How can I help my 40yo daughter?

mirko

AllyMac wrote: »

I'm glad that worked for him, but I'm utterly lost as to what is swearing about a "You Fund" ��

Enough money in your bank that means you can tell your manager to foxtrot oscar and quit your job, without worrying too much about the consequences.

I guess..

lessonlearned

AllyMac wrote: »

I'm glad that worked for him, but I'm utterly lost as to what is swearing about a "You Fund" ��

I didn't swear but for some obscure reason the moderators took exception to my using the letter "f" followed by three dots.

Censorship gone mad.

lessonlearned

mirko wrote: »

Enough money in your bank that means you can tell your manager to foxtrot oscar and quit your job, without worrying too much about the consequences.

I guess..

Exactly this......just to have an emergency fund as a cushion.

For some reason the term I used resonated better with my son.......and, as it turned out, a lot of both his and his brothers workmates and colleagues - than the term "emergency fund".

Which is another reason why I am surprised at the moderators being so prissy.......I was passing on a piece of information that might help others.

It made them laugh but it also made them stop and think. Far more successful than droning on about not overspending and the need to have savings.

Short, sharp and to the point and of course using humour, which always seems to work better than any earnest po faced lecture. Make someone laugh and you have their attention. Rabbit on and you lose them. You can see their eyes glaze over......

At least that how it works for my son.

My colourful expression worked far better than I could have imagined - perhaps because of its rarity value. I don't normally go around using four letter words......I think I just shocked him.

I am pleased to say that my son is now a changed man and, according to the guy who approached me at my eldest son's wedding to thank me, apparently it worked with his kids too.

mirko

lessonlearned wrote: »

My colourful expression worked far better than I could have imagined - perhaps because of its rarity value. I don't normally go around using four letter words......I think I just shocked him.

This is exactly how swearing should be used. If you use it all of the time it loses its impact and value. Used sparingly swear words can be useful tools.

I doubt it was a moderator changing your post, just something automatic that happens when you post, stops people getting abused on the forum.

enthusiasticsaver

I have grown up daughters and have helped them with house deposits and gave my second hand car to one and helped my other daughter purchase a car soon after having her baby when her 3 door hatch was clearly too small so I understand where you are coming from re helping your daughter. However mine do budget and live within their means and have never asked for money or a loan so I have willingly gifted it.

I think the circumstances are different with your daughter as although you probably do not know the full circumstances of family income etc you can obviously see that in your eyes she is wasting money on designer outfits for kids and constant meals out and takeaways rather than living in budget. You would feel quite entitled to say no considering you saved them £400 per month by paying off their mortgage. If it was my daughter and I had used a lump sum to pay off their mortgage I would be inclined to say no, you have already used a chunk of savings and has she not got spare money from having no mortgage? Alternatively suggests she saves for half of it and you will match her savings by loaning her the other half. What amount is she looking to spend on the car.

I helped my daughters to budget by showing them my monthly budget spreadsheet. My elder daughter now uses YNAB which I can't get on with and am too mean to pay for but my younger daughter uses excel spreadsheets too. She tries not to use credit cards too but tells her husband when all fun money has gone and says they have to wait until following month to buy bits for their baby, etc etc. Mind you they buy baby clothes from primark, sainsburys, asda and matalan so not designer stuff. Was your daughter good with money as a child/young teen?

kuepper

Money_saving_maniac wrote: »

If she wants to you can teach her how to. There are lots of tools available.
Plus you obviously know how to do it for yourself?

Well I'm afraid I can't teach her how to budget, I've never done it myself and my financial stability only came about by fate really. I became debt free when my house was repossessed and sold after a divorce as I couldn't keep up the payments on one income. That took me into homelessness and then the rented sector and in that period of reflection I stopped smoking and drinking as that's where my money was going and I had my 6yo daughter to bring up. I managed to keep working so suddenly was able to make ends meet again. I set a few rules like never borrow to buy anything except a house, never pay more than £1000 for a car if I need one etc. But besides that I don't know how to do it myself in a formal way.

You mention 'tools' what can you suggest?

Tigsteroonie

I would suggest that you praise MoneySavingExpert and encourage her to get herself onto the site & forum

kuepper

bilbodreams wrote: »

Some people need to hit rock bottom before they help themselves out, otherwise by helping them we are keeping them just above sea bed.

A good way to help her is to direct her to one of the forums in this site so she can post her SOA, take control of her finances so she can see where she goes wrong.

Good luck op.

Thanks but i couldn't stand by and let my daughter hit rock bottom, that just isn't an option. I brought her up as a single parent from when she was 6 so she has a strong bond / dependency on me so it's hard for me to let her down hence my post. Now both kids are at school she'll have time for us to talk and it's ideas from this thread I'll use in that conversation. I'm sorry I don't understand which you mean by the other forums or by SOA, can you explain please? Thanks

kuepper

-taff wrote: »

Tell her you don't have the money available at the moment so she's going to have to sort herself out but you'' help her budget so she can afford one

Well she knows I have the money so that's a no-no. I want to tell her to budget and help her do it but I don't know how that's why I posted this.

DCFC79

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/beginners-guide-to-managing-your-money

Maybe not that helpful OP.

You need to be firm that no more money will be coming from you. She has kids so that should be her motivation to get herself sorted finance wise.