The Illuminative Project.

Bobarella

What a pain I hope your son finds his bottle. Lost property is a huge pain.

Chandelier.

It's been a tough weekend. Hence me being absent for a short while.

I'm still physically poorly and ended up in A&E waiting for four hours to see an ENT specialist. I've now ear drops as well as antibiotics. There doesn't seem much difference. I'm wiped out and very pale. Not very exciting to look at.

Mentally, I've been struggling too. Yesterday I spent most of the day in tears and feeling very stressed. My consultant appointment has been brought forward to next week. There are a few issues going on regarding work and pay. I've sought advice so hopefully can get this sorted sooner rather than later.

There have been a couple of spends over the weekend. £17.50 on a meal out with good company and £20.00 on some bits and bobs.

This week is panning out to be busy appointment wise. I've the dentist today for me and the boy. On Thursday I have a hospital appointment and Friday I've the GP in the morning then have been asked to do a friend a favour.

I still need to finish buying Christmas presents. I'd ideally like it done before the end of the first week in December and then I can get them wrapped and out the way. I've only got a select few left to buy for. All other presents have been wrapped.

I'm off for a bath to try and chill out now.

Bobarella

So sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Hugs.

monz

Morning, how are you doing ? Hope you are feeling better x

Chandelier.

Morning!

So its the 1st of December already, wow this year has flown by.

I'm still feeling pretty rough to be honest. I don't think it will subside for a while, I just need to ride it out. I'm coming towards the end of my course of antibiotics and somehow I've managed to finish them and not miss one. That's a big achievement for me.

Yesterday I had a couple of spends.. £4.00 on a new pretty journal for myself and £10.00 on 3x scarves for Christmas presents (one for my mum, the boys nanny and maybe one for myself lol). I managed to also find my mums favourite perfume reduced from £72.00 to £39.00- I've also tracked these through top cash back, the small amounts add up! I've decided to make my mum a hamper up for Christmas of bits and bobs which will be useful. I'm still thinking what else to put it. So far I have- perfume and a scarf. I'm thinking of getting a box of ferrero rochers (her favourites), a pair of slippers, a nice pair of gloves, maybe a pair of pyjamas and I've also thought about getting one of those lasered photos of her and my dad's wedding photograph (my dad passed away 15 years ago). Any other ideas are greatly welcomed! She doesn't really do the whole bath stuff. I want to treat her because she means the world to me and does a hell of a lot to support me through tough times.

I've a few bits left to buy for the boy and a a couple more for my niece. And then for my 2x friends children and then I'm done.

I need to also nip into a shop and price up something the boy wants that my mum said she'd buy for him.

So lots to do.

I have a hospital appointment this afternoon. It's a review of previous surgeries. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed I don't need further surgery.

I need to find my motivation quickly and start to try and remember things. I've been given a questionnaire to fill in for the assessment with consultant next week- when further reading it's I'm relation to ADHD. I don't know much about it. Quick reading seems to suggest I fit some boundaries of it. Scary times.

I need to rearrange another appointment next week and jot all my appointments down somewhere. I'm losing track because there are so many.

Argh!!!

monz

Good luck! let us know how it goes xx

Chandelier.

So once again it's been a few days since I last updated. It's been rather busy with appointments and goodness knows what else! I don't really know where to start. My moods have been up and down constantly over the past few days and I have a lot of stress at the moment and a lot of fear. It's overcoming them.

After my appointment last week it's been decided that I will have further surgery. It is scheduled for 5 days before Christmas. Hopefully this one should not be as invasive as the last. Fingers crossed. It makes sense to have it done whilst I'm off at the moment.

In relation to work, I shall only be getting SSP from now onwards. This is due to a absence earlier on in the year due to an operation where I exhausted occupational sick pay then (11 weeks off). I've really struggled with this to be honest and it's had me in tears wondering how I'll cope. It's less than a third of my normal wage. As mentioned previously I do have an emergency buffer for situations like this but I hate to see the balance go down. It makes me feel insecure- the idea was that if not required for emergencies when I finally paid off my loan this would go towards a house deposit as well as my help to buy isa fund. However I'm slowly coming round to the idea things may be tight for a month or two. The most important thing isn't my bank balance, it's my health.

I've come to the conclusion 2016 just isn't my year. It's been pretty crap overall in regards to a lot of things however there have been some positives. Here it is in a nutshell:-

- Three operations for the same issue.
- Left one job, started new job after three month gap, then went off sick two months after (current period of sickness).
- My mental health took a serious decline (currently under mental health team, I can't fault them they have been brilliant and my nurse is a wonderful and supportive person).
- Someone from my past reared their ugly head and hurt me somehow all over again- actually it's never stopped hurting (it's definitely time to get closure and move on from that chapter of my life).
- Had some dental work done privately, pricey but worth it (all paid off).
- Withdrawn myself socially and have become a lot more distant, I've lost my zest for life. Thankfully those closest to me are understanding.

The nicer things from this year:-

- We spent a week in London and did lots of sight seeing whilst spending time with close family.
- We had a long weekend in the lakes in a caravan. It was a cheap get away, but it was perfect. I may look at something similar for next year and maybe invite a friend.
- A holiday abroad has been booked with some close friends for 2017. We got a really good deal and I'm counting down the days to this. My best friend is my back bone and I can always rely on her to give me sound advice and keep me going and on the straight and narrow so I'm looking forward to our families spending time together.
- The boy has really enjoyed doing extra curricular activities and has come so far. I may have to cut these down whilst my income drops but he's very understanding for a 6 year old. I've met some lovely people through him doing these.
- My son had a fantastic birthday however next year's will be a smaller affair.
- In regards to my health, both my consultant at the hospital regarding operations and my GP/community mental health team have been fabulous. I won't let this go unrecognised and I shall be writing letters of gratitude once things calm down.

I've had a lot of time to think over the past couple of days and reflect. Things are somehow falling into place and I feel a tad more organised. The next few weeks are going to be very busy. Most of my Christmas shopping is done, it's just a few more things to buy for my mum and a couple of things left for the boy. I shall get these all wrapped and organised. I also need to buy Christmas cards for my nearest and dearest, I like picking these.

I'll update more later on, I need to get a move on.

monz

Remember children think nothing of money but spending time with their mum xx

Chandelier.

I've had my consultant appointment today regarding my mental health. He's come back with bipolar mixed effective states (not sure what that is) and ADHD (unexpected and pretty confused). I've now a new medication regime to adhere to and I know it's going to be tricky.

I'm really exhausted today. I've had two appointments and I think it's just taken it out of me.

I've not had any spends the past couple of days. Things are ticking by.

I need to figure a new plan in regards to my income/outgoings.

That's all for now.

X

Chandelier.

So the payment for my loan has come out this month.. My car loan debt now stands at £8,983.12. I have 45 repayments left to go at the monthly payment of just below £200. I hope to have this at £8900 by the end of the month if possible so it's a nice round figure.

I've woken up feeling very tired this morning and I have a dry mouth. I managed to sleep 11pm-8am which is good for me. My new meds I have to titrate up. I'm very nervous about this. I need to remember to take them though.

I'm back at the hairdressers today to put some more colour throughout my hair. And I have my eyebrow lady coming to attack the slugs above my eyes tonight haha!

I also need to get some birthday cards and Christmas cards for my nearest and dearest. I'll pop into card factory or somewhere. I may also pop in and see my grandad and show my face. It may cheer him up, although he wouldn't admit that.

I'm just keeping myself busy.

I ordered a new bullet journal but ive yet to start it. I need to be clear mentally. That's pretty much it for this morning.