Separate finances in a relationship

maman

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Why do you think you'll be crippled by your son's university costs? He'll receive his student funding package and you won't need to keep him any more.

I think OP means that she'll lose money when he leaves rather than he'll increase her costs. Also his dad is going to help him maybe by paying what he gives in 'maintenace' directly to the boy. Although OP did say she'll try to help him out too. So probably a mix of less money coming in and more going out.

I definitely think a budget is the way forward to make the most of what she has.

Marvel1

I see he pays the mortgage and provided the amount.

Can you breakdown how much you spend on the bills, food, nursery and clothes and whatever for the youngest?

missbiggles1

maman wrote: »

I think OP means that she'll lose money when he leaves rather than he'll increase her costs. Also his dad is going to help him maybe by paying what he gives in 'maintenace' directly to the boy. Although OP did say she'll try to help him out too. So probably a mix of less money coming in and more going out.

I definitely think a budget is the way forward to make the most of what she has.

I appreciate that but, if he isn't living there he won't be costing anything for his keep, which is a big saving that many people in the OP's situation tend to forget.

Melissao

I own the house with him.we noth put deposit in and we are both on the mortgage.x

Melissao

Yes at the moment i pay the 30 percent that tax credits dont pay for nursey costs.i buy all clothes nappys toys etc for our .i pay his council tax also.so i have decided to breakdown the costs of our son and he is to pay half and that he should pay his council tax.i was previously in a housing assosiation house and got more income from wages and benefits than i do now.i just wanted to buy a house for my kids future.i love him and wanted settle down.i had our son aged 42 and hes wonderful and had joined our family . I was better off before and he was most definately worse off financially and emotionally.we have spoken last night and hes agreed to help more.i have a will stateing that he keeps the house and then on his death it goes to the 4 kids.i also hav life insurance on that house and a separate policy to provide for my 3 financially should they ever have to go live with their dad.my martner has no such provisions for our son.except the policy on the house .another thing that needs sorting.

AylesburyDuck

The way i see it OP you have no choice but to sit him down and point out that your bank account isnt bottomless and you are struggleing, he has two options, he either helps you out or he doesnt.
You dont need access to his bank account, all you need is an injection of cash from that account of an agreed amount per month, which isnt an unreasonable thing for parnters to do when the other is struggleing, life has its ups and down its normal.
If he doesnt help you out you need to be thinking of wether his version of *partnership* fits your own, and if it doesnt what can be done about it.

AylesburyDuck

Melissao wrote: »

Yes at the moment i pay the 30 percent that tax credits dont pay for nursey costs.i buy all clothes nappys toys etc for our .i pay his council tax also.so i have decided to breakdown the costs of our son and he is to pay half and that he should pay his council tax.i was previously in a housing assosiation house and got more income from wages and benefits than i do now.i just wanted to buy a house for my kids future.i love him and wanted settle down.i had our son aged 42 and hes wonderful and had joined our family . I was better off before and he was most definately worse off financially and emotionally.we have spoken last night and hes agreed to help more.i have a will stateing that he keeps the house and then on his death it goes to the 4 kids.i also hav life insurance on that house and a separate policy to provide for my 3 financially should they ever have to go live with their dad.my martner has no such provisions for our son.except the policy on the house .another thing that needs sorting.

Cross posted, that is awesome news, pleased for you.:D

tea_lover

Melissao wrote: »

Yes at the moment i pay the 30 percent that tax credits dont pay for nursey costs.i buy all clothes nappys toys etc for our .i pay his council tax also.so i have decided to breakdown the costs of our son and he is to pay half and that he should pay his council tax.i was previously in a housing assosiation house and got more income from wages and benefits than i do now.i just wanted to buy a house for my kids future.i love him and wanted settle down.i had our son aged 42 and hes wonderful and had joined our family . I was better off before and he was most definately worse off financially and emotionally.we have spoken last night and hes agreed to help more.i have a will stateing that he keeps the house and then on his death it goes to the 4 kids.i also hav life insurance on that house and a separate policy to provide for my 3 financially should they ever have to go live with their dad.my martner has no such provisions for our son.except the policy on the house .another thing that needs sorting.

1) if the house is jointly owned and you all live there together, why is it his council tax? Am confused by that point.

2) if you were to die first and he inherits the house (depends on how you jointly own it), you then have no say in what happens to it. He could remarry, leave it all to someone else, etc.

Guest101

Melissao wrote: »

Yes at the moment i pay the 30 percent that tax credits dont pay for nursey costs.i buy all clothes nappys toys etc for our .i pay his council tax also.so i have decided to breakdown the costs of our son and he is to pay half and that he should pay his council tax.i was previously in a housing assosiation house and got more income from wages and benefits than i do now.i just wanted to buy a house for my kids future.i love him and wanted settle down.i had our son aged 42 and hes wonderful and had joined our family . I was better off before and he was most definately worse off financially and emotionally.we have spoken last night and hes agreed to help more.i have a will stateing that he keeps the house and then on his death it goes to the 4 kids.i also hav life insurance on that house and a separate policy to provide for my 3 financially should they ever have to go live with their dad.my martner has no such provisions for our son.except the policy on the house .another thing that needs sorting.

Just FYI your will doesn't work like that.


If you are joint tenants, he gets the house by law. You do not have a share to leave and cannot dictate how it is dispersed.


If your will leaves the house to him, again you cannot dictate how it is later dispersed.

sheramber

Joint tenants

As joint tenants (sometimes called ‘beneficial joint tenants’):

you have equal rights to the whole property
the property automatically goes to the other owners if you die
you can’t pass on your ownership of the property in your will

Tenants in common

As tenants in common:

you can own different shares of the property
the property doesn’t automatically go to the other owners if you die
you can pass on your share of the property in your will

You have no say in what he does with his share of the property.

Whoever drew up your will has given you wrong information if you were told you had.