Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do?

happyinflorida

I hate evening invitations.

I enjoy weddings and seeing the happy couple get married, I don't want to go to an evening do.

So give less money as they've only given you a horrible evening invitation!

ska_lover

happyinflorida wrote: »

I hate evening invitations.

I enjoy weddings and seeing the happy couple get married, I don't want to go to an evening do.

So give less money as they've only given you a horrible evening invitation!

I don't think it's horrible to give someone an evening invitation as many people have budgets - it is understandable . It is natural that some people will be closer and better friends than others.



However as a matter of cost or venue size , as many of us have to make these decisions and a line must be drawn somewhere, as it is the bride and grooms money that is being spent.


If I am being honest, ''chipping in together'' is often a cheaper way of a group getting a gift, as you can each put a tenner in - whereas on your own, a tenner would buy nothing much

Nick_C

I enjoy receiving hospitality, but I also want to return it. If I am invited to a wedding, knowing that my hosts will be spending at least £50 wining or dining me, I will factor that in to the value of the gift I give them, and give something significantly more than that in return.

If I was invited to the evening and not the wedding breakfast, I would certainly give less.

BarryBlue

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I find evening only invitations incredibly offensive and rude. I refuse to go just to the evening bit. If Im not a good enough friend to be invited to the ceremony the Im not going to turn up to make up the numbers in the evening. Save yourself money and worry and be otherwise engaged that evening.

I absolutely agree with this. If you are invited to the evening only, you are on some sort of 'B' list. (Some of these do sometimes get upgraded if A-listers decline, of course.) I have no desire to attend the wedding of someone who is not that close, so we routinely decline any evening invitations. We do not send a gift, just a card wishing them well. That is all that is required.

Having said that, I'm not keen on weddings anyway. The day always seems to go on forever, with lots of sitting around waiting for something to happen, and often with dodgy catering. We do not automatically attend every invitation unless there is a good reason to go.

silvercar

If I was organising a group present I would expect that everyone who wants to join the group to give the same agreed amount. If people want to gift a different amount then they can give independently or as part of another group.

It upsets too many people (including other givers) if some people give more and some less.

Robisere

Some years ago, one of my wife's relatives married for the second time in their 60's. We had a full invitation to both the church and reception as we had become very close to the couple over the years. They knew that, at the time, we were struggling, although my new printing business had begun to take off.

Instead of a gift, they asked me to design and print the Invitations and Place Cards, as a gift. I took a lot of time and effort to design these and was pleased when everyone commented upon the results. I actually received quite a lot of business as a result, so I also designed and printed some brochures and business stationery for the groom as President of his Classic Car Club, for free, as a thank you.

Lily-Rose_3

Sorry to sound dumb, but should the bride and groom expect anything from people who are not invited to the actual wedding? But only the night do? I think a card would be in order, but a gift?

I have only ever been invited to weddings and not just the evening do, and everyone who came to our ceremony came to the celebration later on too, so I'm not clued up on the etiquette. So don't jump on me LOL.

Plus, I got married almost 3 decades ago, so things may be different now.

aquarius02

Are you for real??!! Of course you should pay the same as everyone else. Do you value your friends according to how much of their wedding celebrations you are invited to? Couples obviously can't afford to invite everyone to the whole wedding, and the fact that you even ask this question shows what sort of friend you really are.

tallgirld

Do what you can afford and are happy with!!

YORKSHIRE_GUY

When groups organise things like this, it is often an agreed amount rather than a blind contribution, so the put in as much or little as you like suggestions might be difficult.