Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do?

Tropically

When someone invites you only to the evening reception, they have 'tiered' you. They have gone through the list and decided that these people are first tier (wedding), these people are second tier (wedding breakfast), these people are third tier (evening reception). I think it's only reasonable to tier your present when the bridge/groom have so clearly decided that you are a third-tier friend.

elizabethhull

Tropically wrote: »

When someone invites you only to the evening reception, they have 'tiered' you. They have gone through the list and decided that these people are first tier (wedding), these people are second tier (wedding breakfast), these people are third tier (evening reception). I think it's only reasonable to tier your present when the bridge/groom have so clearly decided that you are a third-tier friend.

And so ? Obviously you can't be everyone's best friend. How about just being delighted you were thought of at all ?
Some of the respondents to the OP are really self-centred. You do know it's not about you, it's about the happy couple. So you are invited to share in someone's happy day, you get fed (in my experience very nicely), and all you have to do is turn up & not get bladdered. If you would have to stay overnight to attend an evening do, generally you decline with thanks and send a card.

I really don't see why so many people are offended at not being so close as to be invited to the often exorbitantly expensive wedding breakfast, reserved for family and very close friends.

.Gigolo_Aunt

Buy your own present. Saves all the arguments.

Lily-Rose_3

elizabethhull wrote: »

And so ? Obviously you can't be everyone's best friend. How about just being delighted you were thought of at all ?
Some of the respondents to the OP are really self-centred. You do know it's not about you, it's about the happy couple. So you are invited to share in someone's happy day, you get fed (in my experience very nicely), and all you have to do is turn up & not get bladdered. If you would have to stay overnight to attend an evening do, generally you decline with thanks and send a card.

I really don't see why so many people are offended at not being so close as to be invited to the often exorbitantly expensive wedding breakfast, reserved for family and very close friends.

You don't have to 'see' why people are offended. All you have to 'see' is that people have different views to you and that some people will be irked at only being invited to the evening do.

So if you do invite people to that only, (especially if it's relatives or so called friends that weren't good enough to be invited to the actual wedding,) then don't be surprised or offended if they decline. I certainly would, as I would have no interest in attending a post wedding night do, where I would be spending a small fortune on taxis, exorbitantly priced drinks at the bar, and a present for the married couple - along with potentially an outfit for the occasion, babysitting, and a hotel bill. All for the pleasure of getting a few soggy egg butties and some stale crisps, and spending the night in the company of a 100+ people who I don't know.

And as I said earlier, as well as not attending, I would most certainly not be getting the couple a present - and I would not be contributing to one either.

ska_lover

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I find evening only invitations incredibly offensive and rude. I refuse to go just to the evening bit. If Im not a good enough friend to be invited to the ceremony the Im not going to turn up to make up the numbers in the evening. Save yourself money and worry and be otherwise engaged that evening.

One day you will realise that the planet is orbiting the sun, not you.

Gloomendoom

happyinflorida wrote: »

I hate evening invitations.

I enjoy weddings and seeing the happy couple get married, I don't want to go to an evening do

You are legally entitled to attend the wedding ceremony. You don't need an invitation.

Lily-Rose_3

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You are legally entitled to attend the wedding ceremony. You don't need an invitation.

True. But who would turn up to a wedding they weren't invited to?

It would make them look a bit desperate.

Another thing is, if the wedding is at a private function place (like a hotel or something,) can just anyone turn up then? I know anyone can turn up at a register office or Church, but surely not at a somewhere privately rented?

Gloomendoom

Lily-Rose wrote: »

True. But who would turn up to a wedding they weren't invited to?

It would make them look a bit desperate.

I suppose that depends on how your mind works.

We had at least two people turn up to our wedding that hadn't been sent invitations. They were old friends of my wife's family who remembered her as a little girl.

I doubt anybody regarded them as a bit desperate. We took it as a compliment that they had bothered to make the effort.

exiled_red

For me it depends on the arrangement with the other givers, have you all decided on a present and are all contributing equally or is everyone just putting money into a pot and you are buying whatever the money buys. If everyone else has agreed to pay the same amount you should consider giving something on your own, if not just go with the joint gift and put in what you feel is appropriate.

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

Use rule of BoP.

If I like the person, put a fiver in the envelope.

If I don't like the person, put a fiver in the envelope and take a tenner out!

That should put the cat amongst the pigeons!