Change of plan

Eliza_2

Sorry, didn't mean to upset so many, was a genuine question.

ognum

Is this a wind up?

Of course people cry at funerals, many people at funerals are crying for the person who has died but also for their beloved that have died before.

It is not the person that is crying who is in the wrong it is those who criticise.

Let the people cry who want to without comment, people react in many different ways, none are wrong!

Ilona

Eliza wrote: »

The last funeral, a few years ago,

Am I perhaps not respecting his feelings enough? We are going to another funeral soon and I'm dreading it.

Thanks - Eliza

Wow, are you still bothered by someone crying, a few years ago?

Now you are dreading to go to another funeral! If it bothers you that much, sit as far away from the person as possible. Concentrate on the vicars words and the service and totally ignore the snivelling.

It would not bother me at all, I can switch off. People have the right to cry if they are upset.

Ilona

catkins

I am that guy. I cry at anything and everything - films, tv ads, songs.

Also once I start crying I struggle to stop and do the sobbing. The more I try to stop the worse I get.

Obviously I cry at funerals but it doesn't matter if it was someone I knew and was close to or someone I barely knew. Also other people crying start me off.

Quite a few years ago me and OH went to one of his uncle's funerals. OH was not close to him and I had only met him, I think 2 or 3 times. I could not stop sobbing and everyone was looking at me - I am sure they thought I was doing it for attention. The more I tried to control it the worse I got. I cried more than the guy's wife did.

I was very embarrassed but it is something I just don't seem able to control

Eliza_2

Gosh I feel awful now - of course it isn't a wind up.

Eliza_2

catkins wrote: »

I am that guy. I cry at anything and everything - films, tv ads, songs.

Also once I start crying I struggle to stop and do the sobbing. The more I try to stop the worse I get.

Obviously I cry at funerals but it doesn't matter if it was someone I knew and was close to or someone I barely knew. Also other people crying start me off.

Quite a few years ago me and OH went to one of his uncle's funerals. OH was not close to him and I had only met him, I think 2 or 3 times. I could not stop sobbing and everyone was looking at me - I am sure they thought I was doing it for attention. The more I tried to control it the worse I got. I cried more than the guy's wife did.

I was very embarrassed but it is something I just don't seem able to control

Thank you catkins, that's a really helpful answer and helps me to see it from his point of view, he sounds the same as you. The only difference is that I don't think it embarrasses him.

AylesburyDuck

Eliza wrote: »

Gosh I feel awful now - of course it isn't a wind up. However it seems not only am I hard, the other 30 or so people at the funeral were also hard. Though it felt more like dignified respect at the time. Everyone was still desperately sad as it was a relatively young person who had died and who was much loved. But no-one bawled. I once went to a funeral where someone cried loudly (the only one and again, not anyone close) and all the relatives were fussing over her when it should have been them that were getting the loving care.

I just kind of feel that the rest of the mourners should maybe take their clue from those closest.

You cant dicate to people how they should feel! :eek:

AylesburyDuck

Eliza wrote: »

Thank you catkins, that's a really helpful answer and helps me to see it from his point of view, he sounds the same as you. The only difference is that I don't think it embarrasses him.

Neither should it.

Kynthia

People can't often control when they cry. They can try and stop it to a certain extent but there's a point it will happen and someone can't stop it. I think it's very strange to expect a whole room full of mourners to only show as much emotion as those closest as everyone has their own emotions. Not everyone reacts the same way so often those closest don't react the same as each other. Or sometimes they are the most shell-shocked and can't cry yet as are too devestated and will shed tears later in their grieving. Also you don't know what might move someone; a particular poem might resonate, they may feel so sad for the children, they may have just remembered a fond memory, a song may be the same as at their parent's funeral, etc. The point of the funeral is for people to think about the person and be part of the grieving process. Those closest don't own that otherwise why invite others? Not crying doesn't make someone hard and crying doesn't make them attention seeking.

Eliza_2

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

You cant dicate to people how they should feel! :eek:

Of course not.Thank you.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Especially as this person is a friend and not family, how many mutual acquaintances do you have dying that his crying is actually becoming a problem at funerals?

With that said, I can sympathise with you to some extent. Personally I've only been to one funeral but the news of death has been broken on a few occasions to my mother. She would wail, cry uncontrollably and been in an emotional state for about an hour or two.

I always thought it was a little inappropriate when you never even knew the person well and direct family, parents, children etc., were able to control themselves.

She done the same when Michael Jackson died. When I came home to the noise, my heart sank in panic thinking something happened to one of my siblings. It reminds me somewhat of Munchausen syndrome, I think it ultimately comes down to attention seeking.