetic. Goodness knows what I said. My moods have definitely improved over past couple weeks since new medication. I'm so grateful.

It's been a pretty emotional day. My mum found a Christmas card I wrote for her and I wrote a comment saying thanks for everything she has done. It made her tear up. We've never been an overly affectionate family. But times like these show the true affection. It made me feel content.

We both can't believe how organised we are. We've been discussing extended family a lot and have suggested maybe we should branch out more and visit family more often. Time is precious.

Nothing much happening on the money front. I'm down around 2/3 of my wage this month due to being on SSP. So the budget is being squeezed and each penny is being allocated.

I'm starting to feel more optimistic about a return to work. I just need to ensure correct provisions and plans are put in place to ensure everything runs smoothly.

The boy has now finished school for Christmas break. He's really melting my heart lately and I'm discovering I'm more emotional and in tune with feelings. I'm proud of who he is and his achievements. He's just passed another level in his hobby (that's two levels in two weeks) which are quite hard. He was stuck for a while but all of a sudden seems to have overcome the hurdles. He really is brilliant. He's so kind and affectionate and tries to look out for me. Tonight conversation goes like this:

"Mummy are you hungry?"
- I am a bit why?
"Shall we get something to eat so you can feel better?"
- What shall we have?
"Maybe a chomp bar. We can share it and you have half".

He then proceeded to give me half. It's definitely the little things that mean the most. I have obviously got something right in my life.

All the best to everyone. Hope Christmas preparations are going relatively smoothly.

Scott_Weiland_2

Chandelier. wrote: »

Evening.. or should I say morning now it's past midnight.

The operation went well today. The wound I now have is a fraction of size it has previously been. During the day I found my mood up and down. All I can remember is making people laugh after I came round from the general anesthetic. Goodness knows what I said. My moods have definitely improved over past couple weeks since new medication. I'm so grateful.

It's been a pretty emotional day. My mum found a Christmas card I wrote for her and I wrote a comment saying thanks for everything she has done. It made her tear up. We've never been an overly affectionate family. But times like these show the true affection. It made me feel content.

We both can't believe how organised we are. We've been discussing extended family a lot and have suggested maybe we should branch out more and visit family more often. Time is precious.

Nothing much happening on the money front. I'm down around 2/3 of my wage this month due to being on SSP. So the budget is being squeezed and each penny is being allocated.

I'm starting to feel more optimistic about a return to work. I just need to ensure correct provisions and plans are put in place to ensure everything runs smoothly.

The boy has now finished school for Christmas break. He's really melting my heart lately and I'm discovering I'm more emotional and in tune with feelings. I'm proud of who he is and his achievements. He's just passed another level in his hobby (that's two levels in two weeks) which are quite hard. He was stuck for a while but all of a sudden seems to have overcome the hurdles. He really is brilliant. He's so kind and affectionate and tries to look out for me. Tonight conversation goes like this:

"Mummy are you hungry?"
- I am a bit why?
"Shall we get something to eat so you can feel better?"
- What shall we have?
"Maybe a chomp bar. We can share it and you have half".

He then proceeded to give me half. It's definitely the little things that mean the most. I have obviously got something right in my life.

All the best to everyone. Hope Christmas preparations are going relatively smoothly.

Cute story re your youngen its the little things that matter and the little things you will remember.

MistyMountainTop

I misread the title of your diary as "the illuminati project"

I'm glad your op went well. Aside from saving for a house deposit, I'm also going to focus on myself for 2017, mainly getting my body back into a healthy state, cleaning up my mind, letting go of attitudes and habits that do me no good. I'd like to learn something new, maybe start knitting or ?. I've managed to get the house somewhat in order, which has been at the forefront of my mind for a long time. The start of the new year is when the real work will begin.

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Chandelier.

Morning!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas. I've been absent for the past few days.

Friday was a waste of a day for me. I woke up with a horrendous headache and was sick all day. I think this was down to painkillers. Since then I've stopped all forms of painkillers and I'm just powering on through and finding other ways to cope with the pain. I ended up missing an ENT appointment - We set off but had to turn back quickly. I spent all day asleep. I felt human around 9pm and managed to eat.

On Saturday, I woke up feeling better. We went to a local show in the afternoon and when we came home we ordered an Indian takeaway and played some games together. Once the boy had gone to bed (after sprinkling some reindeer dust and looking out for Santa- we almost forgot to leave out the mince pies and carrots!), I carefully laid out his presents, filled the stocking at the end of his bed and made footprints from the chimney to make it that extra bit more magical. To finish it off for some reason I covered the door in wrapping paper (this ensured no peeking!) and then I finally went to bed. I felt satisfied and super excited.

Yesterday the boy woke me up with the biggest smile on his face as he found his stocking had been filled... as we walked downstairs and he saw the wrapping paper on the door he nearly burst with excitement!! My heart totally melted then.

We had a lovely breakfast together then broke through the door to be greeted with the presents Santa had left. We had a good time unwrapping and then the boy went to his dad's. Christmas dinner was a relaxed affair and followed by watching some films and playing a few games. All in all it was a pleasant day.

I received some beautiful gifts from my sister- well thought out. And also received some wonderful ones from the boy and my mum. We had lots of chocolates given too .

So here I am right now relaxing on Boxing Day. We are going to two family get together later so I'm making the most of the time I have this morning. Everything can be overwhelming sometimes. I just take it step by step.

I'm looking forward to the new year and setting myself some goals- ones that are achievable. I feel in a much better place.

Scott_Weiland_2

Can i be nosey and ask what the painkillers are for?

https://youtu.be/xRZG46lmMBA

you might wanna watch that re painkillers

Chandelier.

I had an operation last Tuesday. There is an open wound and the area it is in is very sensitive and the pain can sometimes be unbearable especially after a dressing change. I'm not normally one for painkillers however after the other day I'd rather withstand the pain then feel that way again. It's weird I've never had the issue before (I've had 3 ops for the same issue this year and so pain management was a big deal due to depths of wound). I'm wondering if it may be due to the meds I'm currently on.

That video is definitely interesting.

Scott_Weiland_2

part two is interesting is a lass on there with chronic pain issues who is putting it bluntly taking enough meds too knock a large elephant off her feet and its amazing her transformation.

Bobarella

Poor you Chandelier I had a similar issue with opiates when I was recovering from an emergency op early this year. I stopped immediately as they made me feel so out of it. Have no idea why anyone would want to do that for please. Feel well soon.

MistyMountainTop

I hope you are feeling better x