Teenage hormines

mum2one

tea_lover wrote: »

If she wasn't aware of what was going on until they got home, why did she have a word with him while they were still there? That doesn't add up at all.

It was as explained in earlier post - basically he adopted himself on the 1st - he had made romantic gestures - the mum stepped in as he was apparently touchy fealty - so th mum said she's just turned 14 - no boyfriend - no go - she thought he would back off completely - from there he agreed with mum and said she would be like his little sister - they all went out the day after - he had at the time stuck to his word - protective of them both in the local market x

Claire_A87

Sorry OP, but your friend has massively failed her daughter here. He was touchy-feely but then when she had a word he said "oh I'll just treat her like a sister" and your friend believed him?? She should have nipped it in the bud right there and had nothing more to do with him, never mind going to dinner and inviting him round. I can't decide whether she was incredibly naive or just really really stupid.

Anyway, in lieu of her doing the sensible thing whilst away, your friend now needs to get his number blocked off her and her daughter's phones, block him from facebook, and change next year's holiday plans. Seriously, it sounds like she needs some tough love from someone to get her to pull her finger out.

ska_lover

So that deteriorated then

Caroline_a

I know of a woman who allowed her 13 year old daughter to have boyfriends staying overnight in her daughter's bedroom. She claimed he was sleeping on the floor - yeah right. The boyfriends aged from 15 - 18 so in some cases were minors too. The daughter was 13 going on 40 and swapped boyfriends more than I've had hot dinners. The mother saw nothing wrong with it as the daughter would kick up a storm if she didn't get what she wanted. On the surface a nice, middle class family. However, in my eyes the mother was guilty of child abuse.

This situation is different but in many ways is similar. OP, your friend needs to take control of this before it gets totally out of hand.

Robisere

Does the girl have a dad? Is he available, or completely missing? If he is in contact with his ex-partner (?) and his daughter, has he been told about this? Does the daughter have any male figure in her life?

Maybe that's the problem, is she looking for a father figure?

This needs to be stopped, before this girl gets into the kind of situation that ends up splashed across the front pages of every newspaper.

mum2one

Robisere wrote: »

Does the girl have a dad? Is he available, or completely missing? If he is in contact with his ex-partner (?) and his daughter, has he been told about this? Does the daughter have any male figure in her life?

Maybe that's the problem, is she looking for a father figure?

This needs to be stopped, before this girl gets into the kind of situation that ends up splashed across the front pages of every newspaper.

Her dad isn't around he left when she was little he has no contact (his choice) growing up she had the male figure with her grandad and her uncle, mums partner (they don't live together).

I don't even know if I class it as a holiday romance think there's a lot of lessons to be learnt by both mother and daughter.

I will be honest our friendship is strained, maybe it's coz I spoke what I thought.

The mum feels that she was trying to be fair to everyone she didn't want the lad coming between them, hense she was always present, she didn't want the girl getting starry eyes as the entertainer had befriended her and disappearing together ...

I hope that if I was in the same situ I'd handle it differently x

peachyprice

I have to say I find the mother's behaviour very strange indeed.

My daughter is 15, we have been on holiday several times just the two of us, I can tell you now if a 22yo man tried to befriend her I would tell him where to go and actively spend the rest of the holiday avoiding him. The last thing I would do is spend time with him, invite him back to our room or arrange to go back to the same place the following year.

It's all very peculiar, I can't make out from what you have posted whether the mother allowed this to happen because she is frightened of upsetting her daughter by setting reasonable boundaries or whether she herself was flattered by the company of a younger man. Either way it seems that this man has taken advantage of a woman travelling alone with a teenage girl, which really isn't on, and should have been stopped by the responsible adult.

paddy's_mum

mum2one wrote: »

I will be honest our friendship is strained, maybe it's coz I spoke what I thought.

You know that little motto about if you lend someone £20 and then never see them again, it was worth it?

If you have done your best to protect a young girl from her own immaturity and foolishness but then lose the friendship, by heaven mum2one, it was worth it!

Pixie5740

mum2one wrote: »

It was as explained in earlier post - basically he adopted himself on the 1st - he had made romantic gestures - the mum stepped in as he was apparently touchy fealty - so th mum said she's just turned 14 - no boyfriend - no go - she thought he would back off completely - from there he agreed with mum and said she would be like his little sister - they all went out the day after - he had at the time stuck to his word - protective of them both in the local market x

Ok, so the mother didn't know about this kiss and groping until after the holiday. However, I and I'm sure many other parents would have shut this down the moment a man in his 20s started making romantic gestures towards a 14 year old. I would not have continued to dine with him and would have actively avoided him for the rest of the holiday.

Even without the romantic gestures I wouldn't invite a strange man back to the hotel room I share with my children.

Maybe your friend is just naive and I think that you've been right to point this out to your friend.

duchy

So a holiday has already been booked for next year and despite the fact she is "steaming" it hasn't occurred to her to simply change it to another destination ?

Uh ok