The Talk! Uni parents.

susancs

OldMotherTucker wrote: »

Naive is probably the wrong word - but she's never gone out with a boy/been kissed! We've always talked about stuff anyway (and she has Big Bruv and Bossy Sis to keep her in check:rotfl:) I've never felt need to sit down and be serious.

It's the alcohol side I'm more worried about - she's not a drinker at all!!

I messaged her last night mentioning the programme and asked if she was 'cool';)

The response I got was:-

Bloody hell Mum!
And stop watching This Morning - it's Sh1t3!


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Lol, sounds as if she is a normal uni student. DD went to uni last year and had her jabs, c.v. etc sorted out but as she was just 18 and got free prescriptions until 19, she did not do the free NHS precriptions form, so that only got done a few weeks ago.

Newly_retired

My granddaughters go to an all-girls school, and their young lives revolve around school, sport and ponies. They are undoubtedly naive. Their mum has spoken about topics appropriate to their age, but is not sure about e.g How to talk about the risks of unprotected sex when they are legally too young to have sex, without giving them the idea that they should be having sex.

I agree that they need to know before they go to uni, and before "anything happens" and that it is best to find out from parents, not from playground gossip and myths. Not easy to know when.

Guest101

Newly_retired wrote: »

My granddaughters go to an all-girls school, and their young lives revolve around school, sport and ponies. They are undoubtedly naive. Their mum has spoken about topics appropriate to their age, but is not sure about e.g How to talk about the risks of unprotected sex when they are legally too young to have sex, without giving them the idea that they should be having sex.

I agree that they need to know before they go to uni, and before "anything happens" and that it is best to find out from parents, not from playground gossip and myths. Not easy to know when.

I'd suggest the best approach would be to ask the what they knew, then fill in the blanks.

The age of consent is a common issue. Can't lower it without basically having children groomed, but raising it seems very draconian.

Ultimately the police seem to take a pragmatic view on teenagers exploring their physicality.

troubleinparadise

A friend of mine is a practice nurse at a university-linked doctors' surgery, and she finds it difficult to believe the number of girls who arrive to see her, not realising they are pregnant... And not using contraception, or just asking for the morning-after pill, but then not following up with regular contraception. So we are talking about the better educated sector here, not those who might have missed out for other reasons.

I think it's incredibly sad given that the introduction of the contraceptive pill back in the late 60s/early 70s gave women the opportunity to take charge of their lives and plan children - such a gift, especially given the shame of a pregnancy out of wedlock in those days! But seemingly not appreciated by too many young girls these days...

System

The thing with contraception its a forward thinking planning. I didnt plan to have sex when i had sex for the first time. He should have had more sense though as he was 6 years older than me.

The only form of 'contraception' in my head was the thought i'd be ok as i'd just finished my period. Seems crazy when i come to think of it but i'd had very little sex education and my parents werent approachable.

I could so easily have got pregnant.

Guest101

troubleinparadise wrote: »

A friend of mine is a practice nurse at a university-linked doctors' surgery, and she finds it difficult to believe the number of girls who arrive to see her, not realising they are pregnant... And not using contraception, or just asking for the morning-after pill, but then not following up with regular contraception. So we are talking about the better educated sector here, not those who might have missed out for other reasons.

I think it's incredibly sad given that the introduction of the contraceptive pill back in the late 60s/early 70s gave women the opportunity to take charge of their lives and plan children - such a gift, especially given the shame of a pregnancy out of wedlock in those days! But seemingly not appreciated by too many young girls these days...

Just to put this into context, my local university (of 2, but I don't want to do extra maths) has 13,000 students.


A conservative half are female (it's actually higher), discounting a minority for LGBT, 6,000 would be a respectable estimate for heterosexual female students.


Discounting totally 'repeat offenders', it seems unlikely that the percentage is actually that high, that your friend sees. You didn't give a number, but I doubt less than 10 a week would be 'shocking', that's 2 a day which seems likely from my own experiences (both at uni and working in healthcare now), lets go with 20 a week, that's 500 in an academic year, which is approx. 8% of the total heterosexual female populace.


I'm just saying its hardly an epidemic

Out,_Vile_Jelly

There is a big range in maturity amongst 18 year olds. Being academically clever is definitely not the same as being sensible.

My two main pieces of advice for someone off to uni would be:

-you don't have to have sex with the first specimen that offers themselves to you (many of my friends were in a hurry to lose their virginity, and it's not a nice memory)
-join a club, any club (I really regret not doing this)

This Morning was essential student viewing back in my day; glad to hear it's still lame!

Caroline_a

Newly_retired wrote: »

My granddaughters go to an all-girls school, and their young lives revolve around school, sport and ponies. They are undoubtedly naive.

Unless they are only 12 I think this is highly unlikely. I went to an all-girls school back in the Dark Ages and our conversation at school tended to revolve round boys, etc. We used to be able to switch from naive schoolgirls once we walked out of the front door at home.... and I don't think this was unusual then, and certainly with more information, social media, etc isn't unusual now!

fairy_lights

I had a school friend who returned home from her first term at uni to discover that her parents had replaced her old single bed with a double, because she'd be needing one for all the sex she would be having with boys she brought home for the holidays.
If it was possible to die from mortification, she would have been a goner.

TBagpuss

I agree that I would expect an 18 year old to be aware but that's not to say that you can't have a conversaton with in, not abou the mechanics but also about practicalities.

I think you can approach it as "I'm sure that you know this but I'm your parentsand I worry - it would reassure me to know that you know" and then talk biely bout consnet, risk etc. And perhaps to say, out loud and in as many words that our primary concern is her safety and wellbeing, andthat she can call you at any time and you will come to get her / support her, that you will not judge or blame her if something happens and she was drunk / high / whatever, and that you wwill be there if she ever needs help, support or advise, and also that there is literally nothing that she might need to talk about that the university support services / loval GP won't have heard before.

You can also tell her that while you hope she'll live within her budget you hope she'd talk to youi if she is struggling finacially , before getting into debt (you might be able to offer advice at that stage even if you can't bail her out)

Also tell her (in case she doesn't know) that contraceptives don't 9normally) incur prescription charges and that the srudent union may well have (or know where you can get) free condoms, and that it is better to be safe than sorry.