Unwelcome attention from a male flatmate

GhostBusterDuster

ROFLOL, she really needs to grow up.

She is at university now and can not be running off back to mummy all the time. She better get damn used to be worken up at obscure times that is part and parcel of university life.

Since when was picking someone up and giving them a hug sexual assault?

It really seems to me like the fella was trying to make her feel welcome and at home as moving to university can be quite stressful, he was just probably trying to be her friend (you said he had been there for a while, so he must have a circle of friends that he wanted to introduce her too). It sounds like your daughter is going to have a lonely/miserable time at university as she seems to percieve any social interaction with men like that.

Thea's_Mummy

I am sure that at 22, Torby's daughter has enough experience to judge for herself whether or not she felt threatened. She obviously did, hence the 4am phonecall. And as for the comment about "running to Mummy", I hope that my children will always come to me and their Dad with any problems, that's what we're here for. Natrually we want them to be independent and able to cope with life's problems, but we are always here to advise and help when required....... that's what parents do !

bestpud

GhostBusterDuster wrote: »

ROFLOL, she really needs to grow up.

She is at university now and can not be running off back to mummy all the time. She better get damn used to be worken up at obscure times that is part and parcel of university life.

Since when was picking someone up and giving them a hug sexual assault?

It really seems to me like the fella was trying to make her feel welcome and at home as moving to university can be quite stressful, he was just probably trying to be her friend (you said he had been there for a while, so he must have a circle of friends that he wanted to introduce her too). It sounds like your daughter is going to have a lonely/miserable time at university as she seems to percieve any social interaction with men like that.

What a useful post!

I'm sure any uni student who has experienced hall living will be aware of the noise etc but having a stranger try and ge into your room at 4am after picking you up and asking if you are a naughty girl is not in that category!

Perhaps the OP's daughter didn't want to meet his friends (if he has any)? She has friends of her own (she's a post grad, not a fresher). Why would she want to socialise with someone who makes her feel uncomfortable? Hugging and asking lewd questions is not the best way to make friends with the opposite sex!! I feel it may be him who is/will be lonely if he doesn't brush up his social skills. Let's face it, most people do not act like that!!!

Btw, she didn't run back to mummy either!

I imagine she wanted to contact someone as she felt uncomfortable and wanted to ask advice on what is quite an unusual situation after all. She wasn't to know he'd go away - there could have been a very real threat for all she knew and when you are just the other side of a door, texting someone you trust is a better option than talking on a phone or getting into a confrontation with the guy - don't you think? At 4am (not a normal time to be knocking on someone's door!) contact options are a bit limited and she was obviously going to choose someone she can trust and who will try and help if they can!

Now if she packed her stuff up and went home, never to return to that awful place again - that would be running back to mummy!

Voyager2002

I do not think there can be any doubt that the man's behaviour was inappropriate. Daughter needs to sit down with him and explain calmly that she does not appreciate this kind of treatment, and say very clearly that if anything similar happens again she will seek the advice of the university's anti-harassment officer.

OTOH his fiancee's behaviour is more reasonable. I have suffered enough from inconsiderate students who leave shared kitchens messy, and there is nothing wrong with saying clearly that certain kinds of behaviour are likely to upset me.

GhostBusterDuster

Even if she is a post grad she could be at a brand new university - if not then why go in halls, everyone rents a house with their friends. If she has no friends then she needs to look at herself in the mirror and ask why.

Total over reaction to me. It sounds like the fella didn't try to get in her room - he just knocked on her door (when he was drunk, just coming in from a club) and asked to see if she wanted a drink.

I do not see what the big deal is - everyone he is claiming some kind of rapist. Is it a race thing?

GhostBusterDuster

Anyway to answer the question. She say something like, "I do not appreciated being woke up by you at 4 in the morning don't do it again. Please don't try to hug me and pick me up (or touch me for that matter) as I do not like the colour of your skin. I also do not liked being asked if I am naughty*. In fact can you stay away from me, I realise that this will create an awkward atmosphere in our corridor and I will spend the rest of the year too nervous to go in to the kitchen and will wait until you go out before I have my meals - but you showing intrest in me has made me call my mother for advice. I am going to report you to my tutor at university incase you rape (as I have heard that is what everyone in your country does)."


We don't even know what context that was in.

Mojisola

GhostBusterDuster - I don't know what to make of your thread. It comes over as racist and rude.

bestpud

GhostBusterDuster wrote: »

Anyway to answer the question. She say something like, "I do not appreciated being woke up by you at 4 in the morning don't do it again. Please don't try to hug me and pick me up (or touch me for that matter) as I do not like the colour of your skin. I also do not liked being asked if I am naughty*. In fact can you stay away from me, I realise that this will create an awkward atmosphere in our corridor and I will spend the rest of the year too nervous to go in to the kitchen and will wait until you go out before I have my meals - but you showing intrest in me has made me call my mother for advice. I am going to report you to my tutor at university incase you rape (as I have heard that is what everyone in your country does)."


We don't even know what context that was in.

FWIW, I don't agree with Pinkshoes, but I can at least see where she is coming from!

You posts the other hand, make no sense imho!!! If you want to contribute your opinion then do so but don't do that by inventing a race issue!!! That will just make other posters think you are out to cause trouble.

There is some relevence in suggesting a possible cultural difference because the OP was asking for advice and that is somethig to consider. It still isn't acceptable but if it were a cultural misunderstanding then it is obviously different from a deliberate attempt to intimidate. Other than that, most posts (there is an exception) have been based on the actual behaviour and not the ethnic origin of either of them!

danielle24

knowledgeman wrote: »

Yes because asking a young woman you've just met if shes "a naughty girl" is just that

I think not

Im using my experience here and stating I believe hes yet another asian pervert who thinks sexual assault is ok

That's disgusting - anyone can be a pervert regardless of race (I've met my fair share of white guys who are!) and I am not sure mentioning his background at the start was really called for.

bestpud

GhostBusterDuster wrote: »

Even if she is a post grad she could be at a brand new university - if not then why go in halls, everyone rents a house with their friends. If she has no friends then she needs to look at herself in the mirror and ask why.

I really cant see how it is at all relevent whether or not she has friends or why she is in student accomodation? It is the guy's behaviour which is odd, not the accomodation!

Total over reaction to me. It sounds like the fella didn't try to get in her room - he just knocked on her door (when he was drunk, just coming in from a club) and asked to see if she wanted a drink.

And that is acceptable is it? That alone may not have caused concern as I guess it is something that happens but you have to consider it in relation to his other actions. Most people simply would NOT act in that way on first meeting someone and certainly not when it is someone of the oppostite sex!!!

I do not see what the big deal is - everyone he is claiming some kind of rapist. Is it a race thing?

No one has said he is a rapist! Please read the thread properly! What people have said is that his behaviour is unusual and he needs to be made aware of that. Also, it is not known why he is behaving like that and if it is because he has some problem wit women or just doesn't know when to stop, then there is a possibility (however small) that he could go on to commit worse offences.

It could be perfectly innocent however and that is why people have suggested bringing it to the attention of the welfare advisor (who will obviously treat it in confidence) rather than ringing the police and demanding to have him arrested!!!