Change of plan

peachyprice

Funerals are not the time to judge people.

SailorSam

I think if the person that has died is close to you, it's only natural that you're going to be more emotional. I don't think i'd be like that when it was just someone that i knew. What i do find over-the-top is when you see crowds of people wailing in other Countries , mainly Asia or Africa, but maybe it's just a culture thing.

Person_one

Funerals are sad occasions, crying is a completely natural response to sadness.

This may be the most depressingly British thread I've ever seen on here.

iammumtoone

wow some really harsh comments to the OP

I agree with the OP and if someone really close to me died and a virtual stranger to that person was blubbering through out the ceremony I am very sorry but I would think "who are they to cry like that when they hardly knew them", unless of course I was wailing myself.

I would never say that to the person in question as I would understand that they certainly weren't doing it on purpose but I do think those that are not 'main' mourners should try what they can to contain themselves to a dignified sniffle. I understand this is easier said than done but the OP said this person in question would not even use a tissue when offered one, just the simple act of crying into a tissue would help with the disturbance.

For those that say people have the right to cry of course they do, but what if everyone took up that right and wailed and sniffled through funerals (even if they hardly knew the person) the minister would struggle to get the ceremonies completed.

I attended a funeral where the family politely requested that people did not cry, It was a young person in tragic circumstances they wanted the memory of the funeral be a dignified occasion. Whilst extremely sad it was an upbeat positive funeral people did cry but not in the service they took themselves out of the church composed themselves and came back in. The family cried of course in the church but kept it dignified I am not sure they would have been able to do that if others around them were wailing.

Pollycat

Eliza wrote: »

I just kind of feel that the rest of the mourners should maybe take their clue from those closest.

Easy to say, not so easy to do.

If you are an emotional person you can't just stop crying simply because the close family aren't displaying grief.

iammumtoone

I think person are missing reading the OP

Of course people cry at funerals it is natural, I have never been to one where nobody has and would find it very odd if I did.

Most people will sniffle and use a hanky to wipe tears/blow nose try to compose themselves be ok for a bit then sniffle again when something sets them off again, it is a natural response.

However the OP is not talking about that behaviour, they are referring to someone refusing to use a tissue and making no attempt to compose themselves (whilst it is not easy to do, most people will at least try if the family are composed).

Person_one

Why should somebody compose themselves though? Why can't we just be comfortable with crying openly? At a funeral of all times and places, if there's anywhere it should be acceptable surely this is it!

Why should people in grief, gathering to mourn, be wasting their energy and distracting their thoughts with trying to appear a certain way? Why can't they just feel what they're feeling?

duchy

Some people cry at the drop of a hat , a sad movie, a sad occasion (or even a happy one) others don't ........Frankly the fact you are more focused on what someone does rather than on the bereavement is a bit odd. Unless they are wailing, beating their breast and disrupting the service then why not focus on your own feelings and leave them to theirs.

Is it by any chance the fact that it's a man crying and if they were female you wouldn't have such a strong reaction ?

You could always be a proper friend and go armed with tissues and just hand them over when they start crying .

iammumtoone

Pollycat wrote: »

Easy to say, not so easy to do.

If you are an emotional person you can't just stop crying simply because the close family aren't displaying grief.

No you can't but you can use a tissue, blow your nose rather than keep sniffing and if its really bad and you are not front row/immediate family/supporting immediate family, move closer to the back.

Pollycat

iammumtoone wrote: »

I think person are missing reading the OP

Of course people cry at funerals it is natural, I have never been to one where nobody has and would find it very odd if I did.

Most people will sniffle and use a hanky to wipe tears/blow nose try to compose themselves be ok for a bit then sniffle again when something sets them off again, it is a natural response.

However the OP is not talking about that behaviour, they are referring to someone refusing to use a tissue and making no attempt to compose themselves (whilst it is not easy to do, most people will at least try if the family are composed).

I don't think I've misread the OP at all.

The OP is talking about behaviour that is really nothing to do with her.
Why shouldnt people be able to attend a funeral and display the amount of grief that they feel is appropriate without being judged?