The Talk! Uni parents.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

No but neither are 16 year olds.

But, in terms of sex, they are at least legal.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But, in terms of sex, they are at least legal.

Granted, but is there anything wrong with teenagers exploring physical relationships?

Often we say age is but a number, sex is coveted by many an 'adult' on a Friday night looking for a hook up, but two teens who are consenting to experiment and experience are looked down upon.

The police show common sense in such cases, why can't everyone else

ska_lover

Guest101 wrote: »

Granted, but is there anything wrong with teenagers exploring physical relationships?

I struggle to understand why anyone would ask this. I wonder how you would feel if you had a 13 year old who was sleeping around? Unconcerned?

OP, I think you have missed the boat on this

lobbyludd

good grief this is a peculiar discussion, have we time-slipped? I am 44 and did not need any sort of "talk" when I was off to university, as an adult of 18.... other than basic safety tips and some budgeting tips - and it was better to get those from the university and my adult peers than my parents whose own university experience was 25 years prior to mine - times had changed e.g. they had no idea about people spiking drinks with anything more dangerous than a double vodka etc, etc.

a - "no matter what trouble you get in/happens you have a safe non-judgemental haven here with us" - statement would have been invaluable though.

however, to address a different point - having access to sexual healthcare, and contraceptives does not make young people start having sex, quite the opposite in fact - it's not a pressure or a green light. I have been very boringly taking to my kids about sex since i can remember. At 13 they get a bumper pack of condoms, which they do with what they please - hopefully this is before they need them, but 13 year olds have always had consensual and non consensual sex - they need access to condoms, the morning after pill and healthcare advice and non-judgemental support.

baby_lemonade

lobbyludd wrote: »

good grief this is a peculiar discussion, have we time-slipped? I am 44 and did not need any sort of "talk" when I was off to university, as an adult of 18.... other than basic safety tips and some budgeting tips - and it was better to get those from the university and my adult peers than my parents whose own university experience was 25 years prior to mine - times had changed e.g. they had no idea about people spiking drinks with anything more dangerous than a double vodka etc, etc.

To make a serious point, sexual assault is much more of a problem on university campuses now than it was in our day, so if I was going to give any kind of pep talk it would be to boys, about the need for respecting other people, and for consent being the minimum (not the maximum) you should be after.

Access to the internet has given kids a pretty warped idea of what sex and relationships should be like.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

Granted, but is there anything wrong with teenagers exploring physical relationships?

Often we say age is but a number, sex is coveted by many an 'adult' on a Friday night looking for a hook up, but two teens who are consenting to experiment and experience are looked down upon.

The police show common sense in such cases, why can't everyone else

I wouldn't call that common sense, I don't think law breaking should ever be condoned. Turning a blind eye to underage sexual activity by children of a similar age just blurs the boundaries of what is acceptable and leaves young girls in particul more open to things like grooming by older teens and adults.

After all, the law is in place to protect children.

lobbyludd

baby_lemonade wrote: »

To make a serious point, sexual assault is much more of a problem on university campuses now than it was in our day, so if I was going to give any kind of pep talk it would be to boys, about the need for respecting other people, and for consent being the minimum (not the maximum) you should be after.

Access to the internet has given kids a pretty warped idea of what sex and relationships should be like.

Absolutely - but way before 18, starts with age-appropriately discouraging toddlers from forcing cuddles on other peers when they are younger right the way up to full sexual relationships and what a sexual relationship entails - how it works, (plus the fact that they don't have to give aunty a kiss just because she wants one. with age appropriate responses obviously). I'm not sure the internet makes it worse, sexual assault was pretty common on campus, when I was younger, but we didn't report it so much. My halls didn't put any women on the ground floor because so many break-in rapes had occurred the year before, and date-rape was just beginning to be recognised as a thing that wasn't ok - ideas were pretty warped for a lot young men back then too - i remember when a mutual acquaintance had been drugged and raped a male friend of hers saying she must have been up for it because she was the "hall bike" and had had consensual sex with lots of men - only "nice girls" could be raped or say no to sex apparently. He was never quite clear why after having consensual sex with all these men she then decided to pretend she hadn't consented with this one - and the drug evidence came later. But attitudes were often pretty appalling amongst my peers, so I'm not sure internet !!!!!! is to blame - but anyhoo, I embarrass my teenage boy by talking about !!!!!! and how ridiculous it is anyway.

fizz

baby_lemonade wrote: »

To make a serious point, sexual assault is much more of a problem on university campuses now than it was in our day, so if I was going to give any kind of pep talk it would be to boys, about the need for respecting other people, and for consent being the minimum (not the maximum) you should be after.

Access to the internet has given kids a pretty warped idea of what sex and relationships should be like.

Sexual assaults cannot be quantified as every generation has different markers according to the Legislation and the 'Police Culture' at the time.

However, this Generation is the most informed...about everything that the previous generation wasn't. But if you send your child away for 3/4 years and they aren't prepared-then you have failed as a parent.

fizz.x

baby_lemonade

fizz wrote: »

Sexual assaults cannot be quantified as every generation has different markers according to the Legislation and the 'Police Culture' at the time.

However, this Generation is the most informed...about everything that the previous generation wasn't. But if you send your child away for 3/4 years and they aren't prepared-then you have failed as a parent.

fizz.x

They have access to all kinds of information.. and all kinds of misinformation. Such is the internet.

Guest101

ska_lover wrote: »

I struggle to understand why anyone would ask this. I wonder how you would feel if you had a 13 year old who was sleeping around? Unconcerned?

OP, I think you have missed the boat on this

Why would that be 'sleeping around'??!!