Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy gifts for both halves of a couple?

pollym57

It sounds like you are giving presents so that you get some.

I buy my Sister, Brother in law, niece and husband and nephew plus my children and their respective partners all separate birthday presents but sometimes buy Christmas presents between the couples.
My Sisters birthday is also her wedding anniversary so I buy her a present for her birthday and a gift for them both for their anniversary.

What's the old saying ? You give for pleasure and out of love NOT to receive.

If you don't want to buy, then don't.

fierystormcloud

Dill wrote: »

Don't be silly. Of course the gift will be from both of them, do you expect them to buy you one from each of them, when they're both married to each other?

It's like getting a present from your mum and dad, but begrudging getting dad his own birthday present or mum her own present.

warby68 wrote: »

What a strange dilemma (or non-dilemma)

Some things just end up a bit unbalanced and that's life. There may be times when family members have partners and times when they don't. Expecting 2 presents from a couple is probably unusual. Buying joint birthday presents for adults is also unusual although Christmas ones aren't as its the same event.

Clearly measuring gifts by monetary value is not a recipe for contentment as is giving with a certain expectation in return.

If you aren't happy you can only really adjust your own gift giving (but you could easily find your own gift downgraded also!)

Agree with the above. This is one of the daftest 'dilemmas' I have ever seen! If the OP had a partner, and the sister and brother-in-law were buying for her, and making out it's a joint gift for her and her hubby, and were sort of leaving said partner out, then I would say 'yeah, buy them a gift between them too.'

And as for their birthdays, that would depend on what they were doing I guess. If they didn't bother with my husband, then I wouldn't bother with her husband on his birthday IYSWIM.

However, as a single person, of COURSE you are going to get couples buying a gift between the two of them. No couple I have ever known EVER, buy a gift EACH for someone. They always buy 'joint.' What an utterly silly 'dilemma. Daftest yet IMO.

hazyjo

It is tough. Not so much with family as I see my BIL as an individual and buy for him and for my sister (and their 3 kids!) - usually separate presents. It's the friends with kids that gets me. There's one group of friends I have where they have 6 kids between three of them. They suggested no presents for the adults, only the kids, but for a few years, none of them bought me anything. I did think it was a bit mean as there wasn't much I could get for the kids for under a tenner each so was spending at least £60 on Christmas and then again on birthday presents. We'd meet up and exchange loads of gifts between us, but I was left standing there with nothing. Cringe.


They do now buy me a little something each, but I do think those with kids should be the ones to say 'don't buy any more' to a single friend. I've stopped buying the kids birthday presents (it's not like I even see them very often!) but do feel awkward when we meet and I've not got a gift to hand over.


I also try to get things in sales throughout the year and keep them for presents. That's helped.


Jx

janiebquick

I had to read this several times to work out what the problem is. So, you buy your sister and her hubby a present each, but you only get one in return? Why do you think this is unfair? There's only one of you, but two of them.

You have several options: 1) Stop buying either of them a present. 2) Continue buying each of them a present, but a much cheaper one. 3) Buy them a goat (or similar charitable item) as an individual or joint present. 4) Mutually agree to stop buying presents.

Sorted!

aquarius02

When do you suggest that the joint birthday present is sent; on his or her birthday? This is a ridiculous idea.

fierystormcloud

aquarius02 wrote: »

When do you suggest that the joint birthday present is sent; on his or her birthday? This is a ridiculous idea.

Yes it is...

bigpat

You're moaning about the value of the gifts you give/receive and a perceived financial loss, so you've lost touch with what giving is all about.

Give what you want to give, based on what your sister and her husband mean to you. The cost of what they give back to you is - or should be - immaterial.

Soundgirlrocks

I have some sight sympathy with the op, it is expensive being single and couples often seem oblivious to this, the gift example is one, single supplements on holidays, rent/mortgage, cost of living etc isn't half the cost if you are on your own v as a couple. I frequently can't afford things my coupled up friends can as my overheads are higher. My biggest gripe is couples on a night outs and rounds of drinks .....

But with regards to presents I would I'm afraid just suck it up, I don't buy for vast number of people though and rarely for friends / extended family unless its a special occasion/ birthday.

Revengant

As people get older they don't buy presents for birthdays, and perhaps just one small present for the couple for Christmas.

catkins

Revengant wrote: »

As people get older they don't buy presents for birthdays, and perhaps just one small present for the couple for Christmas.

Not sure I agree with this. Me and OH are in our 60's, siblings in their late 50's and parents in their 90's and we all still buy each other birthday presents and Christmas presents