Is having one weekend every now and again free of visitors that unreasonable?!

lulu_92

To those not arguing and asking how I am

Things seem better. I got a parcel on Thursday and he'd bought me some clothes for my very belated birthday present.

The visit free weekend is looking even more elusive. We've got a couple of things on my side of the family involving people I've not seen for years, and they just happen to fall on Sundays.

I was looking forward to a nice relaxing afternoon before we have to go to his mum's but his sister who lives 3 hours away has booked her train to get to ours four hours before we need to go to his mum's (we live closest to the train station) which means she'll come here for that amount of time. Not begrudging her as she has only seen the girls once, but it now means I don't get to relax before we go. I said to OH I didn't want to go but he's told me I have to. Grr...

I'm physically exhausted. I can tell how run down I've let myself get.

Dill

Look after yourself Lulu. Don't take people's visits as an inconvenience. People love babies and (unfortunately for you ) they love twin babies all the more! Get them doing things for you when they visit, don't feel you have to wait on them and do all the work.

One of my in-laws is a triplet When they were young his mum struggled to walk from A to B without people looking, pointing and coo-ing over the babies, and she did find it tiresome. But then someone pointed out, you've made someone's day, seeing those little triplet babies.

Milk it, I say :cool: Get people to help you, and enjoy the attention. But have a bit of me-time each day, too.

Primrose

lulu_92 wrote: »

To those not arguing and asking how I

I'm physically exhausted. I can tell how run down I've let myself get.

Then stay in bed for the day, tell your OH you feel unwell and exhausted and let him cope with everything for the day. And just try and sleep! Until he realises that you are not superwoman and cannot cope with everything without an occasional break there will be no incentive for him to realise your family life needs to be better managed.

You have two small children and your body is probably still suffering from all the changes it has gone through. You need more moral support than you are getting.

mickey54

Lulu .. I agree with Dill.

Make use of your SIL ... And your partner. She will enjoy time with the babies, and he will also want to catch up.

Go have a nap (after you have exchanged news/gossip/pleasantries)..
Then have a nice relaxing bath .. Some me time.

Hope all goes well for you.

lady1964

Lulu, have you had any proper time away from your babies since they were born? I suspect not so tomorrow may be the time that you do. I get 'family' obligations but you also have an obligation to yourself. I think tomorrow is the perfect time to be unable to go to your in-laws, it's time to put yourself first and also your babies, after all, if you're very stressed and run down, as much as you love your babies, it will take its toll.

I honestly think you need to be assertive and put your foot down and put yourself first. Your in-laws already, by your posts, don't seem to think highly of you so let them think even less of you. Quite frankly, and this maybe a tad harsh so sorry for that, but will they think any more of you for going along?

Seriously, I do understand, I've been in a similar situation, although I get on well with my in-laws but there has been the odd occasion where I've felt a bit rubbish and my DH has gone to his parents for the day without me and just said that I'm feeling really unwell. I don't know if they've believed him but I've had a nice quiet day to myself and felt so much better for it.

Worth thinking about?

splishsplash

I think you sound very stressed and run down, OP, just as you have identified.

Having a small baby is tough. Having twins is far tougher.

Do you have a good support network? All I've gleaned so far is that you are home alone with the twins while your partner works. Your mum calls for ten minutes once a week before you go to weightwatchers and you have (multiple) visitors at weekends?

I'm sure you adore your children, but if your world has shrunk to minding them pretty much on your own every day, it's no wonder you are feeling undervalued, insecure and unhappy.
If you find a focus for your resentment (in this case your partner's parents), then there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better because even the thought of them will be enough to make you feel annoyed. That's stress talking, though. If you weren't so stressed, you'd roll your eyes while you tsk tskd at their inflexibility and it wouldn't get to you so much.

When do you have time for you? Do you have an enshrined hour or two to go for coffee with friends, have your hair/nails done, go for a walk/to the gym/pool/ etc? Can you have a good old natter with friends and a belly laugh or two to lift you?

Would it be an idea to have whoever minds the babies when you go to weight watchers keep them for an extra couple of hours to let you have a nice leisurely lunch with your mum? Or could your mum take the babies for a few hours every day until you're feeling a bit brighter?

I understand that you have some legitimate areas of concern regarding the security of your relationship and tenure etc. In time, those issues will have to be discussed.

For now though, I really think it would be a mistake to even broach these subjects. You are in what will probably be one of the most stressful periods of your life. Try to work on your health for now - an excellent diet, lots of sleep, a little exercise, a little entertainment, a little fun. Try to work on the positives in your relationship and build a support network for yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. My daughter is the same age as you (if 92 is your year of birth) and had a baby some months ago. She required a lot of very practical support in the first few months due to pretty drastic complications. I can't even imagine the level of support you need after twins.

paddy's_mum

lulu_92 wrote: »

I said to OH I didn't want to go but he's told me I have to

In years past, if my mother heard something like this, she would very quickly come back with "if I told you to put your head in a gas oven, would you do it...?"

You do NOT have to do anything which is against your own best interests. Britain is still (last time I looked) a free country and this attitude bothers me a lot.

Maybe you would be well advised to get some heavyweight, can't-argue-against-that support on your side so how about you pop along to your GP and tell him how tired and run down you feel. Then you can go home and say to your husband with complete truth "the Doctor insists ...." whether that be more rest, less lifting etc.

(You might want to imply that you have 'innards-itis' and given that most men wouldn't know a fallopian tube from a bowl of jelly, then be permitted to rest more!)

There is one aspect of this that is beyond doubt. If you don't get the rest your body needs, you are going to become genuinely very ill. Perhaps if your husband was made to understand how much of the burden of caring for two babies will fall to him, he might be brought to realise that he is gambling on a very poor hand of cards and for his own benefit work with you to stop this whole silly and unfair situation.

In your shoes today, I'd be developing a severe headache. Good luck.

74jax

Lulu. Your posts read 'sad' to me. It maybe that they are posted when you are feeling down, and not necessarily at your most positive.

In other aspects of your life are you assertive? How do you come across generally, do you know?

In laws aside, do you feel happy with your lot?

I think you need to make a stand and stay at home. I'm not bothered if you are seen as making a fuss. To the normal bystander you are doing what most would IE taking care of yourself and your babies.

paddy's_mum

74jax wrote: »

I think you need to make a stand and stay at home. I'm not bothered if you are seen as making a fuss. To the normal bystander you are doing what most would IE taking care of yourself and your babies.

^^^^^ Exactly.

If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your babies so I agree - make 'a fuss' and look upon it as an investment in your and their wellbeing.

lulu_92

74jax wrote: »

Lulu. Your posts read 'sad' to me. It maybe that they are posted when you are feeling down, and not necessarily at your most positive.

In other aspects of your life are you assertive? How do you come across generally, do you know?

In laws aside, do you feel happy with your lot?

I think you need to make a stand and stay at home. I'm not bothered if you are seen as making a fuss. To the normal bystander you are doing what most would IE taking care of yourself and your babies.

I'm not sure how I come across, probably a bit fussy tbh. I try to be as assertive as I can, it only doesn't work on OH and his family. Aside from them I am happy with my lot. I do have a lot of stress but raising two babies isn't the easiest and some uncertainty regarding my job when I go back doesn't help. Most of the time I am on my own. My mum and sister are very helpful but they both work full time.

Genuinely I feel rubbish anyway. I had an early night but one of my girls was up all night so I've hardly slept. OH isn't forcing me to go, but he doesn't want me to not go with him. I do feel like I have to go because of the issues with the dog I mentioned earlier. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened.