Change of plan

dirty_magic

I would think it a bit odd to be honest if he isn't close to them, but that's because I hardly ever cry myself. I wouldn't let it bother me to the point I was dreading the next funeral.

Every time I hear the music we chose for my grandad's funeral it makes me want to cry though!

Bogalot

You never know what is going on in people's own lives.

A few months ago I had to go to a funeral for someone that I didn't particularly like. At the time I was recovering from emergency surgery which was the culmination of some very difficult months. Only my close family knew any of this. And yes, I cried, for the man's family but also for the horrible state I myself was in at the time. Grief and emotional pain is not something you can compartmentalise, and nor should you have to.

duchy

iammumtoone wrote: »

wow some really harsh comments to the OP



I attended a funeral where the family politely requested that people did not cry, It was a young person in tragic circumstances they wanted the memory of the funeral be a dignified occasion. Whilst extremely sad it was an upbeat positive funeral people did cry but not in the service they took themselves out of the church composed themselves and came back in. The family cried of course in the church but kept it dignified I am not sure they would have been able to do that if others around them were wailing.

I know grief does funny things to people but to insist there is a hiarachy of grief and only those closest to the deceased are allowed to cry at the funeral sounds just plain bonkers.

duchy

The last funeral l went to I couldn't have told you who cried and who didn't , I was focused on my thoughts and memories of my dear friend .......what other people were doing wasn't on my radar at all.

Maybe the OP is trying to find something else to focus on rather than the loss of a loved one which is painful though.

iammumtoone

duchy wrote: »

I know grief does funny things to people but to insist there is a hiarachy of grief and only those closest to the deceased are allowed to cry at the funeral sounds just plain bonkers.

They didn't insist they politely requested just as they requested that no one wore black. if anyone cried in the church or attended in black I don't think they would have been thrown out. I understood why the request if everyone else was audibly crying (lots of people shred silent tears including myself, we didn't leave) it would have made the family worse and I think they wanted to remember the day as it was and not miss it as they would have been uncontrollably crying throughout.

esmy

Not sure that I'd want to live in a world where it's not acceptable to cry at a funeral. The last couple I've been at we have also laughed during the service..is this equally unacceptable/undignified??

Andypandyboy

Funerals are not just about the person who has died they are reflective occasions. People also think about their own loved ones who have died or maybe those who are very ill.

How sad to judge an expression of grief or sadness. It has simply never occurred to me that anyone would do this.

Marvel1

My Nan passed away last year, I never cried and even at her funeral I never did either, I'm the complete opposite.

meer53

Is this really an issue ? How many funerals does the OP go to ?

[Deleted User]

On the subject of funerals, what do people think is an appropriate age for attending a funeral? It intrigues me to see 5 or 6 year olds at funerals in TV dramas, but I don't recall seeing children that young at any of the funerals I've been to.