Thoughts on my marriage ?

Detroit

GoingNowhere wrote: »

I think it was a mistake posting on here sorry. I feel like I'm having to defend myself as I havnt given all the facts going back years. Sorry I'm not the best at the written word.

I'm sorry if my reply made you feel this way.

Sometimes it can be helpful to hear another point of view on a situation, but as I said in the beginning, without the full story the perspective could be way off.

Perhaps a professional relationship counsellor would help.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

74jax

He seems happy with the simple life for him. Going to work to earn enough to get by and is content with that. Nothing wrong with that, some people want to strive to do more in the future and others want to be happy and get by now.

It seems you've now got different future values.

I'm not sure the best way forward but climbs you both talk and maybe you use your money for the house to do up as your hobby of is too much for just your income?

Robisere

I knew a couple who had similar circumstances. He was the same sort of guy, got his drink and baccy and never bothered with anything else. Through the years, it was obvious that his wife (who had a mobility issue, but walked with a stick) tried to stay well-dressed and smart, although he gradually became older, scruffier and less interested in life. He was one of those men who liked to moan about his life to anyone who would listen.

A few years ago, she gave him something to moan about: she left him. He badgered everyone who would listen about this, moaning and complaining about the way she had "left him in the lurch." Then one neighbour had enough, and ripped him to bits, saying that none of us were at all surprised she had gone, he was just a waste of space, etc, etc. He was dumbfounded, I have never seen anyone so comprehensively speechless.

3 years ago my wife and I met the lady, who had divorced him. She looked very different, had a new man and a job at an Estate Agency. When we brought up how badly he had treated her, she laughed and said that "Being married to him was like banging my head against a wall: wonderful when I stopped!"

Save what you can and leave him. Is he going to change? No, so get yourself a better life, lady!

PeacefulWaters

Why would you want to be married to him?

JReacher1

Your financial situation can't be that bad if after years of not working you've now got a job and can now afford to buy another house to rent out.

It sounds like your husband has supported a decent lifestyle and employed you in his business.

GoingNowhere

JReacher you are way off the mark. The property would be mortgaged on my wage. Thanks for all the replies

GoingNowhere

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Why would you want to be married to him?

It's not that easy is it unfortunately when you make a commitment. There's other people & feelings to consider.

JReacher1

GoingNowhere wrote: »

JReacher you are way off the mark. The property would be mortgaged on my wage. Thanks for all the replies

If money is tight then is it sensible the first time you get money to buy another property? It seems reckless.

Caroline_a

I had a husband like this. I left him and have been very happy on my own ever since! Have you considered though that if you buy a house it will be considered as marital property if you split up, and he will be entitled to half?

Kynthia

The project isn't the problem as many wouldn't want to do this. What it seems like to me is that your marriage has problems and you pinned your hopes on this being a solution, which is why you are reacting so strongly to his refusal to try this.

If you feel the marriage is in trouble then does he know how you feel? Is it solvable or are you wanting him to be someone he isn't? Could you try relationship counseling perhaps with relate, or see what suggestions he comes up with that he believes are achievable? Hopefully you can find another solution together.