The woman at the office.

SarahandherCat

meer53 wrote: »

IMO no trust = no relationship. I speak from experience.

If you can learn to trust him then fine, if not, it's never going to work.

This is basically what I've said to him, I've given him sort of a second chance because I really do love him and want this to work, but said that if I can't learn to trust him then I'm just going to drive us both apart as I'll be paranoid and unhappy. I'm hoping this feeling will pass as I'm just so down ATM.

With all the lying and now this though, I'm just not sure how I can even begin to.

tea_lover

SarahandherCat wrote: »

Him and his boss have a very close relationship as friends, it's not a case of going to his boss to complain but so he knows what is happening to offer support. The e-mail thing did cross my mind, it was his idea and I just left it be.

Honestly then, his plan is pretty unfair on her! She shouldn't have to change her working life (eg. be out of the office more, as you suggested above) because someone she's been mutually flirting with has got cold feet.

Again, I'm not saying she's innocent in all this. She's flirted (at least) with a married man and that doesn't make her someone I'd want as a friend. However, your husband and the boss ganging up on her is incredibly unprofessional.

System

Guest101 wrote: »

Oh please, humans crave attention. We all do it

Do we? The only people i want attention from are people who matter to me.

SarahandherCat

fairy_lights wrote: »

What exactly does his kind of 'flirting' involve?
What people consider flirting can cover a huge spectrum from 'OOh eck Moira, nice buns!!' to a colleague whose brought in a tray of cakes, to much more personal comments and touches.
I think my willingness to forgive would very much depend on exactly what was said.

He won't tell me actually what was said - but I know him enough to know that if he is feeling guilty about this and knows he over stepped the mark then it must be bad because he is generally quite a flirty with woman so why is this one any different to him? I just can't get an answer.

SpekySquarehead

I'm a guy in his 20's with a GF and when I started in my current job, I was going to work alongside a woman of a similair age and we'd be the only 2 in our department so we'd have to work closely. The Chief Exec actually said to me when I started that it was ok to flirt with female clients to get them over the line and my colleague does the same with guys.

I'm one of two guys in my office and so there are tons of women of all ages and from time to time I may say somethings that if my GF was in the room she'd glare at me but I know and she knows that actually cheating is a completely different story and something I'd never do.

I'd suggest imagining if the shoe was on the other foot. Can you honestly say you've never done anything similar? Or even thought it? I would cut him some slack. The fact you now know should be enough for him to straighten up and ensure he doesn't go astray.

Guest101

I think it's perfectly natural, two people who are attracted to each other will flirt. Doesn't mean they'll take it any further and in most cases they won't.

It's harmless. OP why don't you try it ?

Guest101

Judi wrote: »

Do we? The only people i want attention from are people who matter to me.

So you've never flirted with a stranger? Not to achieve anything, but just for fun

Guest101

SarahandherCat wrote: »

He won't tell me actually what was said - but I know him enough to know that if he is feeling guilty about this and knows he over stepped the mark then it must be bad because he is generally quite a flirty with woman so why is this one any different to him? I just can't get an answer.

Is it possible that what you consider flirty is just being approachable and friendly?

SarahandherCat

SpekySquarehead - I've admitted I have thought about it to him, we've had a good chat about it and I'm understanding but there is a difference between thinking about something to acting on it.

- Is it possible that what you consider flirty is just being approachable and friendly? -

I know the difference, he flirts with one of my friends on a regular basis but we joke about it whilst the others he has normal conversations with, whilst he does take it do far with her I'm there and usually making it worse in this case - ironically the friend he flirts with is single whilst all my other friends are in close relationships so have no interest in flirting with him I guess.

Guest101

SarahandherCat wrote: »

SpekySquarehead - I've admitted I have thought about it to him, we've had a good chat about it and I'm understanding but there is a difference between thinking about something to acting on it.

- Is it possible that what you consider flirty is just being approachable and friendly? -

I know the difference, he flirts with one of my friends on a regular basis but we joke about it whilst the others he has normal conversations with, whilst he does take it do far with her I'm there and usually making it worse in this case - ironically the friend he flirts with is single whilst all my other friends are in close relationships so have no interest in flirting with him I guess.

So it's just because she's a young girl you don't know?