Unwelcome attention from a male flatmate

Torby

Posting here as I know a lot of students (and parents)read this.

My daughter has moved into halls about 10 days ago, on moving in she met the couple who have lived in the flat for some time (years I think). They are post grads like her but are from an Asian country and appear to have been living there as opposed to going home in the summer etc.

On nearly the first meeting, the male asked my daughter was she a "naughty girl"...this embarrassed her as she wasn't sure what was meant, "perhaps a difficulty in translation" she thought.

The next occasion, he put his arms around my daughter and picked her up and squeezed her and shook her.

Last night he apparantly knocked on her door at 4.00am , when she sent a very frightened text to us and my wife phoned her.

Any suggestions as to what course of action should be taken...unfortunately my wife disagrees with the plan I have (involves grabbing by the throat and shaking!)

All my daughter needs is to be sharing a flat in halls with this sort of distraction and worry...just one more thing...his girlfriend he shares the double room with, while also studying post grad, appears to work in the reception office at these halls and has already indicated to my daughter, that as she has lived in this flat for some time, its her home and has more or less laid down the law as regards, whetther she can cook in the kitchen, she must wash up immediately, if she has friends round they must be quiet and only a certain number etc...

Bit of an awkward situation as you can see

thanks for anyone who can offer help (not my brand of help though !)

Torby

scottishlass

There should be some sort of warden ( they probably aren't called that thought) who should be a member of staff in charge of the students welfare in that particular flat. If there is I would give them a ring and explain the situation.

If that doesn't work or they don't exist then I would get on to the accommodation office and inform them of the situation - it may be that this has happened before and I suppose their is the possibility that the last student moved out - maybe this is what they want so that they can have the flat to themselves?

StefanM

I'd suggest talking to her personal tutor at the university. Somewhat roundabout method but they are there to help.

Talk to the university administration rather than to the trogs on the front desks. You'll get things sorted quicker. You need to look in to a transfer soon, at the beginning of university terms is by far the easiest time to switch people around, so if you're told it's not possible, you're being lied to.

NickiM

Sorry to hear about this, must be very unsettling Hope it gets sorted soon - contact everyone you can, and I am sure, if necessary, a room change can be made

jo132000

Yeah within the first few weeks is the best time, as some people decide uni isn't for them and drop out leaving rooms free, some uni's like mine charge £25 admin fees for room changes for at the end of the day it's worth it for piece of mind...

busiscoming2

Hi
I agree with the others about going to the student support or accom office. Apart from this couple and your daughter is there anyone else in the flat? It sounds to me as though it could be a ploy to rid themselves of other tenenats so they can have the flat to themselves! Either way I'd want my child out! Good Luck

siber

Speaking as a Postgrad student myself, I'd recommend that she approach her Students' Union. They should have an advice/counseling service that will have a hotline to university staff that can get this sorted pronto! They are also removed from the university and therefore more impartial, and experienced in dealing with situations such as this.

If this is a case of harassment or assault, the university in question shouldn't hang about - the last thing they want is a serious incident to occur. Try to speak to the university's accommodation manager, usually not available on-site, but in one of the admin buildings.

If they try to charge you for moving your daughter, moan loudly, but if they persevere, pay while continuing to disagree and then complain for a refund later.

Finally, if all else fails, get the police involved! Your daughter's safety and wellbeing is paramount.

sarah84

She definately needs to talk to someone who holds authority over the halls and lodgers-if nothing else to let the couple know that she will not tolerate the way they are acting.
It doesn't matter how long they have lived there or where the woman works, she has no right to tell your daughter what she can/can't do, and your daughter has as much right to be there as they do.

marleyboy

Im with you OP, if the Hall monitors or officals dont get anywhere, I will gladly hold your coat

Thea's_Mummy

Our daughter is 400 miles away but if that happened to her my hubby and I would be up there in an instant. I'm not one to promote violence, but when it comes to my children's safety my view is somewhat different !
Unfortunately nowadays many in "authority" are far too PC and you may not get anywhere by complaining. I hope that you manage to resolve the situation quickly, it must be awful for you and your daughter.

Torby

Thanks to everyone who posted, other flatmates have moved in so the balance is now 4 to 1 (I count the awkward couple in one room as one...strangely enough the guy is supposed to be the partner of the girl, fiancee or whatever), as luck would have it, my daughter is already friends of one of the girls and a lad that has moved in is from just up the road (literally) from her/our home.

Democracy rules now, safety in numbers as well....lol

once again thanks to everyone who posted and supported

Torby