How can I help my 40yo daughter?

MrsKnotty

I totally understand how you feel. I have a similar problem with my daughter. She was doing ok until a few years ago. Though she wasn't the best at budgeting she managed and paid the mortgage. Then she got into debt and stopped paying the mortgage. I tried to get her to talk but she wouldn't. Trouble is it is a joint mortgage so if it is not paid it blackens my name and credit. She is thousands it debt. She wouldn't tell me. It took months to get her to talk to me, and I still don't know if she has told all. So I have taken a loan to pay it off. It was the only way out as she was in a spiral. In debt so interest was increasing the debt. Cannot take loan to pay the debts due to her credit rating scores. So now she pays the mortgage and I pay the loan which means I have some money left every month instead of none which happened when I paid the mortgage. I have told her that this is it, there is nothing more as I am on a strict budget. She has no car as no funds available to repair hers unless she saves for it. It is a pain as she borrows mine when she needs to use one. But I cannot give in. Next stage is how do I help her to learn to budget again. Any ideas. She is hard work but I need to help her. Anyhow that is my story not yours. But I wanted you to know you are not alone. It is hard not to help your children. And hard when you have none to talk to about it. It is only since her stepdad died she have had problems and I know she misses him.

MrsKnotty

Oh and no I wouldn't lend her the money for a car if I where you.

alittlemadam

the answer is simple she is old enough to fed for her herself so No. she needs to learn the true value of money and live within her means.


I am 42, am mortgage free, with no debt so it can be done

Mal25

If she is asking you for a loan then you are entitled to ask her what her repayment plan is and whether she can actually afford it. What is she going to cut back on in order to repay you? I suspect she sees it as a gift rather than a loan so, unless you're able to afford the inevitable non-payment, I wouldn't give her the loan. Even if you can afford it if she doesn't repay I don't see you're doing her any favours - she has a bit of learning to do about the value of money by the sound of it.

LabRatty

Hi, I sympathize with your dilemma but I think it becomes simpler if you take a very long term view. The ultimate job of a parent is to work at making sure their child/children are totally independent by the time the parent dies. Bereavement is hard enough to cope with emotionally without leaving behind a son/daughter with additional avoidable dependency. If you look at things with this perspective the long term gain is clearer even if the short term pain is still hard work.
Sobering but true - it certainly motivates me.
LR

ollyshaw

lessonlearned wrote: »

She 40. She needs to get serious.

I doubt I'll have my mortgage paid off before 40 (lottery?). She seems to be doing well financially.

Woodie1000

Nah! She's taking advantage of you now and a car isn't a necessity!

madkentdragon

I'm sorry, but I've been through this and until my kids can save up half towards something, I won't be the ever open hand. A friend told me that I must have "MUG" stamped on my forehead:(:(:(