📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

Options
14041424345

Comments

  • paddy's_mum
    paddy's_mum Posts: 3,977 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Oh hell, Lulu. I'd forgotten about the dog. Sorry.

    Talk about between a rock and a hard place. I can do nothing other than offer my very real sympathy. Keep your chin up. :)
  • splishsplash
    splishsplash Posts: 3,055 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    lulu_92 wrote: »
    I'm not sure how I come across, probably a bit fussy tbh. I try to be as assertive as I can, it only doesn't work on OH and his family. Aside from them I am happy with my lot. I do have a lot of stress but raising two babies isn't the easiest and some uncertainty regarding my job when I go back doesn't help. Most of the time I am on my own. My mum and sister are very helpful but they both work full time.

    Genuinely I feel rubbish anyway. I had an early night but one of my girls was up all night so I've hardly slept. OH isn't forcing me to go, but he doesn't want me to not go with him. I do feel like I have to go because of the issues with the dog I mentioned earlier. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened.

    I don't think you come across as fussy. I do think you are putting enormous pressure on yourself though, and it's coming out in an unfortunate 'set' against your partner's family. I'm not taking their side, they sound mighty annoying, but I think if your head was in a better place, they wouldn't have the power to annoy you the way they do.

    Ok, you've decided to go with your partner to his mother's birthday bash today. Get some rest while his sister is at the house or before she arrives. Say hello, then say to pointedly to partner and sister 'I didn't sleep a wink last night (btw, where was the wakeful child's father all night?), I need to grab a nap if I'm going to stay awake at the do later', then get your head down for an hour or two. Take your time, have a shower, get dolled up and be ready to go in good time. Allow dad and auntie to get the babies ready. They may not be dressed the way you want them, but let it go. That doesn't matter.

    Make sure tomorrow is clear, prepare to stay in bed with your babies until evening if you need to, and the same on Tuesday if you need it. Stop en route to the birthday bash at a 24h shop or a takeaway and pick up ready food for tomorrow so you don't have to worry about it, or get someone to do it for you. State quite clearly ' I'm going to be wrecked tomorrow - I need this sorted, thanks'.

    You have twin babies, you don't have to do everything, you don't have to be 'fine' or 'good' when someone asks, it's perfectly ok to say 'Gawd, I'm shattered, I don't think I've ever been so wrecked'. It will help you and remind others to be more considerate. If you don't tell them, how will they know?

    Once you get there, relax and enjoy yourself. Really. It's a birthday celebration for your babies' grandmother.
    There will be cake, food, people who love your babies, you are out of the house for a couple of hours, so enjoy it.

    If you start with the attitude that this will be a hellish evening fraught with stress, then how can it be anything else?
    I'm an adult and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I wish someone would take this power from me.
    -Mike Primavera
    .
  • Great post, splish splash :)
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • lulu_92
    lulu_92 Posts: 2,758 Forumite
    Rampant Recycler I've been Money Tipped!
    I haven't gone so I'm chilling with a cup of tea and about to have a nap. Bliss!!

    OH did get up in the night as well. He always does.
    Our Rainbow Twins born 17th April 2016
    :A 02.06.2015 :A
    :A 29.12.2018 :A



  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 11,133 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Enjoy your rest Lulu :)

    My Cousin whose twins are now 14 months found after a while she could not keep going without some "me" time. And so took every other Sat morning for herself.

    Whether that was to go round the shops for an hour, meet a friend, just have a lie in or do some online shopping alone in another room.

    It was partly the rest I think and partly for the relaxation.
  • missnat81
    missnat81 Posts: 74 Forumite
    No, it's your weekend too
  • It has turned out impossible to read the whole thread so I don't know if this has already been suggested:

    Your first post asked for one weekend a month free of visitors. Why not go for that? The first weekend of every month you are not available for visitors. Important for it to be regular, so that everyone knows and remembers the rule (even in the awkward months when there are 5 weekends or Christmas or whatever).

    Yes, you will have to literally go out of the house for the day to start with, and that could be a nuisance, but if you are absolutely firm about the rule, you will win, and be able to stay at home quietly when you need to.

    If by any chance your husband won't leave the house, and won't back you up on this rule, you'll have to leave him behind but take the twins with you. You could visit your mother with them.

    If you really have packed your and the babies' bags and considered leaving home, it really is very important to be immoveable on the subject of The First Weekend of the Month is to be Free of Visitors.....a last chance to get family life in a better place.

    My m-in-law could be very overbearing, and I had to learn to be firm.
  • malkypaul
    malkypaul Posts: 31 Forumite
    Hi Lulu92


    My In-laws (irish travellers) and extended family tried doing the same and after a few weeks I got fed-up of feeding the ravishing hoards, (I'm convinced they were only after a free lunch) so told them we were going away visiting distant relatives (it was really a borrowed caravan in north wales), for the next few weeks, they showed up as usual and found us away on three occasions and finally started asking if they could come over to be told "sorry we are away again" they finally got the message and asked when we were available, a date at a local pub, (Didn't go down too well cos they had to buy their own Sunday lunch) which is what we do now when they want to "drop in" they didn't like it but TOUGH, it's MY family not theirs.


    You both need to get a spine or move away from the in-laws


    hope this helps


    Mal P
  • I have not read all the posts but, as a grandma, I make a point of NOT visiting at weekends, unless birthdays etc. I see my daughter approx once a week for lunch at a nearby pub chain and that is enough. I only see son & wife when a special reason and then rarely stay long although no problem. Could you suggest meeting for lunch in the week instead, just you and the babies? Not all that expensive and grandparents may pay for you as well. Just a thought.
  • Andypandyboy
    Andypandyboy Posts: 2,472 Forumite
    What happened today Lulu?
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.2K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 244.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 599.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177K Life & Family
  • 257.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.