Thoughts on my marriage ?

pickledonionspaceraider

I think we should stop posting on this one, as it is clear there are MH issues, the OP doesn't seem to want to discuss this any further.

Let's respect the OP's wishes.

Negatively judging someone with a MH condition is only going to lend to make them feel worse about things - so please think what you are trying to achieve here before you post please, as is a situation I feel we could be adding to by saying the wrong things

OP if you don't want this pursuing it may be worth asking the forum team to lock this thread/ or even delete it as you wish

Take care all

Savvy_Sue

I'd just like to support the suggestion of relationship counselling, and if the OP wants to go to Relate they will see her on her own even if her husband doesn't want to go. It may help clarify whether she's got a relationship she can live with, or not.

FBaby

My comments were not related to OP's MH issues but the fact that getting involved in buying a home, restoring it and seeking or renting is very stressful and demanding and potentially even more so when already in employment and coping with MH issues. I personally wouldn't do it whilst still adjusting to a new job let alone without the full support of my partner.

Marvel1

Getting into the business as a landlord/landlady, I would recommend some reading first on what the laws are and the rights of the tenents etc. 2 examples:
* the deposit must be protected
* serving a section 21 will not evict the tenent, only a court can.

Morglin

GoingNowhere wrote: »

For many, many years my marriage has just been going through the motions.
Bit of background
Husband happy to be self employed earning very little. As long as he has enough for beer & ciggarettes he is happy. That's the truth.
I've had a long term mental health condition not worked other than for him & not claimed benefits either.
We have managed money ok since we don't really do anything or go anywhere due to my health condition and oh being happy not to.
A year ago I found employment that I could manage & getting out has changed my life.
Anyway been thinking of buying a house to do up and sell or buy to let. Thinking about lack of pension and it is now actually possible to do now I'm earning. So I've been researching, researching and going into everything in order to try & progress this opportunity. Husband dragging his feet being most unhelpful and clearly does not want to do it. For me this is the last straw. I've put up with lots over the years & was hoping this would make us closer by giving us an exciting project for our future. It's not the money risk putting him off as he is more than happy to spend £80 PW on beer & cigarettes. I would welcome an outsiders point of view. Thanks

If you think you will be happier in your own, then do that. Life is too short to compromise if the other party in the marriage cannot be bothered.

Get proper financial advice re a house purchase - other than that, just do what will make you happy. Nothing is more draining than being in a bad marriage, and only you can change things.

Good luck.

Lin :T:beer:

Primrose

Just be aware that if your marriage doesn't survive your different future outlooks, he will still be entitled to 50% of the profits of your buying and doing up any property. So best to sort out where you go with your marriage first. It does sound as if you now both want vastly different things from this relationship going forward and if you no longer feel valued or appreciated you need to decide whether you will becme bitter and trapped if you stay. Sound like time for some serious talking between you on what you both want for the future.

Guest101

1: if the business has supported a married couple + children, with the wife doing some part time hours then the guy is clearly successful. Despite the OPs assertion the primary financial contribution was from her husband. I'm sure the OP contributed in many other ways.
2: if the OP was not in other employment due to MH issues, it's not a far stretch to say that employers would not have employed her, it seems she was unable to work regularly. That's just part of her condition.
3: I don't think the OP would be a good landlord given the way they've handled this thread

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

What is this rubbish? Someone who has never really done any work suddenly wants to go and become a property developer and you're all criticising their other half for trying to talk them down? By the sounds of the first post I would imagine the OP didn't suddenly become some millionaire investment banker or brain surgeon so I doubt they've got much money to throw around. It sounds like your other half has had things tough, having to create his own business and support his family while his wife has done nothing. It also sounds like he's saved well with his only indulgence in life being a drink and a cigarette. Now you've got your, no doubt, menial job probably contributing very little but have got aspirations of becoming Donald Trump and risking everything. If you're bored go and buy a dog. Leave the poor guy alone.

Someone quote the OP before it vanishes like what usually happens here.

baby_lemonade

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Someone quote the OP before it vanishes like what usually happens here.

Done...

GoingNowhere wrote: »

For many, many years my marriage has just been going through the motions.
Bit of background
Husband happy to be self employed earning very little. As long as he has enough for beer & ciggarettes he is happy. That's the truth.
I've had a long term mental health condition not worked other than for him & not claimed benefits either.
We have managed money ok since we don't really do anything or go anywhere due to my health condition and oh being happy not to.
A year ago I found employment that I could manage & getting out has changed my life.
Anyway been thinking of buying a house to do up and sell or buy to let. Thinking about lack of pension and it is now actually possible to do now I'm earning. So I've been researching, researching and going into everything in order to try & progress this opportunity. Husband dragging his feet being most unhelpful and clearly does not want to do it. For me this is the last straw. I've put up with lots over the years & was hoping this would make us closer by giving us an exciting project for our future. It's not the money risk putting him off as he is more than happy to spend £80 PW on beer & cigarettes. I would welcome an outsiders point of view. Thanks

chesky

£80 per week sounds a lot at first but, having bought a pack of cigarettes the other day for my daughter - it was£9! So, if the OPs husband smokes 20 a day (which i think is quite normal for a long-term smoker), it's not an unreasonable amount. I have no idea how much a pint of beer is.
As long as he's earning and is not getting p

---

d every night, I don't see that he's acting unreasonably. The OP may be unhappy in her marriage and splitting up may well be the answer for her, but I don't think the problems have anything to do with the house buying project.
I'd need to know what the lots she's put up with over the years is but all she's saying at the moment is that he's lacking the same ambition that she has.